Posted: Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:28 pm
Continuing ...
- - - - - - - - - - -
The Amnion vessel Inexorable Formication was steadfastly patrolling the border of Amnion space. It was an Amnion defensive with very little capability - a passive defensive, really - and it was stuck out here in the least favorite part of Amnion space, near the humans.
It was relegated to this backwater because its decisive, Darc Cubicle, was really annoying. Cubicle was the unwanted product of a failed Amnion experiment, in which the Amnion tried to create a mime which could pass itself off as human. The result was a hideous creature, with half of a human face, and one side all pasty white. He retained the vestiges of verbal human communication, and so had a limited use to the Amnion. But still: he was damn annoying.
He was fully human once, until his ship was commandeered by clowns. They thought it would be hilarious to sell Cubicle to the Amnion for the secret to squirting lapel flowers. (They already knew how to make squirting lapel flowers - that was what made it funny.)
Darc was in his quarters, miming trapping clowns in a box, when the Inexorable Formication's sensors detected an incursion. Something human had resumed tard across the border into Amnion space.
- - - - - - - - - -
Flirtina awoke with a severe hangover. She found herself in a strange bed. Recent events were hazy. Then she saw that Dinky lay beside her, sleeping with a smile on his face, and it wasn't just painted on. Empty seltzer bottles lay scattered.
Groan.
She tried to escape the premises silently, but the clown woke up.
"Where ya goin', babe?"
"Uh... I got someplace I gotta be, so, you know ..."
"No, no. Stay. Make me some breakfast, girl."
"No way in hell I'm makin' anyone breakfast."
"Screw that, b-"
... well, suffice it to say that Flirtina takes no crap from any man, and Dinky is, well, clown crazy, and so about a minute and a half later they are exchanging blaster fire from opposite sides of Dinky's rumpled bed.
Suddenly, funny noises that passed for warning claxons warned that they were resuming tard.
Dinky threw himself out the door, tried to get away. Flirtina fired her blaster down the hall after him. Missed.
Then she used the bosoms. Lightning filled the passage, struck Dinky in the middle of the back, threw him on the floor of the passage. He lay there, centered in a big black fragmark.
Flirtina stepped on his ass with the heels as she headed to her ship. Teach him.
The Todds were screwing around in the hold when Flirtina collected them. They put on their clothes while they marched behind her back to the Tranquil Badonkadonk.
Where the secret UMCP communications device was delivering the following mesage.
THIS IS THE AMNION DEFENSIVE INEXORABLE FORMICATION.
MUTUAL SATISFACTION OF REQUIREMENTS IS ESSENTIAL FOR
CONTINUED EXISTENCE OF THE VERY WEIRD HUMAN VESSEL
WHICH HAS INCURRED A POSITIONAL DEBT TO THE AMNION DEMESNE.
WE DEMAND A SHRUBBERY. NO WAIT. WE DEMAND A CLOWN.
YEAH A CLOWN.
Flirtina smiled. Send in the clown.
She and her Todds went back to the clown ship, and picked up Dinky Clownface. He was coming to, but she didn't care. She dragged him to an escape pod, threw him in, sealed the door. Then she programmed the e-pod to take a course straight to the Amnion. When she was done, she pressed the eject button.
She felt like she had won.
Then she went to her cabin, to watch the e-pod on the big screen TV. When she turned on the Pod Channel, she watched with satisfaction as the e-pod travelled along a direct line from The Happy Elephant to the Inexorable Formication. Then she noticed how badly her nails needed work.
"Todd!"
- - - - - - - - - -
When Dinky came fully to, he found himself trapped in an escape pod. Looking out the window, he saw he was heading towards an Amnion defensive. He tried the controls; they were locked out.
Dinky mused: women; can't live with 'em, can't space 'em.
But no clown goes down without a laugh.
Dinky buckled in. Then he reached way down to the bottom of the pod. Found a piece of string. Pulled it.
Thhhppppptttttt....
- - - - - - - - - -
Looking up from her manicure, Flirtina noticed the escape pod changing it's trajectory. It flew left ... then right ... then up ... then down. Like a balloon which has become untied and let loose. Thhhppppptttttt....
The Amnion ship began firing at the escape pod. But it was too elusive. Amnion proton beams went in all directions.
The escape pod was visibly shrinking. Before it ran out of air, it crashed into The Hulking Elephant, was swallowed up inside a biosphere. Algae sealed the breach.
The photon fire stitched destruction across the hull of the Tranquil Badonkadonk. Parts exploded. Other parts fell off.
The air locks that connected the Tranquil Badonkadonk with The Happy Elephant were blown away. The ships drifted apart.
- - - - - - - - - -
To be continued ...
