Sweet Grace: From the journal pages of Furls Fire

[Godschild]

They are so cute!!!! Congrats!!!!!

[Fire Daughter]

Thanks Godschild We are truly blessed.

[Fire Daughter]

Hello Everyone,

I haven't been here at all lately. Busy with our now mobile twins and working through some issues I had with the Watch. But my beautiful mother insists I come and tells me that I need to relay a message for her. I don't know who the message is for, but for the last couple of days she has been pushing me to return through dreams and through my brother.

Stevie came to me this morning, he was holding one of Mom's journals opened to the date July 23, 2009. Here it is...I hope this helps anyone who is struggling...

This evening, the sky appears to be on fire. There is a feeling of angst riding the air and I think about injustice, hatred, discrimination...these things seem to be intruding on the peace of the mountain. I am angered, for no reason really, just angered. I think about all the people that live in fear, or in persecution, or in servitude to the views of society. Happiness denied them, they live their lives in conformity, refusing to give in to their wants.

I don't know where this is coming from. Maybe because I see so much of the ostracization people with AIDS face on a daily basis. Or maybe it's more fundamental than that, maybe it's the way some people can not be with ones they love the most. Afraid of society's view of right, wrong, acceptable, unacceptable...tolerance, intolerance, moral, immoral...Sweet mercy...happiness should not be tethered to such fodder.

Who am I to declare one person's happiness is unacceptable? Who am I to presume that how I feel should matter or dictate what they feel? Such things are ludicrous.

I know those who cower below the hammer of society, and I find it appalling.

"When we're free to love, anyone we chose
this world's big enough for all different views
when we all can worship from our own kind of pew
then we shall be free..."

Love...Happiness...Grace...Peace...should all be free.

God bless...hope Mom's words uplift anyone who feels down today.

[Menolly]

From what rumbles I've heard, you may wish to share this in the "polyamorous" thread (I think it's called) in the 'tank...

[Savor Dam]

Thank you, FD! First of all, it is a delight to see you posting here again.

Second, but in no way less, what you posted is a bright and warm light at a time when one was needed. Not just for the reasons Menolly indirectly references (she does not ever read the Tank. so only indirectly knows what is going on in the thread she mentions), but for what I would call an amazing coincidence...if I were one who believed in coincidence.

I remember 7/23/09. Searching for an internet connection that evening. Dam-sel, Dam-et and I had just set camp in at our usual spot between La Pine and Sun River, within sight of the Mountain. Menolly, Dam-sel and I had been chatting for some days about what was happening up there...and many other matters. Menolly and I (mostly separately, but increasingly in joint sessions) had been chatting for some time with your mother...but we had never told her what was growing in our other chats.

None of us had any clue that July evening what the next six months would hold, much less the next four years...none except Furls, apparently. I remember months later being so scared. Scared for Furls, for what she fought against with her complete serenity. Scared for Dam-sel, Menolly and me as we dealt with not only Furls struggle (since we had all previously lost multiple dear ones to cancer...and Dam-sel was a survivor), but with having to completely reassess our own assumptions about our lives, values and relationships.

That Furls may have seen it all as early as that...is a WOW moment. There are many other credible explanations for what prompted what she wrote, but for us, it fits what what happening then and has evolved since.
"Sweet Mercy", indeed!


PS: May we please have more pictures of Tracie and Alex, now that they are months older?

[Obi-Wan Nihilo]

Grace indeed.

[Fire Daughter]

I'm happy that Mom's words still bring solace and hope to those of The Watch that still read them. I don't know what is happening with everyone here, I am so out of touch with the goings on. But, she is obviously watching over her friends here...

The events of the latter part of 2009 are still very much sharp in my memory. Her strength and faith were incredible. Her ability to love never wavered and her concern for others never faltered. Her life consisted of doing what she called "God's tasks" and she insisted on doing those tasks even when her body was betraying her.

And she is still doing them. Savor Dam, whatever is happening in your lives, know that Mom is watching over you all and I'm sure she will continue to offer help and hope to you through any means she can. I do know that your son is struggling with cancer, and he has been added to our prayers here on the Mountain. We all pray for his complete recovery. Love to all of you.

May God bless everyone here on The Watch.

PS...We are having professional pictures of the twins taken in a couple of weeks. I'll post some when we get them back. They are now sitting up by themselves and crawling everywhere! Life is very very busy right now!

