Kevin's Watch

^ Rented Tom Hanks' "Big" thinking it was male porn
< Wonders if he went to far with that remark
v Is going to save me from Jenn's wrath

^ Duped into believing I'd save from Jenn's wrath
< Has a little dog to watch the house
v Eats Fried Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches

^ Is in love with Elvis, but hates his music. Just especially likes the look, particularly in the bloated days.

< Don't look at me...I'm irrelivant

V As hard as this person tries, he/she just can't follow the plot of any Adam Sandler movie.

^ Doesn't believe the watchers exist outside of the internet
< Had no idea that Adam Sandler movies actually even had a plot!
v Likes to fart in the bathtub

^ Is a pretty butterfly that can BE SQUASHED!

< doesn't own a jacuzzi, but makes up for it.

V Nickname in college: Hoover. For a variety of reasons. Including the vaccuum and J. Edgar.

^ Salutes too often
< Was my father's nickname, not mine
v Can't grasp basic math

^Too judgmental about those who can't grasp basic math
<can't grasp basic math
Vmight win lottery if only would buy a ticket

^ Can pat head and rub belly while simultaneously jumping up and down
< Just ate a really delicious bagel with cream cheese
v forgot to zip their fly

^ is a Mallorys spammer
<is starvin' marvin right now & would love a bagel to chomp on
V drowns themself in cheap cologne ito mask body odor problem

^ No bagel for you. One year.
< Secretes his own cologne, along with hair gel.
V Day-dreams about Haruchai frolicking and prancing happily in pretty costumes in the mountains while singing Disney-esque work songs.

^ Is jealous of my love for the Haruchai
< Wonders why he checked this thread again
v Thinks Elvis Costello is hot

^Is absolutely right, I do think Elvis Costello is hot! (have you been reading my secret diaries, Dlb? )
<Can't stay out of mallory's
v Has an extreme amount of body hair

^ Needs to get a Mallory's Patch

< I lost my razor

v Dreams about Pee Wee Herman

^ Has especially long nose hairs at this point.

< Wishes Pee Wee Herman was his best friend...or rather, Paul Reubens.

V Has just had a nose hair perm and is very proud

^ would have had your nosehair perm ruined if you were me
< just sprayed water out her nose reading about Cag's nose hair perm pride
v has a secret crush on Flavor Flav

^ has secret crush on George Dubya
< makes no secret about having a gazillion crushes at any one time
V dreams about me crushing on them

^ Is completely deluded about me having a crush on GW
< Would rather have hot pokers shoved in her eyes, toenails yanked out and toes soaked in battery acid, torso covered in honey and fire ants while hands are gnawed off by maggots than even think about the mere horrific thought of seeing GW even partially naked.
v Can't post for gagging at above statement

^ Just took some of the fun out of this thread with scary mental imagery
< wishes he could have been the one to admit that he dreams Elfgirl had a crush on him
v searches Mallory for meaning of life

^ doesn't realise that Elfie DOES in fact crush on him
< found the answer didn't actually fit the question (42?)
V would sell their grandmother to the ravenous bugblatter beast of Traal

^ Plays Zork way too Much.
< Doesn't play enough Zork.
V Is likely to be eaten by a Grue.