Kevin's Watch

deer of the dawn wrote: ...and at the gay movement for stealing rainbows and unicorns from innocent children,...

Honestly, just like if you let us use the word marriage, we won't steal it, we'd share it, just like we share "Rainbows and Unicorns" with children, with anyone who has a perfect day or even anyone who doesn't trust what they're told and wants to tell someone not to blow "Unicorns and Rainbows" up their ass.

You break my heart Deer, I can't imagine what your life must be like day to day, and you always present such strength in your posts. I'm so glad you have Donaldson and other Fantasy Novels to "Calgon Take Me Away". About your Daughter, as a Gay man, I'm paranoid even in America, and if I had a daughter I would barely let her outta my sight for 20 minutes at a time (Some people think I'd be a great father because of my cats, while others think I'm far too paranoid to be a father of a Human child). So really, I sympathize with your concerns about your daughter being leered at )
My daughter would probably have a chastity belt, and wouldn't get the key until 5 years after she got married

shakes fist at those people everywhere who are using religion to promote their own hate-filled agenda.

sindatur wrote:So really, I sympathize with your concerns about your daughter being leered at )
My daughter would probably have a chastity belt, and wouldn't get the key until 5 years after she got married

Thanks, Sindatur. She really is a good kid and I trust her, it's all these oafs out there.

*Shakes fist at all who view other human beings as objects to be bought and sold, used up and thrown away*

Went for a beautiful walk along the coast today. Right on the sea's edge on a costal path; birds singing, insects chiruping, waves braking - sight seeing planes taking off, landing, flying in circles and buzzing overhead solidly for three hours. Thanks for that guys - bastards!

I have been long-term mad because I only just learned within this year that people- without it necessarily even being conscious - tend to assume a PILE of positive things about people who are attractive and corresponding negative stuff about people who aren't.

I feel incredibly cheated to discover that the world is really this way.

So, yeah, the people who were like "life isn't fair"... were right about something after all.

And saying this, I am sure I sound clueless.

Mad at the way "needing counselling" is thoughtlessly stigmatized by jokes in our culture...

Mad I'm running up against walls of being unwilling to help or care for others.
I. just. find. it. impossible. to lift a finger to call or mail someone who I'm unhappy with.
...or because I feel bad for not mailing for too long.
...or a whole host of other reasons.

deer of the dawn wrote:I am angry that I have to make choices that hurt someone, somewhere along the line.

love ya!

In that sense, it is perfect for me to be reading AATE right now, that;s where Linden is at.

Thank you for letting me shake my fist, stomp my feet, shout till I'm hoarse, and cuss like a trucker (oh, you didn't hear that part).

sindatur wrote:About your Daughter, as a Gay man, I'm paranoid even in America, and if I had a daughter I would barely let her outta my sight for 20 minutes at a time (Some people think I'd be a great father because of my cats, while others think I'm far too paranoid to be a father of a Human child). So really, I sympathize with your concerns about your daughter being leered at )
My daughter would probably have a chastity belt, and wouldn't get the key until 5 years after she got married

You cracked me up with that last line!
actually, wait... now that realllly messes with the "definition of marriage"! (is that comment okay coz I couldn't resist?)

Linna, about Life not being fair, to paraphrase Marcus Cole from Babylon 5, Thank God life isn't fair, can you imagine how much worse our lives could be, if it was fair, and we got hit for every little mis-step

HEH, yea, that comment is fine. I'm sure I wouldn't actually physically put a Chastity belt on my child, but, I'd probably come awfully close psychologically

sindatur wrote:Linna, about Life not being fair, to paraphrase Marcus Cole from Babylon 5, Thank God life isn't fair, can you imagine how much worse our lives could be, if it was fair, and we got hit for every little mis-step

never truer words.


I've never visited this thread so I have a lot of catching up.

I am so angry these days. I am angry at a system that has infantilized our poor. I am angry that I don't see any hope for the people I see every day. I am angry that I can't find an answer for them.......or me. I am angry at myself for whoring myself to a system and a way of life I don't believe in. I am angry at myself for not having the courage to just listen to my inner voice and walk away.

lorin wrote:

sindatur wrote:Linna, about Life not being fair, to paraphrase Marcus Cole from Babylon 5, Thank God life isn't fair, can you imagine how much worse our lives could be, if it was fair, and we got hit for every little mis-step

never truer words.


