Kevin's Watch

SUNSHINE AND SOLITUDE

As the title implies this is the story of a Martian half-wit that has been shunned by his people and is forced to live out the rest of his life as the solitary occupant of the Solar Flare Early Warning Detection Satellite in close orbit to the sun. While taking a nap something goes terribly wrong. The largest solar flare to ever erupt from the sun crashes into Mars incinerating the atmosphere, water and the entire Martian civilization. 10 million years later NASA's first manned mission to the sun discovers the Martian castaway still snoozing at the controls. Hilarity erupts when the astronauts inform the Martian that his entire species has been wiped out of existence largely because of his incompetence.

Rated "I" for Ironic

Thursday Glory

Odd story of Gloria Kelly, businesswoman and...crime fighter--but only on Thursdays. She belongs to a secret but casual association of part-time "superheroes", which divides its members' crimefighting activities into teams according to the days of the week. Thus Gloria is part of Team Thursday. A crisis ensues when a Team Saturday member is caught in a freak-dimensional-vortex-from-hell accident, and Gloria is called in for some serious overtime. Can she rescue her fellow colleague and discover who is behind the rips in the space-time continuum? Can she ever forgive them for making her come in to work on the weekend? Plenty of action and fun for everyone!

Rated S for silly premise (warning: may be offensive to viewers who hate Thursdays)

[Actually, MM, that movie doesn't sound too bad to me, if they played up the sci-fi/action/comedy angle...]

Underpinnings
One of those mindbender cause-effect movies. The story of Bill the janitor, which quickly reveals that he is a janitor because he was blackballed out of his high-stakes finance career. Switch to Jane, who we find fired Bill for questionable reasons, mostly to hide her own incompetency. Switch to Derrik, Jane's husband who is slowly poisoning her to get rid of her---the poison is affecting her ability to do her job. Switch to Vivian, who is having an affair with Derrik, but is close to breaking it off because he has lately been giving her the creeps, and she isn't really in love with him anyway. Switch to Fitch, Vivian's real love interest, who barely registers her presence, and is merrily content to continue with his job as a cafe barista. Switch to Izzy, a food scientist and loudmouthed caffeine addict who hangs out too often at Fitch's cafe and is about to discover a novel protein-based treatment for arthritis. Switch to Lana, Izzy's foul-mouthed aunt who works at a poison control center and gets an emergency call from Jane. Switch to George, who deliver's flowers to Lana that day, and... By the time we get to this point, a great deal of movie time has passed. The kicker to the story is that the only cross-linkage is the aunt who works at the poison control center, and no other explanation is ever given as to why these links are presented, other than the fact that at some point every character sees a Disney billboard and remarks how much they hate Disney.

Rated A for Anti-Mickey.

Verystoned!

The story of a couple of down on their luck misfits that are suddenly imbued with cosmic awareness when they accidentally smoke some weed that has been tainted by radioactive coffee grounds. While exploring their newfound powers, Jason and Jackson Jackson, stumble upon a plot by the leaders of the Galactic Overlord Council (all 15 members played by Bob Newhart) to collect all the sentient beings in the galaxy and turn them into a thick yellow paste. Once it is learned that the plot has been discovered, the GOC captures Jackson forcing Jason to mount a rescue and attempt to save all of humanity and 34 varieties of sentient sludge.

Rated P for poorly conceived.

Wankel Rotary Engine

By the gaffer of March of the Penguins comes this enlightening documentary about Dr. Felix Wankel and his amazing invention, the Wankel Rotary Engine. His father died from from shrapnel in WWI, and in a very moving scene we find how he works the same piece of shrapnel went into his patent model.

Rated "B" for Boring For All.

X-Tra

the moving documentary about the life of movie extras in the porn industry.

rated x

YMCA

A story about the Village People and their (mis)adventures in clubs throughout America.
The movie starts when they met and how they came to dress in those silly clothes they wear.
The highpoint of the film is during a concert, it is realized that the audience is not homosexual and walk out of the show.
(Tear-jerker scene: Trash is tossed on the highway from a moving vehicle and lands besides the Indian's feet.
He slowly turns towards the camera and a tear can be seen rolling down his cheek.)

Rated W for Who Cares

Zorro in Los Angeles

George Hamilton is back as Zorro, the swashbuckling 19th century Spanish swordsman fighting for independence and freedom for the Mexican people.

Due to a freak time-travel accident, Zorro appears in 2005 Los Angeles, where he again takes up the battle to win Mexican independence - this time from the United States government that has "stolen" California in the intervening 160 years that Zorro missed.

