Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[Ananda]

Very hawt, Zorm!

Shur-lord! wake up! BOB, I want all my garmonbozia!

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Okay. I haven't forgotten. Been thinking about this quite a bit. I have had several ideas, but I always throw them out the window by the time I get here. I think I have a fun one now, though.

Details coming soon.

[Linna Heartbooger]

Hmmm... it is a game, but more of a cooperative game - it doesn't work for a contest topic...

Maybe you can branch something off that thread though?

Like... a contest where the theme is:
"Use a bunch of words from the new thread in your entry" or:
"Use five words from that thread in funny ways."
(it's got some pretty good ones, already!)

[Shuram Gudatetris]

Hmmm... it is a game, but more of a cooperative game - it doesn't work for a contest topic...

Maybe you can branch something off that thread though?

Like... a contest where the theme is:
"Use a bunch of words from the new thread in your entry" or:
"Use five words from that thread in funny ways."
(it's got some pretty good ones, already!)

That's actually exactly where i was going with this, I just didn't think it would take this long to get twelve entries I actually came on here thinking I would just change it to ten so we can get the show on the road Maybe twelve was too many, sorry for keeping everyone waitng for so long.

-----------------------------------------

The Misadventures of Mallory

Who is this Mallory person anyway? And why is she (he?) trying to take over the Watch? Below you will find ten random words and phrases. Incorporate these words into a short story, telling us all about the mischevious mishaps of the mysterious Mallory.

1. a canister of liquid
2. disemboweled
3. epiphany
4. happily
5. had been buying information
6. fishes.
7. warily
8. scream
9. crepuscular
10. Rumplestiltskin

Use as many items as you can. Special consideration for using all ten!

[Vraith]

Heh...I wondered, shur how [or even IF] there was a tie in to the mini you made....
I think I like the idea...I have hopes for the outcome...LET THE GAME BEGIN!

OHHH...but you have to put in a deadline date [from experience...give it at least a week to ten days, secretly allow a couple days for late submissions...SSSSHHHHH! don't admit it!]....then you have your choices...you can judge yourself, take private message votes, create a thread poll vote, whatever...[I notice no one has created a literary de-MERIT/criticism/debate option yet...]

[Shuram Gudatetris]

I guess I should have mentioned my plan, or just started it here. When I thought about doing it this, I was just going to give the items, but then I thought everyone could have some fun choosing the words, sort of making your own bed kind of thing. I thought I would get the entries in a snap, but it took longer than I thought. That's my bad, no one knew what I up to and I should have laid it all out from the beginning.

Well, I hope you guys have some fun with this Let's say deadline is the end of the day of April 25, 2012

[Linna Heartbooger]

I guess I should have mentioned my plan, or just started it here... That's my bad, no one knew what I up to and I should have laid it all out from the beginning.

Actually, I think the approach you took maybe WAS the right one!

...because if you'd told us exactly what the "mini-game" thread was for, it would probably result in different answers than we'd choose otherwise... kinda like a social experiment.

We're just impatient people, that's all. =)

[DoctorGamgee]

My entry is entitled: We're not in Kansas anymore!

The epiphany that her travels with Munchkins, Winkies, and the Wicked Witch of the West had prepared her for this is too much for Dorothy and a crepuscular scream escapes her lips as she warily looks behind the curtain the Great and Powerful Oz had warned her about, fishes a canister of liquid labled "Acid-Pro" from her picnic basket and disembowled the robot--revealing that Oz was nothing but Mallory with an IPad inside the behemoth who had been buying information on Rumplestiltskin from Amazon.com during her travails.

[Ananda]

Nice one, Doc!

I'll work on something this week. Welcome to Word Sallad with your host, William S. Burroughs!

[Linna Heartbooger]

Mallory calmly surveyed the landscape. Clear, open skies. And she walked across the smooth, polished tile floors... or - wait, that doesn't make sense - they should be dusty desert, or maybe rolling plains, but you know.. kinda empty.

She casually picked up a canister of liquid fishes. She warily looked at the camera... or was it a glass wall? Then she happily spray-painted her name on the glass. Ahh, so there's glass in front of me. Alright. Also, I swear there's a woman in the glass, behind that pattern... which is my lovely name, "Mallory."