[deer of the dawn]

Her life consisted of doing what she called "God's tasks" and she insisted on doing those tasks even when her body was betraying her.

Thanks for that detail... I feel the same lately about my physical condition and am fighting to "love anyway".

Peace to all.

[Fire Daughter]

Yesterday marked the 4th anniversary of Mom's passing. We spent the day in front of the television watching video after video of her with us and felt her presence so profoundly. We are grateful for all of these time snapshots that we now keep in a protected place. Her light, her voice and her laughter raised our spirits and brought joy to our heavy hearts.

It was especially beautiful watching the twins as they gazed at the television screen at their grandmother, complete recognition in their eyes. They smiled and babbled at her images and at times reached out as if they wanted her to pick them up. They know her in such a special and unique way, we have no doubt that she visits them regularly.

All of us here on the Mountain hope you all had a Merry Christmas and wish you all the happiest of New Years. God bless you all.

[Fire Daughter]

Look who's 10!!!

kevinswatch.ihugny.com/phpBB2/album_page.php?pic_id=2186

We were all truly blessed the day Stephen Isaiah was born.

[Fire Daughter]

Thought I would post the current ages of everyone since so much time has past...

Me: 24 in July
Heidi: 22 In June
Jordan: 20
Ryan: 19
Micah: 18
Tristan: 17
Imani: 15
Chelsea: 14
Naeem: 11
Ayize: 10
Stevie: 10
Meggie: 7
Tracie and Alexander: 14 1/2 months.

Whew!!

And family updates!

Heidi is premed at Stanford. Jordan is currently studying music at Julliard. Micah is attended UofO, his major is pre veterinary medicine. Ryan is attending MIT. Tristan is a freshman at Stanford, he hasn't declared a major yet, but is leaning toward marine biology. Both Imani and Chelsea are doing senior level work in their homeschool curriculum. Naeem and Ayize are doing 7th grade. Stevie is doing 9th grade level work (yeah, his IQ measures 122 currently, he's rather smart. ). Meggie is doing 3rd grade. Me...I continue to pursue my Masters in both Divinity and Education, but because I'm only doing half time, it's going to take awhile. Myles works in Bend as a Systems Analyst. And Dad chases Tracie and Alexander around the house. Things are going pretty well for everyone...we are scattered about now, but are always together in heart and spirit.

[Harley Guy]

Hi everyone!

Long time no see. I still struggle to get through the days at times. Whoever said that time heals all wounds must not have lost the love of his life. It is better, but sometimes I miss her so bad that I feel physically sick. I hear her voice in those times and she tells me she is still with me. I look at the kids and realize that she lives through them. My granddaughter has her eyes, and my grandson has her smile. They make the ache go away.

Anyway, hope you are all well and happy.

Take care,
Russ

[FireSon]

Russ and I have decided to change the baby's name from Stephen Clarke to Stephen Isaiah. I think they would both smile at that.

Life goes on...

I was not quite 6 years old when my mother moved on from here to become the spirit she is now, but I remember everything about her. I can still smell her hair, I smelled it every time she hugged me, or when I would lay on her pillow. I still see her smile and her eyes. I hear her voice, both soft and strong. I can still hear her singing throughout the house. My mother is not dead. She flies in and out of house. She moves around the world. She still talks to me and she sends me images. I read her and Uncle Stephen's journals and I now have them memorized. When Uncle Isaiah passed on, she was pregnant with me. My name is both mine and a monument to his and my Uncle's memory. As is my niece's name to my mother's. I remember Alex and can still hear his guitar playing. My nephew is named after him and he loves to dance to the sound of a guitar.

My mother said, "life goes on." Even though many have said that before her, the way she said it is a affirmation of how life goes on both here and in the world of the Spirit. She walks there now, and her beauty is radiant. If you see a subtle intensity in the light around you or a dove flying high over your head, or if you feel a soft breath of air rustle your hair or a bush outside your window, or if you hear the faintest whisper of your name being called or a faint song...it is my mother coming to visit you.

I'm happy to be here finally. I was destined to join, as was my mother. There are Hands guiding me and there are footsteps I must follow. The work that is ahead for me is a continuation of hers. She was not finished, but she was no longer able and so it now falls to me, as her son, to see it done.

God bless

[dlbpharmd]

Welcome FireSon! And Russ, it's good to see you back.