I've never visited this thread so I have a lot of catching up.

I am so angry these days. I am angry at a system that has infantilized our poor. I am angry that I don't see any hope for the people I see every day. I am angry that I can't find an answer for them.......or me. I am angry at myself for whoring myself to a system and a way of life I don't believe in. I am angry at myself for not having the courage to just listen to my inner voice and walk away.

But if you walk away, who will take your place? And I know what you mean about not seeing hope for the people you see every day. Because I have to live with knowing that the mountain of corruption and injustice called Nigeria will not change. It's too big for me. I have to let go of that completely, and know that I'm there for a few people and can hopefully point them towards redemption, and hope there is some kind of butterfly effect on the whole... but I often go back to the starfish story in my mind.

Loren Eisley wrote: One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed
a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean.
Approaching the boy, he asked, "What are you doing?"
The youth replied, "Throwing starfish back into the ocean.
The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them back, they'll die."
"Son," the man said, "don't you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish?
You can't make a difference!"
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish,
and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said,
"I made a difference for that one."

Deer, do you mind if I ask you why you stay in Nigeria? Is it a familial attachment or a mission (either assigned by an organization, or one you took upon yourself?) or something I haven't thought of? You have access to a computer, and to the Hearts of The Watch.

If you decided to leave and asked The Watch for help, within 20 minutes, you'd have enough to leave, and within the first 5 or 6 hours, enough to relocate. So, I know it's not a matter of being financially trapped. So, I was just wondering what keeps you there, struggling, if you don't mind my intrusion?

sindatur wrote:Deer, do you mind if I ask you why you stay in Nigeria? Is it a familial attachment or a mission (either assigned by an organization, or one you took upon yourself?) or something I haven't thought of? You have access to a computer, and to the Hearts of The Watch.

If you decided to leave and asked The Watch for help, within 20 minutes, you'd have enough to leave, and within the first 5 or 6 hours, enough to relocate. So, I know it's not a matter of being financially trapped. So, I was just wondering what keeps you there, struggling, if you don't mind my intrusion?

Thank you, sindatur, that is a very good question.

We chose to come to Nigeria to answer what was clearly a calling to do so. I won't try to explain that, just go with me, okay? And thank you for your offer of help when needed. Our organization has made it clear that if/when we think we need to bug out, no matter what time of day or night, we can call them and be on the next plane.

Struggling? yes, but aren't we all? I mean, Nigeria is decidedly more dirty, dangerous and unpleasant than America, no question. But everyone struggles. (And we have the option to leave; 99.999% of Nigerian's don't.) We're not done there yet. I can't really explain that either, we just know we have more to do there.

What keeps me there, personally:
1. The work I do is fulfilling and inspirational for me.
2. My husband is also fulfilled and motivated to do more there. (and yes, he gets tired, frustrated, and annoyed too, but hey, we're all human.)
3. My daughter loves the school she goes to and has a community of 3rd culture kids there who get her, so she wants to graduate from that school, where she has one year to go. After that both my kids will be in the US and I will personally be revisiting my commitment, but we'll cross that bridge...

I hope I answered your questions, and that the "unexplainables" aren't too out there.

deer of the dawn wrote:

sindatur wrote:Deer, do you mind if I ask you why you stay in Nigeria? Is it a familial attachment or a mission (either assigned by an organization, or one you took upon yourself?) or something I haven't thought of? You have access to a computer, and to the Hearts of The Watch.

If you decided to leave and asked The Watch for help, within 20 minutes, you'd have enough to leave, and within the first 5 or 6 hours, enough to relocate. So, I know it's not a matter of being financially trapped. So, I was just wondering what keeps you there, struggling, if you don't mind my intrusion?

Thank you, sindatur, that is a very good question.

We chose to come to Nigeria to answer what was clearly a calling to do so. I won't try to explain that, just go with me, okay? And thank you for your offer of help when needed. Our organization has made it clear that if/when we think we need to bug out, no matter what time of day or night, we can call them and be on the next plane.

Struggling? yes, but aren't we all? I mean, Nigeria is decidedly more dirty, dangerous and unpleasant than America, no question. But everyone struggles. (And we have the option to leave; 99.999% of Nigerian's don't.) We're not done there yet. I can't really explain that either, we just know we have more to do there.