Anyway, she had been buying information, and you know how that racket goes. Can never trust information gathered by yourself, can never trust information gathered by others. Information - something which becomes sparser when the crepuscular darkness (which means the darkness of twilight, which I would like to subtly refer to a "Twilight-induced darkness"; it's a sort of soul-darkening thing to have so many pictures of... Edmund? Edgar? Edwin? E-dude? ...all over these pages that I mostly otherwise would like to look at) ...ahem, when the precursor of darkness... Umm, I think I meant "the crepuscular darkness" - go easy on me, it's a new vocabulary word for me - not that I didn't see it in the SRD books I read, but seriously you can't expect me to look up every single thing. Anyways, what I was TRYING to say if you would stop interrupting her, was something about crepuscular darkness setting over this land of Mallory's. Basically don't be surprised if a disemboweled scream (disembodied scream?) escapes Mallory's lips now and then if you keep posting pics of that creepy vampire dude from that crepuscular fiction.
(hey, I used it 3 times! 3 times and it's mine!)

And then I had an epiphany...
Or, I mean, she had an epiphany.
Because, like, Mallory and I are in no ways identified.
Oh, drat. I forgot the epiphany.
Or maybe it only made sense in my head.
Like those epiphanies where, in a dream, you figure how to do one of the most impossible problems on your homework and then you wake up and realize that the parts you'd come up with required you to take the square root of Rumplestiltskin. (ouch!)

[DoctorGamgee]

Delightful, Linna! Excellent!

[Lefdmae Deemalr Effaeldm]

Did I find a way to cheat with that voting after all? Well, in a way

Old news about the previous round, of course, but well, news tend to be only comparatively new, like even if you're on the spot next to the event, it takes some time for the light to travel to your eyes, but that's at the speed of light at least, and then some time for the mind to process what happened, which is likely longer, well, you get the idea)

And already interesting entries in this round as well, I'm afraid I'm not likely to take part or even watch actively, though that's just my preferences, I'm too much interested to read about the characters I enjoy, which often spoils good stories for me.

[sgt.null]

Archeologists who had been had been buying information and warily excavating burial crepuscular sites from 4000 BC have happily discovered a canister of liquid with glue made from disemboweled tree sap. We know that the ancient Greeks developed adhesives for use in carpentry, and created recipes for glue that included the following items as ingredients: egg whites, blood, bones, milk, cheese, vegetables and grains. Tar and beeswax were used by the Romans for glue.

Around 1750, the first glue or adhesive patent was warily issued in Britain. The glue was happily made from fishes. Patents were then warily issued for adhesives using natural rubber, animal bones, fishes, starch, milk protein or casein.

Superglue - Synthetic Glue
Superglue or Krazy Glue is a substance called cyanoacrylate that was discovered happily by Dr. Harry Rumplestiltskin while working for Kodak Research Laboratories to develop an optically crepuscular plastic for gunsights in 1942. Rumplestiltskin rejected cyanoacrylate because it was too sticky.

In 1951, cyanoacrylate was rediscovered by Rumplestiltskin and Dr Fred Mallory. Rumplestiltskin had an epiphany scream and was now supervising research at the Eastman Company in Tennessee. Rumplestiltskin and Mallory were researching a heat-resistant acrylate polymer for jet canopies when Mallory and discovered that the prisms were glued together.

Rumplestiltskin finally realized with his epiphany scream that cyanoacrylate was a useful product and in 1958 the Eastman compound #910 was marketed and later packaged as crepuscular superglue.

Hot Glue - Thermoplastic Glue
Hot glue or hot melt adhesives are thermoplastics that are applied hot (often using glue guns) and then harden as they cool. Hot glue and glue guns are commonly used for arts and crafts because of the wide range of materials that hot glue can stick together.

Procter & Gamble chemical and packaging engineer, Paul Cope invented thermoplastic glue around 1940 as an improvement to water-based adhesives that were failing in humid climates.