- - - - - - - - - - -
The Amnion vessel Inexorable Formication was steadfastly patrolling the border of Amnion space. It was an Amnion defensive with very little capability - a passive defensive, really - and it was stuck out here in the least favorite part of Amnion space, near the humans.
It was relegated to this backwater because its decisive, Darc Cubicle, was really annoying. Cubicle was the unwanted product of a failed Amnion experiment, in which the Amnion tried to create a mime which could pass itself off as human. The result was a hideous creature, with half of a human face, and one side all pasty white. He retained the vestiges of verbal human communication, and so had a limited use to the Amnion. But still: he was damn annoying.
He was fully human once, until his ship was commandeered by clowns. They thought it would be hilarious to sell Cubicle to the Amnion for the secret to squirting lapel flowers. (They already knew how to make squirting lapel flowers - that was what made it funny.)
Darc was in his quarters, miming trapping clowns in a box, when the Inexorable Formication's sensors detected an incursion. Something human had resumed tard across the border into Amnion space.
- - - - - - - - - -
Flirtina awoke with a severe hangover. She found herself in a strange bed. Recent events were hazy. Then she saw that Dinky lay beside her, sleeping with a smile on his face, and it wasn't just painted on. Empty seltzer bottles lay scattered.
Groan.
She tried to escape the premises silently, but the clown woke up.
"Where ya goin', babe?"
"Uh... I got someplace I gotta be, so, you know ..."
"No, no. Stay. Make me some breakfast, girl."
"No way in hell I'm makin' anyone breakfast."
"Screw that, b-"
... well, suffice it to say that Flirtina takes no crap from any man, and Dinky is, well, clown crazy, and so about a minute and a half later they are exchanging blaster fire from opposite sides of Dinky's rumpled bed.
Suddenly, funny noises that passed for warning claxons warned that they were resuming tard.
Dinky threw himself out the door, tried to get away. Flirtina fired her blaster down the hall after him. Missed.
Then she used the bosoms. Lightning filled the passage, struck Dinky in the middle of the back, threw him on the floor of the passage. He lay there, centered in a big black fragmark.
Flirtina stepped on his ass with the heels as she headed to her ship. Teach him.
The Todds were screwing around in the hold when Flirtina collected them. They put on their clothes while they marched behind her back to the Tranquil Badonkadonk.
Where the secret UMCP communications device was delivering the following mesage.
THIS IS THE AMNION DEFENSIVE INEXORABLE FORMICATION.
MUTUAL SATISFACTION OF REQUIREMENTS IS ESSENTIAL FOR
CONTINUED EXISTENCE OF THE VERY WEIRD HUMAN VESSEL
WHICH HAS INCURRED A POSITIONAL DEBT TO THE AMNION DEMESNE.
WE DEMAND A SHRUBBERY. NO WAIT. WE DEMAND A CLOWN.
YEAH A CLOWN.
Flirtina smiled. Send in the clown.
She and her Todds went back to the clown ship, and picked up Dinky Clownface. He was coming to, but she didn't care. She dragged him to an escape pod, threw him in, sealed the door. Then she programmed the e-pod to take a course straight to the Amnion. When she was done, she pressed the eject button.
She felt like she had won.
Then she went to her cabin, to watch the e-pod on the big screen TV. When she turned on the Pod Channel, she watched with satisfaction as the e-pod travelled along a direct line from The Happy Elephant to the Inexorable Formication. Then she noticed how badly her nails needed work.
"Todd!"
- - - - - - - - - -
When Dinky came fully to, he found himself trapped in an escape pod. Looking out the window, he saw he was heading towards an Amnion defensive. He tried the controls; they were locked out.
Dinky mused: women; can't live with 'em, can't space 'em.
But no clown goes down without a laugh.
Dinky buckled in. Then he reached way down to the bottom of the pod. Found a piece of string. Pulled it.
Thhhppppptttttt....
- - - - - - - - - -
Looking up from her manicure, Flirtina noticed the escape pod changing it's trajectory. It flew left ... then right ... then up ... then down. Like a balloon which has become untied and let loose. Thhhppppptttttt....
The Amnion ship began firing at the escape pod. But it was too elusive. Amnion proton beams went in all directions.
The escape pod was visibly shrinking. Before it ran out of air, it crashed into The Hulking Elephant, was swallowed up inside a biosphere. Algae sealed the breach.
The photon fire stitched destruction across the hull of the Tranquil Badonkadonk. Parts exploded. Other parts fell off.
The air locks that connected the Tranquil Badonkadonk with The Happy Elephant were blown away. The ships drifted apart.
- - - - - - - - - -
To be continued ...
How does it work that he makes more money by giving it away?
