Kevin's Watch

Unfortunately, you appear to be living evidence of the fact that ignorance isn't bliss.

Very good. You managed to do two hours worth of work in eight hours time. That's a new record for you.

Why do you bother asking questions when you don't listen to the answer?

X? X!? Seriously?

You're talking into a pen.

Seriously. He was talking into a pen. It felt like the conch from Lord of the Flies. In the middle of a staff meeting, to show he had the floor, he was talking into a pen. And this was a conference call. Half of the people couldn't even see the pen. Didn't matter. He was talking into a bleeping pen.

Zones of silence, please. If you are going to listen to Gregorian Chants all day for heaven's sake wear your headphones and spare the rest of us.

Are you allergic to punctuation? I've seen more coherent writing in the comment section on YouTube.

Before you started working here there were eight people working in this department. Now there are three and if you don't start applying deodorant there will be two.

Choking you out would oh so complete my day.

Didn't you have an appointment to ass-kiss?

Eat my shorts, man.

For the first time in your life give a crap about your co workers and shut up.

Go on, please keep explaining how you could do my job better. In fact, why don't you give a demonstration? Wait just a minute, I need popcorn.

How on Earth have you manged to stay employed this long?

I'm going to need you to choose between eating and talking, since it's yet another way you fail at multitasking.

Justice would be served if you could manage to cease commiting the crime of bathing in obnoxious cologne.

Kindly stand a few feet further away when talking to me so that I don't have to smell your halitosis.

Look out, I quit

Money just isn't good enough to put up with this outfit any longer.

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