Dr. Mallory would use the money from his discoveries to fund a gaming site on an obscure web page celebrating the works of Stephen R Donaldson.

[Ananda]

I don't see a due date in the rule post. What is the due date? I'm having a crazy week and haven't had time to do anything yet.

[Linna Heartbooger]

effy- I just gotta love "cheating" that actually honor rules and people.. Good fer ya!

Sarge- very informative!
What mallory chose to use his $ for tells me a lot about the dude.

also, I'm sure not everyone has seen the following post, but I was referencing it:
kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=63038#63038

[deer of the dawn]

@Linna, like totally...

@ Sarge, holy crap!! I couldn't even finish reading I was laughing so hard. I had to go back and finish after I got a grip.

The two of you inspired me to create this poll.

This was quite an interesting challenge, well done!!

O, Rumpelstiltskin
a disemboweled scream
fishes in the nethers
Of a mother's dream

Old Rumpelstiltskin
had been buying information
Crepuscular, the evening
of his infiltration

Och, Rumpelstiltskin
The doorkeeper bribing
A canister of liquid
Happily imbibing

Ogre Rumpelstiltskin
Into the palace stealing
Warily would-be princess
For her child dealing

O Rumpelstiltskin!
In the midnight spinning
An epiphany of straw to gold
And grinning....

[sgt.null]

outstanding deer - you have my vote so far.

[Ananda]

I know, toooooo long, but I've been too busy this last week and a half to write something, so I wrote this quickly and have no time to edit it down. Sorry!

---

[Saul Goodman and Barney Muldoon screen some evidence- a never aired and final episode of an american TV programme]
*TV Screen flickers on as Saul presses the remote*
*Announcer's deep male voice* Next on Mysteries of the Unknown, we explore the mystery of Mallory
*Opening title sequence for the show featuring many occult symbols, dramatic scenes including what appears to be a chicken being disemboweled, and close ups of faces that seem to be in a trance.*

*there is a dark scene, nothing is visible. Suddenly a voice speaks from the blackness and a face is illuminated from beneath*
--The Host [deep, smooth voice like aged whiskey and evoking wonder] - It's been said that there are some mysteries *pause* shrouded in such darkness *pause* that they are better left *pause* *the light is withdrawn* in the shadooooooows…

*the cold tinkle of crystal chimes briefly is heard as though wind had just blown through the stage*

Tonight, we explore one of the darkest mysteries of mankind. A being of legend known for *his face suddenly is illuminated again* trickery! *he backs out of the light and the light fades* *pause and then the light finds him in a different spot- his eyes wide and expressive* Deceit! *light fades again and he's gone*

*he speaks disembodied from the darkness* A force some say is too dangerous to approach. A *pause* darkest mystery. *light shines on his face again and he is very dramatic* Mallory! *the light goes out suddenly*

*The host is now in a back alley with a cameraman following him. he turns to the camera*
-- The Host- We're here in Las Vegas following a lead. We're told there is a man, a recluse, who frequents this alley collecting particular labels from discarded cans. Why he comes here and only here to collect these labels, we don't know. We are only told that he might know something. *the number 23 is shown behind the host's head on the wall*

*fast forward*

-- Haggard man - *he lets out a long scream* Don't touch them! They are mine! *man waves a handful of torn paper around briefly and then warily stuffs them down the front of his very heavy winter coat oddly worn in las vegas*
-- The Host - tell us again, what do you know about Mallory? I had been buying information from sources all over the country and your name kept coming up.
-- Haggard man - *becomes as still as a statue for a long moment and then starts shivering, pulling his coat closer to himself* No… no… nononononononononoooooooo! She will never accept it! nonononononono… Magus Magda won't allow it! Don't say it! Don't ask it! *he takes some labels and tries to stuff them in his ears*
-- The Host *insisting* Magus Magda wants you to tell us. I was sent here to learn about her. *demands* Tell us about her. Where can I find her?
-- Haggard man *he screams again* - Belgrade! Go! go! go! 23 Dunavska! Rumplestiltskin- say it! *he becomes frantic and begins to forcefully shove the wads of paper into his ears, beating them into the side of his head. For a half a moment, what looks like a tentacle reaches out of his coat and grabs a slip of paper, pulling it down inside. His screams become strange and he flees into the ever crepuscular light of the alleys of las vegas at night*

