Corrupt a wish

[A Gunslinger]

*fouf* you do. But you quickly find that living on a deserted island with your watchmates has its disadvatages as endless discussion and a magically fully stocked fridge, pantry, and bar makes us all mordibly obese, and we slowly die one by one.

I wish I could see that one episode of News Radio where both the Phil Harman character and the dude from Kids in the Hall give up cigarettes and coffee respectively. T'was a hoot.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Pouf* Unfortunately this is now the only thing on your television, no matter the time, no matter which channel.

I wish Jay would unlock the "Guess the next poster" thread....

[iQuestor]

"Boink!* your wish is granted. Everyone from the 'Tank stops posting their political jerks and twinges there and instead focuses in on guessing the next poster.

Meanwhile, Bush, Cheney, Clinton, Obama, Richardson and most other political figures here in the US and abroad no longer have a handle on world politics since no one is updating the Tank which they read for advice and policy daily. The world devolves into chaos and Avatar becomes it's anti-leader, making sure no other governments form. The internet crashes leaving the rest of us bored.


I wish I was a moderator.

[Cheval]

ZAP!
You become moderator.
However, Jay locks all the threads in your forums and
vetos the attempts to un-lock them.

I wish I could visit the Land Down Under and San Francisco to have a toast
(or two, or three, or four...) with Watch members.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Pouf* Your wish is granted and you fly New Zealand and Australia, party with the watchers there, then fly to San Francisco on the weekend of the FBH wrap party and get to meet SRD, but you are so nervous that you drink too much and you throw up all over him and he leaves early. Now all the other watchers etc are all mad at you.

I wish I would procrastinate less and finally get around to mailing Sarge's postcard.

[Elfgirl]

POUF!

No longer caught in the grip of procrastination, you take yourself off to the post office and buy a stamp. Unfortunately, Sarge & his family are now living in another state & your postcard gets buried in soft peat for a thousand years.

I wish I had a valentine...

[Cheval]

Your wish is my command.
I take it upon myself to be your valentine.
But, I have no money to fly there and therefore cannot be with you and have no time to even send a card.

I wish I had enough cash to fly to Australia.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Pouf* You have enough cash to fly to Australia but you don't have enough cash to fly home or to rent a hotel or buy food making it a very lousy trip.

I wish that tomorrow, everyone in the world will feel happy.

[Elfgirl]

PPOOOOOFFFF! (that was a long one!)


Everyone WILL be happy tomorrow! Der Fuhrer declares it so. If you do not comply, you will be ass-laminated...Sieg heil.

I wish we could just skip from the 13th straight to the 15 Feb...

[balon!]

Powf. (was that right?)

The fourtenth is skipped, but for the rest of your life! Everyone who has an inportant date on that day (birthdays, aniversaries, etc..) all commit ritualistc suicide on your lawn for causing such distress.


I wish that I could figure out how to play craps.

[A Gunslinger]

*fouf*
Your wish is granted...but the truth is you suck terribly. You lose what small funds you have, get depressed and join a wandering nomadic tribe, selling wind chimes door to door.

I wish I could get more than 6.5 hours of sleep per night for an entire week...just once!

[wayfriend]

*pough*

You are in a coma. (Too easy, let's jazz it up.) House thinks it's not a coma, but a rare brain disorder. He defies orders and injects you with 10 cc of Draino. It works, you regain consciousness, but you can only repeat the same numbers over and over. Someone plays them in the lottery, and wins 10 million dollars. To celibrate, he takes you on a trip to Australia, but the plane crashes on a deserted island. Jack Bauer lands on the island, and he's convinced you are a terrorist. There's a big shoot-out, you take one in the head. You wake up in a fantasy land where everyone wants you to save their world. Your long underappreciated powers of being an obstinate ahole finally have their use. As the people of this world sing your praise for saving them, you re-awaken in the real world, but thirty-five hundred years have passed. Stumbling around in the transporter room, you beam yourself onto an asteroid, where for some reason is also Abraham Lincoln and some Asian guy. You have a big battle, but Abe's axe-swingin' arms are the death of you.

I wish I had hair like when I was younger.

[A Gunslinger]

*fouf*

You gain the hair of a 6 year old. Unfortunately you also get the genitals of a 6 year old as well.


I wish I new how to quit you.

[iQuestor]

Kosham! Your wish is granted. You quit me. However, with everyone in the world being 'me' to your 'you', the entire world is quite offended. No one will talk to you or return your calls. You die alone, in the rain.

I wish that I had a quarter.

[Elfgirl]

Pouuuufeee...

You have a quarter. And that's all you have to your name.

I wish I could eat whatever I want without getting fat.

[wayfriend]

*pouffet*

Just one word: Thinner.

I wish my internet connection was faster.

[High Lord Tolkien]

I wish my internet connection was faster.

You now have the fastest internet connection on the planet.
Unfortunately your PC now locks up and crashes every 5 minutes from being overloaded with spam and spyware.


I wish I could have what I want.

[A Gunslinger]

*fouf!*

Your bisexual elf arrives straight from Santa's workshop wearing the tell-tale red and white jumpsuit.

Unfortunately he is pissed as all get up that you have interrupted his only vacation of the year, and you spend the next week trying to avoid a knife-fight with a person named "Zippy".

I wish the Packers would win the Superbowl before Brett Favre retres.

[iQuestor]

kibbledybibbledeedPuuuumo!

Your wish is granted. Every year, the Packers are unable to win, so Brett cannot retire. Finally, in 2038, the entire team takes to the field, with Brent in a wind powered iron lung. Everyone feels sorry for brett and they let him win. He dies just before he gets his ring.

I wish I could kill small rodents with a focused thought.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Alakashanana!

You get your wish and you realize you can kill rodents with a focused thought and due to the mouse infestation at your house you kill a bunch of them, unfortunately this occurs prior to your realization that when you kill them they become stuck to the floor and completely unremovable leaving you with a couple dozen dead rodents on the floors of your house. Pretty soon the stench is unbearable and unfortunately nobody wants to buy your house because it is full of unremovable dead rodents.

I wish I had a new camera.