Kevin's Watch

Wish granted. The moon is now made of cheese. Unfortunately, the cheese used to make the moon was taken from earth, so we are now cheeseless. Such delights as brie and edam are lost to us, not to mention cheese-dependent products - pasta sauce and pizza, for instance.

In fact, any new cheese made anywhere on earth is immediately absorbed into the moon. As no-one is eating the moon, these cheese additions cause it to grow larger and larger, eventually with predictably gravitic consequences.

I wish more films of video games were as good as Silent Hill.

*Poof* Wish granted.

The format becomes so successful that hence forth all movies are based on video games putting an end to any creative or original thought. You devote the rest of your life trying to come up with a successful game of Lord Foul's Bane.

I wish I could find a magic lamp I could rub that would have a genii pop out of it and grant me 3 wishes.

wish granted. you do have 3 wishes, but they are the genie's wishes. first you had to wish that the genie would never be trapped in a bottle again. then you had to wish that you were a genie, but with only the power to grant one final wish, the final wish of the original genie, that you be trapped forever inside the lamp, with no more power to grant wishes or leave the lamp. his fat wife and mother inlaw were staying in there with him, and remain there with you forever.


which way does the cookie crumble?

*poof* it crumbles directly into your left eye. You die of an immunity deficiency syndrome brought on by conjunctivitis.

I wish I understood women.

*poof* the hidden secrets of womanhood, drive you insane. you are commited to a mental institution where for the rest of your natural life you are consumed by the thought of shoes and who's going to do the washing up.

i wish i was 6 foot tall.

EDIT

Tazz wrote:
i wish i was 6 foot tall.

*Poof*
You are 6 foot tall.
You get all excited about it and then go out an buy new clothes.
After a week you realized that no one likes you more or less or really gives a damn how tall you are.
Then you realize that you squandered a wish on nothing and kill yourself.



I wish I could shield my children from all harm.

Wish granted. Your children are shielded from all harm by becoming the source of all harm. Have fun.

I wish I hadn't just heard an old lady on the TV say "Prey on them; prey.....sexually" in an attempted husky voice. *shudder*

Wayfriend wrote:*poof* it crumbles directly into your left eye. You die of an immunity deficiency syndrome brought on by conjunctivitis.

CovenantJr wrote: I wish I hadn't just heard an old lady on the TV say "Prey on them; prey.....sexually" in an attempted husky voice. *shudder*

POOF! Wish granted - you didn't hear it...because she put cotton wool in your ears, tied you to the bedposts and DID it to you!



I wish I could attach twin machine guns to the front of my car so I can get through rush hour traffic with relative ease.

*poof* Your car is equipped with automatic pair of AK-47s mounted under the hood. One day of bad road rage later, as the TV news shows the arial view of the carnage along the interstate, through town, in the Dunkin Donuts drivethrough, etc., the police have you surrounded in a DSW parking lot, and you forgot to bring your spare clip. [The rest of the story writes itself, no?]

I wish that I had learned to play the piano when I was a kid.

*Poof*

You were a child prodigy. Played Carnegie Hall at 8 years old. Toured the world. Had standing ovation upon standing ovation. But by the time you turned 20 you were very jaded, became hooked on alcohol and cocaine and are lucky now to get to play in a piano bar in seedy Vegas neighborhood.

I wish there were no snakes.

I wish there were no snakes.

Wish granted. All snakes in the world immediately pop out of existence. In the wake of this incident, the world is quickly overrun by mice and all other animals no longer held in check by snakes. Also, the entire world's legal systems grind to a shuddering halt, as we are suddenly bereft of nearly all lawyers.

I wish the weekend were three days long instead of two.

DW

DukkhaWaynhim wrote:Also, the entire world's legal systems grind to a shuddering halt, as we are suddenly bereft of nearly all lawyers.

A simple gag, but a good one.

*poof* the hidden secrets of womanhood, drive you insane. you are commited to a mental institution where for the rest of your natural life you are consumed by the thought of shoes and who's going to do the washing up.

DukkhaWaynhim wrote: I wish the weekend were three days long instead of two.
DW

*POOF*
Now the weekends are 3 days long, but you will still complain on how the weekend was too short to do all those things that you wanted to do on the weekends.

I wish that I can travel through space at light-speed.

I wish that I can travel through space at light-speed.

Wish granted. You are now traveling through space at light-speed, but all of space-time comes along with you for the ride, so you never notice the change, except that it feels like your wish never got granted.

I wish that the next person to post in this thread gives me $100.


DW

Very well, I will give you $100, but not until after your death.

I wish I had another Danish.

And you shall have another Danish...
and a German and a Russian.
Unfortunately, none of them can get along and start to fight you
for bringing them all together.

I wish my grandson can do what he is told to do.

Congratulations! Your grandson is now able to do only what he is told to do. If you don't tell him to sleep, pee, and so forth, he can't do it. Tut tut, what reckless wishing.

I wish I would eat sausages more often (anyone notice a running theme in my wishes?)

CovenantJr wrote:
I wish I would eat sausages more often (anyone notice a running theme in my wishes?)

*poof*

You do eat sausages more often.
So often in fact that you eat them whole and give your body no time to digest the first one before the next.
Within a week your intestines are fully clogged, you swell up and the neighborhood children beat you like a pinata until you die.



(do most of mine end with death?)


I wish I knew how to ice skate.