What keeps me there, personally:
1. The work I do is fulfilling and inspirational for me.
2. My husband is also fulfilled and motivated to do more there. (and yes, he gets tired, frustrated, and annoyed too, but hey, we're all human.)
3. My daughter loves the school she goes to and has a community of 3rd culture kids there who get her, so she wants to graduate from that school, where she has one year to go. After that both my kids will be in the US and I will personally be revisiting my commitment, but we'll cross that bridge...

I hope I answered your questions, and that the "unexplainables" aren't too out there.

I figured it must be something like that. Sometimes, when it all gets to be too much, it can help to spell out "why you put up with it all", so, I was also trying to help you unclench your fists in the asking of the question.

My daughter was broken up with today: via Facebook.

deer- augh!

lorin wrote:

sindatur wrote:Linna, about Life not being fair, to paraphrase Marcus Cole from Babylon 5, Thank God life isn't fair, can you imagine how much worse our lives could be, if it was fair, and we got hit for every little mis-step

never truer words.

Btw, thanks you guys... this comment has come to mind numerous times in the last few weeks.

Linna Heartlistener wrote:deer- augh!

lorin wrote:

sindatur wrote:Linna, about Life not being fair, to paraphrase Marcus Cole from Babylon 5, Thank God life isn't fair, can you imagine how much worse our lives could be, if it was fair, and we got hit for every little mis-step

never truer words.

Btw, thanks you guys... this comment has come to mind numerous times in the last few weeks.

Thanks Linna and Lorin, it's much easier to soldier on, on the tough side of life being "Fair", when, seeing you affirm the struggle for a better tomorrow (See the Fist Shaking Thread)

Oh, Ooops....This IS the Fist Shaking Thread

I shake my Fist at Home Repairs....
Washer leaked, needed to get it dealt with, waited 3 weeks to afford, then took 2 days and $120.00 to Fix.

Oh, and BTW, Dryer needs fixing, too Fire hazard the way it's straining and smelling overheated, $75.00 Minimum

Air Conditioner went out, 89 Degree day, found out Home Warranty ran out and would take 16 calendar days to re-activate. Meanwhile, 3 or 4 days later the Water Heater started leaking on Hardwood Floor. Sweated and mopped up constantly for 16 days, then chose Water Heater to deal with, $75.00 Service Charge, 8 more days until repair done, $201.00 charge on top of the $75.00 Service Fee.

Good News, is, through all of this, even though this has been a trying month, Temp only got above 90 Degrees 4 or 5 times, so, AC has been tough not to have, but, not a near death experience.

So,
I still need to repair the Dryer, Minimum $75, maybe $125 Charge.
Plus the Service Charge for $75.00 to come out and diagnose, and/or repair Air Conditioner (This could be a simple $75.00 visit, but, it could also involve uncovered stuff for $Hundreds)

If nothing else goes wrong, I hope to have it all dealt with by the beginning of August, Temperatures are going to get ugly soon, need the AC

But anyways, (Sorry for doing it again Fist) <Shakes Fist in Rage at Home Repairs>

Drupal! I hate you so much! Why does everyone love you? I want to break up!

stupid politicians who keep not voting money into our prison system so i can get a raise...

Stupid headaches I get trying to think of something to shake my fist at and failing.

(This actually did happen once, for real. I was doing a "mindfulness meditation" exercise which involved channeling good feelings at various groups - people who help you, who you work with, who you like, who whatever, etc. The last one was "people who put stress on you and are difficult to deal with." Up until that moment I had been feeling really into it, which is rare for me and calmness exercises, but then I just kind of sat there with a completely blank mind cuz I couldn't think of anyone. And as I kept thinking of people and saying 'nah they're great' my head started to hurt. So then I thought "people who try and get me to think of a difficult person to channel good feelings at when I can't think of one are difficult people" and I felt satisfied that I completed the exercise." But I still had a headache. This thread didn't give me a headache so it doesn't really count.)

Lol, Holsety. You made me think of the first time in years when I experienced hatred (it has been rare in my life to hate passionately). It was, of course, a very close friend' who had done a horrible thing to her family. Her children were small and there was a day when I heard her son's pain and anguish as he lashed out at my (then) little son. I looked at her smiling portrait on the wall and I hated her. It was a very strange, unfamiliar, painful fire raging in my heart.

The good news is that she turned her life around and there was healing for her family and many years later she is still my close friend.

Damn you, miniature apocalypse!

damn you need to work!!!