I think of Furlsy almost every time I come to the Watch, especially when doing work in the DTL forum. She will always be missed in this community.

[FireSon]

She isn't really gone, that's the beauty of it, she can be read over and over again. How she speaks here is how she spoke in voice.

She still speaks.

My dad misses her physical presence, but he knows she comes to us daily. It isn't everything we want, and that makes it not enough, but what we do have of her is considered sacred and we thank God everyday for what we do receive of her.

[Fire Daughter]

Russ and I have decided to change the baby's name from Stephen Clarke to Stephen Isaiah. I think they would both smile at that.

Life goes on...

I was not quite 6 years old when my mother moved on from here to become the spirit she is now, but I remember everything about her. I can still smell her hair, I smelled it every time she hugged me, or when I would lay on her pillow. I still see her smile and her eyes. I hear her voice, both soft and strong. I can still hear her singing throughout the house. My mother is not dead. She flies in and out of house. She moves around the world. She still talks to me and she sends me images. I read her and Uncle Stephen's journals and I now have them memorized. When Uncle Isaiah passed on, she was pregnant with me. My name is both mine and a monument to his and my Uncle's memory. As is my niece's name to my mother's. I remember Alex and can still hear his guitar playing. My nephew is named after him and he loves to dance to the sound of a guitar.

My mother said, "life goes on." Even though many have said that before her, the way she said it is a affirmation of how life goes on both here and in the world of the Spirit. She walks there now, and her beauty is radiant. If you see a subtle intensity in the light around you or a dove flying high over your head, or if you feel a soft breath of air rustle your hair or a bush outside your window, or if you hear the faintest whisper of your name being called or a faint song...it is my mother coming to visit you.

I'm happy to be here finally. I was destined to join, as was my mother. There are Hands guiding me and there are footsteps I must follow. The work that is ahead for me is a continuation of hers. She was not finished, but she was no longer able and so it now falls to me, as her son, to see it done.

God bless

He's quite amazing, isn't he?

[SoulBiter]

Wow.... So glad to see you all back here... I come here often and just read pages and pages of postings and letters.

As your mom would say "Sweet Mercy".

[Fire Daughter]

Hi Everyone,

It's been a long time since I posted anything from Mom's journal. My beautiful daughter, who is into grabbing everything she sees and bringing it to me, handing me one of her grandmother's journals. How she came to have it is beyond me. We keep them on a shelf in the library room, a high shelf, but somehow, she managed to get it. I suspect her brother aided her.

The journal she handed me was from 1983, and when she put it on my lap, it opened to page one, "Saturday, Janurary 1, 1983..."

Here is what was written on that page.

We are unbreakable.

[Furls Fire]

Saturday, January 1, 1983 3:46 am

Morning. Glorious morning! A new year begins and I am so in love! At midnight, Russell Hammon got down on his knee and held a ring up to me and said, “Be mine in all ways.” Now, me being me, just stared at him. Stared at him and began to bawl. We always knew we would marry some day. Always knew. But, to have him actually ask, actually speak aloud his desire to make me his wife, was more than my heart could contain.

I said, “we were going to wait until after we graduated college.” That’s right; I didn’t say “yes” I said that [in the hand-written journal entry, she drew an arrow pointing back to that quote] instead. He laughed and said simply, oh so simply, “I can’t wait.”

I knelt down in front of him and shook as he put the beautiful ring on my finger. “It’s white gold.” He said.

I laughed as I flung my arms around his strong neck. “We will be unbreakable.” He whispered in my ear.

“Unbreakable.”

Sleep doesn’t come to me. I look at my ring finger and the ring encircling it with its shining gem reflecting the moonlight streaming in through my window. When did I become a woman? I have always been a girl, a child, but look at me…I am a woman. No, an engagement ring doesn’t make me a woman; it’s the feelings, the pulse of my heart, the deep, mature, immersion into love. It’s the way I look at him and he at me. The way he touches me, the way he kisses me, the way he enfolds me completely. It’s a soul thing. A soul enveloped completely into another. An intertwining of energy, emotion, aura…we will become a magnificent color, a light force so blinding that the blind will have to squint when looking at us. Russ is the true love of my life, will be for all of my life. Even if one of us goes Home before the other, the love will remain strong and beautiful and of the soul.

We are unbreakable.

Russell, I adore you. I will hold you and keep you and never love another as utterly as I love you.

[aliantha]

Beautiful.