You'll experience heart-pounding action as Zorro squares off against the LAPD, gangsta thugs, Democratic peace activists and ICE agents! Feel the heat of the action as Zorro learns how to drive a chopped '63 Impala! You'll know the agony of defeat as his sword is confiscated and he is deported and thrown across the Mexican border in a heap!

Rated "A" for Ancient (George Hamilton hasn't aged well)

Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Phillip Seymour is Oscar Wilde
Johnny Depp is John Wilkes Booth
Vincent Donofrio is Moe Berg

join the adventures of three men caught in time, can they escape the wrath of Charles Manson. can they prevent the assassination of JFK? will they discover what happened to the Mary Celeste?

rated S for surreal.

Baggin' Bilbo

The latest installment in the Whore of the Rings saga available only on DVD. Poor Bilbo finds out the true power of the Juan Ring, which is the ability to $#@%^ the $#!^& out of all Latino @$$&(*!@s. Intended for mature audiences only.

Crowd Sculpture
follows the adventures of our hero Bill W. as he tries various musical ensambles to find the perfect song that will open the secrets of the universe.

starring...
Steve Buscemi as Bill W.
Peter Dinklage as Sarge.
Molly Ringwald as Sherry/Sharon.
Philip Seymour Hoffman as Dr.Garage.
Kate Winslet as Abbie.
Ethan Hawke as Deaf Eddie.
Bob Mould as Alex.
Donald Sutherland as Dr.Beard
John Cusack as the architect.

script by Dennis R Wood
directed by Steve Buscemi
music by the Polyphonic Spree

based on a true story.

Telly-Tubby-Torture

A frolic through Tubby land as Po and his friends learn about Medieval Torture devices....

ummm, d is next Cho.

Dwarf/Dwell/Dwindle

a road trip movie. Dwarf (Kris Kristofferson)
Dwell (Molly Ringwald)
Dwindle (Ethan Hawke)

Edgar (Robyn Hitchcock)
Waldo (Kevin Bacon)
Ermine (Kyra Sedgewick)
Edgar Allen Poe (Steve Buscemi)
Tex (Peter Dinklage)
William Henry Harrison (Vincent Donofrio)

join 3 friends as they travel across America in an old VW Bus that used to belong to Timothy Leary.

Exit Ramp

Sequel to Speed and Speed II. There is bomb on a freeway exit ramp that will explode if a vehicle takes it at less than 55mph, and its up to LA special explosives detectives Evan Smars (Orlando Bloom) and close-to-retirement TJ Miller (William H Macy) to drive all over the city to track it down and defuse it, while avoiding clever traps set by the criminal explosives mastermind Miss Kitty (played by Madonna). Much danger, excitement, and at least one cleverly edited musical montage ensues.

Fugelman

interdimensional soldier finds himself trying to prevent one of America's greatest tragedies.

Fugelman: Ethan Hawke

Abe Lincoln: Vincent Donofrio

John Wilkes Booth: Gary Oldham

Dr.Mudd: Philip Seymour Hoffman

Mary Todd Lincoln: Dame Judi Dench

GREAT SCOTT

A tale revolving around the use of Superman's famous phrase. The true story of obscure television writer John Privy who was born with the name Scott Jellywang. Little Scott was a mentally challenged youth who was praised constantly by his over protective mother. "Great Scott" she would say after he would take a step or breathe properly or even manage to do his business in the general vicinity of the family bathroom. The phrase stuck with John the adult writer and the rest is history.

Rated B for BORING BEYOND HUMAN ENDURANCE.

(forgot about this game. It's fun but hard. )

Humpty: Fall of An Icon

Starring Kevin Costner as courageous attorney Jim Moronson who investigates the assassination of President Dumpty, shot while sitting precariously on a wall. All the president's men could not put Dumpty back together again, but Moronson pushes on and uncovers a vast conspiracy as he discovers the shocking truth about who killed Dumpty.

Rated E for eggy violence

The Elf Witch

Join the lovable Keebler Elves in this live action version of the those kooky commercials. Follow the elves as they search for the famous Elf Witch who can show them the recipe for a new cookie unlike any the world has ever seen. Starring Kate Blanchett in a repeat performance as the Elf Witch, and William J. Peterson as the Keebler elf King.[/b]

Fight Club XVIII:

Main characters are now in nursing homes and show the art of fighting with canes and walkers. A very slow-paced movie, shot in real-life time.

Rated G for Geriatrics

the Green Demon

Philip Seymour Hoffman is Oscar Wilde
Steve Buscemi is Enrico Fermi
Johnny Depp is Harry Houdini
Kate Winslet is Molly Bloom

music by Trey Anastasio

a sequal to Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder