Kevin's Watch

Linna Heartlistener wrote:arg, you beat me, sarge!

add to the pot...

-nod-

winkyn and blinkyn as well?

This model could be adapted to accommodate the needs of various other Dark Lords in their parallel universes. Skeletor, for instance, could buy a special line for evil laughter written in piquant, blood-red capslock.

Here's the entire text, should the downsizing render it too small:

To: Groveler

Greetings, o mangy maggot writhing in the waste of a scurvy cur! You have been chosen to become my sniveling lackey, a poxy pawn in the grand scheme of godly forces beyond your pathetically piddling comprehension! Soon, a motorized vehicle or your choice shall drive over your earthly ashes, and you shall be transported into my shadowy realm beyond the ken of mortal men. Therein you shall become the herald of my glorious new ascension--akin to a dark, scorching sun of blacker than black brutality rising to char the doomed earth sprawling supine beneath its murky majesty--and allotted a task that you shall deliver or be filled with the venom of a thousand vipers.

Yet pray to me and roll in my attar-smell, groveler, and you shall be granted glory unimaginable!

BE UNWELCOME AND FALSE!

Lord Foul the Despiser

Two excellent entries so far!

Thanks! And congrats for winning the last round!

Had some time earlier to read through the previous contest's entries. Very funny stuff ; had a voting been arranged, probably would've had difficulties deciding between Gamgee's Rhapsody and Ananda's !YEOLDEDOCTYPE html.

Linna Heartlistener wrote:Through the years, I really have benefitted from that performance boost that pretty much only dysfunctional people trying vainly to please their dads can get.

"Be unwelcome and false"?
I don't know... sounds like pretty rotten hospitality to me.

Zorm wrote:Skeletor, for instance, could buy a special line for evil laughter written in piquant, blood-red capslock.

Btw, is there anyone who doesn't know what it means to "play chicken" with cars? That may be a specifically American expression.

Linna Heartlistener wrote:"Be unwelcome and false"?
I don't know... sounds like pretty rotten hospitality to me.

Btw, is there anyone who doesn't know what it means to "play chicken" with cars? That may be a specifically American expression.

Since when has Foul been hospitable...?

Erm, I don't know what that phrase means.

It means when two people are in cars, (not on a busy street - like a situation where they are the only two things around) and they drive rapidly AT one another, and the person who chooses to turn away first (so as not to collide) "loses;" because that person is apparently "chicken" (cowardly).

Exactly the sort of dangerous behavior that everyone's parents will be reassured to find out they engage in!

And I only just learned what "ghost riding" was this past year or so...

Who will help save the card factory?? Hurry before it is too late!

Front: (picture of an old man in a party hat)

Today, nobody will call all the waiters over to your table, sing off key, or try to light your desert on fire!

(Inside)
Thank God that Exlax cake you served last year worked!

(Have a very quiet passing of another year.)




edited to correct spelling and grammar

what is an exlax cake?

Exlax is a chocolate flavored laxitive....

That sounds delicious! Do you have the recipe?

Add one complete package of exlax to any brownie recipe or cake mix you have.

Note: one complete package of exlax is approximately 24 doses of laxative and results in the unsuspecting partakers having diarrhea for a day or two. Sorry, it is a classic 1950's Americana joke which I don't think translates...

Your business is going under for sure.

Doc

Ew, ew, ew, wouldn't want to eat that kind of cake.

Hey, it's 17th; are we going to vote?

Frostheart wrote:Ew, ew, ew, wouldn't want to eat that kind of cake.

Hey, it's 17th; are we going to vote?

Vote?? this is not a voting game! The previous winner usually picks the new winner! So it is and so it shall be done!

THE WINNER IS ZOR...ISHJÄRTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU SAVED THE CARD FACTORY!!!

It is her first win in the Bad Writing Competition so everyone praise her tremendously!

I loved them all and am sorry if it was not as accessible as I thought it would be. I loved the father card. The cake one was funny after I found out what it meant. But, Zo...Ishjärta had a genuine card for all occasions. I could easily send that to my mormor or a colleague. Your winnings will be sent!

Congratulations to the Winner!!!

Looking forward to the next round.

Doc

Thanks, Tack, kiitos, danke, aitäh; Ishjärta Blodbränning / Kuurasydän Hurmepalo har redan en idé. Men jag ska presentera den för er på engelska!

Next assignment:

Readers are complaining that The One Tree lacks action! Whoever wants to follow Linden sulking in her cabin or some big lout explaining that 'all power is an articulation of its wielder' or somesuch nonsense. Hence, rewrite a scene of your choice and add action, colossal feelings, hawtness, or anything that keeps the audience at the edge of their seats or makes their hearts perform backflips! Use humans, giants, ur-viles, elohim, whomever you like; any that seem merely loitering and blathering about too much.

If you end up writing something R-rated, putting a warning for those of more delicate dispositions is encouraged (I don't mind but some may).

Deadline: 8th of July. Announcing the wgd amounts later. I'd very much appreciate some donations for a possible 2nd prize.

The thing about the prizes for this game is you dont keep it. First prize of wgd is probably enough. The winner ends up passing them on to the next winner sort of like passing the crown.

I have an idea of the topic about a hawt young urvile who comes to fix the cable while Linden is just getting out of the shower.