Kevin's Watch

I don't think I've ever posted in this thread, but I just need to pour my heart out for a minute...

I recently suffered a great loss - the loss of a close and dear friend. But I didn't lose this friend through death - I lost her through lies, willful deceit, and betrayal. This is someone that, other than my wife, daughters and family, was probably as important to me as any best friend that I ever had. When I discovered this huge web of lies - well, at first I didn't know how to handle it, and to be perfectly honest, I still don't know what I think about it. I confronted her, mostly because I wanted her to tell me that the things that I heard were not true, I didn't want to believe the worst - but she admitted everything, and more. She begged forgiveness, and I did forgive her, but the lies continued, and it finally reached a point where I simply did not trust or believe her about anything any more. We're no longer speaking to each other.

To be quite honest, I'm emotionally devastated, and probably clinically depressed. I'm certainly at one of the lowest points in my life. Obviously I have other friends, and a couple of them are also very close to me, one of which knows this entire story and has been so supportive - she's just been absolutely fantastic through out this whole thing. Still, I write this with tears in my eyes, because the pain is almost unbearable.

Thanks for listening.

Oh man



Oh man. I wish there was something I could say.

I'm sorry to hear that DLB. I felt (and still feel) much the same when I found out about my stepfather and how my mother was protecting the bastard.

I'm sorry, I wish I could say more.

Just came back from an amazing "turn-your-lights-down-low" poetry reading at my college. They released our literary magazine, and I read two of my poems that were in it ("Greek Tragedy" and "Loneliness"). I also read another one that wasn't in the magazine, called "Invective Against Self." I jokingly said, "This is one is very optimistic!" before I began reading. Anyway, there was lots of coffee and cheesecake and cookies to be had, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to jog it off. In any case, a great time was had by all.

dlb,

The only thing I can think to say is along these lines. Maybe you've already thought of it. You're not entirely ignorant of psychological matters, after all. But you're not necessarily thinking clearly at the moment, so...

There is the possibility that your lost friend is an evil person. One who takes delight in manipulating people, and feels smart every time a lie is believed. An "I'm so much smarter than him! Goody for me!" kind of thing.

But I think the motivation for these people is more often quite different. Things like deep-rooted fear, or feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. Some people's sense of self-worth comes only from the respect they get from others, and it doesn't matter to them that that respect is not deserved. Such people get caught up in their lies, and do not know how to disentangle themselves from it. Coming clean isn't an option. After all, if her true self wasn't good enough to show the world, how much worse would it be if a stack of lies was added to that true self? Chances are she doesn't feel proud of herself. She blew it, likely not for the first, or even hundredth, time, and now feels even worse than she did before.

Your loss is bad enough, but don't take it at all personally. No ill was directed at you. An irrational, desperate need for approval was directed at you, and she now directs the ill at herself.

Dlb. I'm very sorry to hear this. If you ever need someone to chat to, I'm here.

dlb, we're all here for you.

Hang in their man!

Truly sorry Dlb. The old cliche about being better off without people like that is a cliche exactly because it is a truism.

Unfortunately, there is nothing that can be done about it, and it certainly, as Fist said, is no reflection on you.

We can never prevent the world or others from harming us. But we can learn and grow from it.

The important thing is not to drag the pain around with you for too long.

--Avatar

Don ~

dlb: sorry to hear about your once friend.

As for me, I am feeling very weird tonight.

I might have saved someone's life this afternoon. Well, at least my supervisor said if I had not been at work this afternoon, the man would have died...

I'm really not sure what to think or feel, and I am still running on adrenaline. And my asthma got going, and I have been wheezy for hours.

I know that working in a hospital, I am part of the patient care team and probably help heal/save people all of the time. But to my knowledge, I have never personally been responsible for something like this before.

Lord Foul wrote:Just came back from an amazing "turn-your-lights-down-low" poetry reading at my college. They released our literary magazine, and I read two of my poems that were in it ("Greek Tragedy" and "Loneliness"). I also read another one that wasn't in the magazine, called "Invective Against Self." I jokingly said, "This is one is very optimistic!" before I began reading. Anyway, there was lots of coffee and cheesecake and cookies to be had, and I'm not quite sure how I'm going to jog it off. In any case, a great time was had by all.

That's cool, Foul.

Very sorry about your situation, dlb. Your story reconfirms for me why I don't keep very close friends.

i feel okay. got an A on my english paper. but just now i feel sad for dlb and wish there was something i could say that would help.

hugs dlb. big hugs.

Dlb, that sucks. Hang in there, and we are all here to support you.

Thank you all. I've never had the gift of story telling that some of you have, and I'm certainly no poet, but typing that out last night and posting that here really helped me through another critical moment. Your kind comments are uplifting, and the world looks brighter this morning!

Thanks again!

Glad to hear that, Dlb! Now, can I have that lady's number? She sounds just like the kind of woman I'd end up dating.....

dANdeLION wrote:Glad to hear that, Dlb! Now, can I have that lady's number? She sounds just like the kind of woman I'd end up dating.....

Glad talking about it helped, Dlb.

DLB......I've been there and I know how much it hurts. It does get better in time and someday you'll realize you haven't lost anything. Another reason I like dogs......