Kevin's Watch

It's not communication. I told her everything. It's more complicated. My depression triggers her PTSD. She wants me to love her, but I can't reciprocate. But I can write something like this about another woman:

viewtopic.php?t=27318

And it's killing her. She tries to be everything, and it's not enough. I told her, it could be years. Her mind understands, but her PTSD can only see the other woman.

Yes, you two are communicating, but not about what you can mutually control. I know it is a huge and risky leap to each let go of your pain and fear, not put expectations on each other, be honest, open, and defenseless, build mutual trust, and focus on what concrete actions and behaviors you want to see from each other.

Savor Dam wrote: ↑ You need to be as agape with each other as you can mutually manage. If you are far apart on feelings, focus not on what each feels, but on what each can do and be for each other. What does she need from you and you from her?

I don't want to put words in your new lady's mouth, but Menolly makes a good point upthread when she talks about the desire to be, if not the only one who matters, at least being primary. You may need to trust yourself enough to say less about your ill-fated passion for the married lady. Don't promise your new partner actions or emotions to which you can't commit, but draw her out about what she envisions you two could share, not in terms of emotions but what the behaviors toward each other might be. Model the same descriptions back to her. Keep it real, rather than aspirational. See each other clearly and negotiate to find out what you each need, and can be, for each other. Over time, your bond will evolve; keep that communication going so you both keep it fresh and relevant to where your bond is and where it may be heading

You've been on the Watch long enough to remember Furls. "Love Prevails."
Good luck!

All that you touch
And all that you see
All that you taste
All you feel
And all that you love
And all that you hate
All you distrust
All you save
And all that you give
And all that you deal
And all that you buy
Beg, borrow or steal
And all you create
And all you destroy
And all that you do
And all that you say
And all that you eat
And everyone you meet (everyone you meet)
And all that you slight
And everyone you fight
And all that is now
And all that is gone
And all that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But…

For those in the North American continent, here’s an idea. If you’re not planning on holding on to your eclipse glasses until the next total solar eclipse over North America in 20 years, here’s an option other than filling landfills with them.

https://astronomerswithoutborders.org/p ... stribution

Rabbit
Rabbit!
Rabbit!!

Your rabbits hate me. I'm sure of it.
We broke up. Now, I'm severely depressed about 2 women. Honestly, I don't know how you neurotypicals handle it.

+JMJ+

Khaliban wrote: ↑ Honestly, I don't know how you neurotypicals handle it.

Sorry to hear man. Also, don't be under the misapprehension that relationships are magically easier for neurotypical people...they have their own challenges even if they may not be the same necessarily.

--A

I meant, how do you survive it? I never thought you had it easy.

Some do, some don't. Human condition doncha know.

--A

Feeling a bit physically sore today, having gone from this yesterday:



To this:

Wooooohooooooo my last day of work!!! I just sent my last email and am setting my last out of office message.

This is my last email

Hi all,
Today is my last day with EssilorLuxottica and I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your interactions, friendship, fun, and laughter, over the last 24 years. As my wife and I move into our retirement and the adventures to come, we will take with us the things we learned, the friendship of many, and the sure knowledge that we made a difference.

I leave you all with a quote from one of my favorite books. This quote is an encouragement to be willing to take on new challenges and not be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. I hope you all remember to put aside fear and be ready to take on new challenges each day.

“It's a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.” J.R.R. Tolkien

Congratulations, SB!

SoulBiter wrote: ↑ Wooooohooooooo my last day of work!!! I just sent my last email and am setting my last out of office message.

LOL, congrats SB. Now you can really buckle down on those Malazan books.

--A

Congrats SB! I know it’s been a long buildup to this so it must feel good!

Rabbit
Rabbit!
Rabbit!!

SoulBiter wrote: ↑ Wooooohooooooo my last day of work!!!

Mazal Tov!
Enjoy!

Thanks all! Yep.. gonna dive into reading more this coming week... cant wait to see how the 3rd book of the Malazan compares to the 2nd book.

A year and a half
I thought you would be gone by now
Buried away in the back of my mind
An anomaly
A happenstance
I thought this emotion faded over time
I thought I would lose you
I was ready for it
I was afraid of it
But I knew it would come
I was getting better
Those first six months
I could see the progress
Now I can't
You should be gone
But I hurt
Every day
The songs I can't listen to
The shows and movies I can't watch
The life I can't have
The happiness I can't feel
Every day
Every fucking day
I hurt
I see your picture on social media
Nothing
You're working on a Saturday
Moving boxes
Or something
And I am triggered
I saw the name of your city
On the frame around a license plate
And I felt like pulling off of the road
Forty years
Forty goddam years
To do this to myself
Is a very deep cut.

Sounds like a tough gig Khal. Beautifully expressed, but sorry for the circumstance.

I know, I know.
I’m a day late.