Mazzy Star - Look Down From the Bridge
when i was sixteen i sprained my ankle for the third time that year walking down the stairs at my highschool. having no othe rmeans of transport i walked to the grocery store i worked at. this took about on ehalf hour or so.
i was shagging carts that night and my ankle started to swell and by the end of my shift i was barely able to walk. a kind coworker drove me home, a good twenty minute drive. she dropped me at the house.
the next morning my mom called me for breakfast, i almost had to crawl down the stairs my ankle hurt so bad. so my dad took me to the er and they diagnosed a sprain. bandaging me up and sending me home with him.
the next morning i was called down for breakfast - again having much trouble walking. i lay on the couch and my mom saw i was sweating profusely and barely awake. she took my temp, discovering i was running a temp.
mom drove me to the orthopedic doctor right next to the hospital. they sent me immediately to the hospital. my ankle was infected. i was running a fever.
i remember waking up in the er to hear them ask if she knew i was allergic to penicillin. they prepped me for surgery. i half remember them giving me a spinal tap. i remember waking up in recover asking when i was being operated on. the surgery was complete.
i was moved to isolation and discovered what they had done. a cut and bleed. they had slice open my left ankle at the front, right on the joint and stapled the skin back to allow for the infection to bleed out. i was moved to a room after a couple of days. after experiencing hallucinations due to the fever and drugs i was given for the pain.
after a month i was sent home. iv port still intact. i had learned to attatch the bag myself. had a hospital bed at home and a visiting nurse. still the infection came back. i was rehospitalized. they did an arthoscopy, flushing out what they could. but this time i got a spinal headache. worst thing ever. couldn't walk, think, move.
spent more time inm the hospital - bring my stay to over a couple months. ended back home on forearm crutches for a few months til i could walk again.
well turns out the infection ate part of the bone in my ankle. so after all these years i have plenty of scar tissue and bone on bone. the doctor i will be seeing at some point this month looked at the ankle some five years ago and described as among the worst he has seen. and reccomended that i have it fused. i asked him how long i had before this was necessary - he said it was whenever i could no longer put up with the pain. hell i passed that point years ago. i have degenerative arthritis all through the ankle. i take Pentazocine for the pain almost daily.
the reason i am considering doing this now is that it puts a lot of strain on my other leg - to the point that it hurts all the time now. i have days where i can barely move the good leg. i do anyway. a lot of the times it will loosen up after awhile. but for the past four days it has burned and itched most of the day.
time is the main concern - i have vacation, sick and holiday time built up. but two months is really pushing it for me. plus i will be useless at home for that time. i will catch up on my reading and writing though.
but if i can work out the time - i want to do it. my ankle has hurt to some degreee (mild to severe) everyday since i was sixteen. twenty seven years. damn that is a long time. infection is still a concern. i will update after i see the doctor.
thanks for listening.
Fingers crossed that this is the last of it for her, and for you.