*fast forward and a warning about unedited footage*

-- The Host *speaking into the camera inside a shabby hotel room. his face is pale and he looks very frightened. he is breathing heavily* We were warned to stay away. *pauses to swallow dryly* What we've seen … I … I don't know how to describe it. *collects himself* We arrived here in Belgrade and easily found the address we were given. It was some sort of warehouse near the danube river. *a nervous laugh breaks from him briefly before he gathers himself again* We approached the building in the afternoon on the day of our arrival. The place looked unused. We knocked on the door and no one answered. We had just turned to leave when I saw something out of the tail of my eye. I figure robed in red briefly flashed in one of the windows. On a hunch, I shouted out, "Rumplestiltskin!" The air seemed to become very still, but nothing happened so we left, but with the intention of coming back at night and staking the place out.

*he pauses to drink a shot from a bottle of vodka on the table. Mumbling* you can just edit this out later can't you?

-- Camera man *marginally audible* We need to get the fuck out of here, man.

-- The Host *irritated* - We're going to see this through.
*the camera jumbles around as though the operator is taking it off his shoulder and is set on the table at an odd angle. there are some inaudible comments. The Host stands up and reaches out* All right, all right, we'll take the first plane out in the morning. There aren't any flights until nine anyway. Just relax. Have a drink. *he pours the camera man a shot and hands it to him. The camera gets picked up again*

*the host puts his game face back on* We did stake out the warehouse later that night. There was a light from inside, so we snuck around the back and shot some footage through a window. We had come across an occult staging area- that was certain. There was an alter of some sort. Around it were various fishes, I think. There was a strange cross with many astrologi… *the camera suddenly shoots up and is dropped on the table again*

-- Camera man *barely audible* Do you hear that? What the fuck is that? I can hear them laughing… little voices. *the camera man comes into view. he is obviously panicked, his eyes are very wide and his long brown hair is askew*

-- The Host - Calm down. Have another drink. It's ..

-- Camera man *a wild grin covers his face* what did they make us drink out of that canister of liquid? I think they drugged us. I think they fuckin' drugged us, man. We got to get out of here. *breathing heavily and pacing*

*heavy sound of a door pounding open. The camera gets knocked to the floor*

-- The Host - it's … You
*strange sounds can be heard. it is unclear what it is… it almost seems like laughter of little voices*

-- A voice *barely understandable* Frater … Perdurabo *sound of what may be the long intaking of a breath*

*fast forward back to the studio filming the closing scene of the episode*
-- The Host - … and though most of our footage was lost in the scuffle, I am still here to tell the tale.. the tale of Mallory. For I have seen the face. And now *he smiles as though he's had an epiphany* I give this gift to my god. *he takes a small, thin object from his suit pocket. It is a straight razor as can be seen as he unfolds it* This is for you, Mallory! I love you! I LOVE YOU! *smiling, he sweeps the razor across his throat. He is still smiling and seems to be laughing through the gurgles and he falls to his knees, blood pouring from the wound*

*the camera swings away and many voices are shouting conflicting orders to either cut or keep filming*

*the laughter of small voices seems to be caught on film*

[Saul and Barney look at each other knowingly as the tape ends]

[deer of the dawn]

Bad. So bad. So evocatively, atmospherically bad.

Well done!!

[Linna Heartbooger]

Next theme: "Shakespearean" bad writing...

Come up with bad writing that you can qualify as being... "Shakespearean," Elizabethan-period, or better yet someone trying to do "Shakespearean-style" and failing utterly to comprehend what that entails!

what am I getting this thread in to? ...oh dear.

Remember - bad writing... review the initial corpus of "bad writing" if necessary.
Some of us (deer?) have been perilously close to... dare I say it? ...good writing, lately!
We can't have that here!
(Don't worry, I wasn't referring to the Bill-and-Ted's Drool - that was bad-writing white-gold.)

Deadline: about 3 weeks. I'll make that more specific shortly.