Kevin's Watch

Hilarious Nathan. You should have just introduced yourself as Chip.

The Protagonist wrote:If it were me, when she tried to slap me, I would have done a quadruple backflip to get out of the way, and then I would have flown through the roof. Literally. There would have been shards of wood shooting off at all angles as I smashed my way through (the roof was made of wood, right? If it wasn't then it should have been because wood looks cool when it splinters). Then, I would have hung in a batman-type pose against the moon, before blowing up the whole building with my laser eyes... err, explosive... laser eyes.

Next time you plan on doing this, tell me and i will come and watch.

TMG wrote: I suppose I could sue, but I'd feel like a bit of a dick suing some girl called Fish for slapping me round the face.

Fish, Sue, Dick. I don't know which name is the worst.....

I have a sister named sue, and there are a few Dicks in my family, but Fish...nah. Unless reruns of Barney Miller count.

warmark: video it for all of the watch.

I'm with Sunbaneglasses and Usivius! All I can picture is the traditional fish slapping dance!

dennisrwood wrote:warmark: video it for all of the watch.

To do this you would need a time machine Ha!And you can not even retort for you are retired.I shall slap dance,then slap you with a fish,or hire a girl named Fish to slap you,or better yet get Fish to slap you with a fish.

set up a tent and charge admission.

If I was Nathan, the next time I saw that woman, I would smile hugely and say, "Hi, Flipper."

Wow, it's been almost five years since this momentous event and I still remember it like yesterday.

Thanks for raising this thread from the dead Shuram Gudatetris, I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise.

I have another couple of chapters to this story, the first of which is jovial in tone, like the original. The second, though, is a bit darker and kind of depressing in a way.

Oh, her name turned out to be Rachel Fisher, by the way.

Story 1: Encounter the second

I somehow managed to get myself into financial difficulty. As I recall, the bank had promised me a £1000 interest free overdraft as part of my student account, which they'd managed to fuck up by not actually having me down as a student on their records. While I was attempting to sort this out, I had to go for a few days without any meaningful food, supporting myself on handouts like offered crisps from other people's lunches. Remember that this was right at the beginning of my first year of university, so I didn't really feel comfortable asking anyone for money.

I was talking about my lack of money at another society function and someone suggested that I could get a hardship loan from the university (they give you £50 cash, you give them a cheque dated a month into the future), he told me I'd have to go to the Portland building, Student Services.

At this point I hadn't seen Fish for a few weeks (she'd been holed up with a nasty case of bronchitis for a while), but she was there that day. While we were discussing the location of Student Services, Fish piped up to say she'd recently been to there. Why? To get a free rape alarm.

I couldn't resist this setup, so I came out with this: "Why would YOU need a rape alarm?!"

Uproarous laughter ensued, and I knew I'd be in for another slap, but had judged the satisfaction of landing a really good zinger to be worth the minor irrtation of a hand to the face.

But it never came. What actually happened was this:

"I was raped once, you know."

It was horribly awkward, I didn't have anything else to say. There was no way I could have known she'd been raped before, but I somehow still ended up looking like a massive prick. She'd beaten me again.

This has ended up much longer than I thought it would, so I'll leave the third instalment for later.

Please don't wait another 5 years for the next installment. I'm riveted.

Cagliostro wrote:Please don't wait another 5 years for the next installment. I'm riveted.

So am I. How did I ever miss this thread on first go around?

You ask me, she asked for it (the question about Fish, not the rape.) If she introduced herself as "Hi, I'm Rachel Fisher, but everyone calls me Fish," no problem. She says "Hi, my name is Fish," 9 out of 10 guys, drunk or not, are gonna ask her "what the hell kind of name is Fish?"

I think that "fish" in the topic title should be capitalized, since it is someone's nickname after all. Usually I capitalize nicknames, I think that's proper form.

I'm not trying to be a grammar nazi. Just making a polite suggestion.

And that's the best contribution I can make of this thread. I'm absolutely mystified as to the rest. It's definitely a good story. I would have to reveal a great deal of inexperience if I asked any questions as to its import, which may not be very much at all in any case.

EDIT-I'm the kind of guy who, if I was actually at the party in the first place, wouldn't be drunk and wouldn't respond "what the hell kind of name is fish?"

XD

Holsety wrote:I think that "fish" in the topic title should be capitalized, since it is someone's nickname after all. Usually I capitalize nicknames, I think that's proper form.

You've got a good point there. If I cast my mind back five years, I'll probably find that I was making a deliberate attempt at obfuscation by not capitalising the nickname. After all. the title was designed to mislead people into thinking I was slapped with a fish, I was bending the rules a little, but I reckon I got away with it.

Now though? It's been five years and it doesn't really matter any more so I may as well bow to the inevitable and use correct capitalisation. I've edited the title to reflect Fish's right to exist as a proper noun. She will languish as a commoner no more!

It's the least she deserves.

Conclusion to follow shortly.

Nathan wrote:"I was raped once, you know."

Hmmm ... could this explain the ease at which she resorts to violence? Can't say that I really blame her, given this revelation from her history, but I don't think a dumb question usually deserves a violent response. A guy sure as hell couldn't get away with it, if the roles were reversed. Imagine if you went around slapping every woman who made sarcastic remarks at parties. Not only would you be too busy slapping women to actually enjoy the party, but you'd very likely be arrested after the first few times.

There's a reason, btw, why guys don't go around slapping other guys when they say insensitive things. Guys hit back.

Nathan wrote:"Why would YOU need a rape alarm?!"

Now you really deserved to get slapped for that one. I think you should consider yourself lucky, all things considered.

I've just stumbled across this thread & all I can say is...

"What the hell kinda name is Fish?"

"Why would you need a rape alarm?"

She must be a real trout...

Cagliostro wrote:Please don't wait another 5 years for the next installment. I'm riveted.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock......

Nathan might actually be making us wait the full five years.....

He is almost as bad as SRD!

Sunbaneglasses wrote:It is even funnier to me because it brings to mind Pythons 'Fish Slapping Dance'.Judging by her reaction perhaps it has something to do personal hygine.

Now if her first name was Python I think that'd be pretty cool.

There's a New Zealand movie called Stickmen (about pool players, if anyone's wondering), and it features a male character in a pink shirt. This guy is a martial arts master, and he wears his pink shirt around in blokey bars waiting for someone to make a comment so he can kick some ass.

Add in some kind of grudge against the male gender, and we've got means and motivation for the dark supervillain of emasculation known only as Fish....

I just had a moment when I realised I might know the subject of this story.

Then I realised the Rachel I know married into that name after this thread was started. Phew.