Kevin's Watch

Lucimay wrote (& please don't hit me!)

i gotta tell you guys...this is what monthly hormone rushes (high estrogen levels) do to my brain. this has been happening to me once a month since i was 12.

i cannot control my thought processes and they go VERY weird...uncontrolable weeping too...at things as mundane as a dead fly in the window sill. uh-huh. not kidding.

don't make fun now. it's AWFUL.

Lucimay, was your avatar picture taken at this time of the month?

Just curious Av...

I haven't checked out the "Legalize Marijuana" thread lately so I may be mistating your position but please correct me if I'm wrong: You seem to argue that the right to take drugs is a decision best left to the individual. If this is the case why argue against someone taking a legal drug to make themselves feel better?

Stonemaybe wrote:Lucimay wrote (& please don't hit me!)

i gotta tell you guys...this is what monthly hormone rushes (high estrogen levels) do to my brain. this has been happening to me once a month since i was 12.

i cannot control my thought processes and they go VERY weird...uncontrolable weeping too...at things as mundane as a dead fly in the window sill. uh-huh. not kidding.

don't make fun now. it's AWFUL.

Lucimay, was your avatar picture taken at this time of the month?

*snort* very possibly.

Brinn wrote: If this is the case why argue against someone taking a legal drug to make themselves feel better?

Because Mary-Jo is natural man! It's not prescribed by doctors to keep the masses dosile! Stay lose Man! (Sorry Av. Couldn't help it )

I am not opposed to people taking medications for mental illness or clinical/chronic depression. What I AM opposed too is GP's prescribing this stuff without referring people to a qualified psychiatrist.

"I feel really down today, Dr."

"Okay, well I'll give you a little pill to help you feel better..."

THAT just irks me.

It is medical fact that such conditions as Bi-Polar, Clinical Manic/Depression, Schzophrenia..etc are all caused by chemical imbalances of the brain. Medications help people live "normal" lives...and I for one feel that is a good thing.

Brinn wrote:Just curious Av...

I haven't checked out the "Legalize Marijuana" thread lately so I may be mistating your position but please correct me if I'm wrong: You seem to argue that the right to take drugs is a decision best left to the individual. If this is the case why argue against someone taking a legal drug to make themselves feel better?

Oh, an excellent point Brinn. I think you may have me there if fact. I'm certainly not opposed to the right of anybody to do what they please to their own bodies and minds.

Again though, it's much more a case of what Furls is talking about...over-prescription and under-diagnosis, rather than the right of people to take it. Of course people should be allowed to take it, I just think that it should be taken the same way all drugs should, in full knowledge of the potential consequences.

That said, you really have made me reconsider my position on this. Maybe I just don't trust legal drugs... *bows*

--A

I first contemplated suicide at the age of 13, and was depressed pretty much right through high school. It dropped off a little when I was 16 and became a christian, but unfortunately the type of christianity I got involved in revolved around guilt and manipulation. As such, I was just as depressed for much of the next four years as I was previously. I never got any professional help, and never took any medication, although I suspect I should have.

Every now and then it wells up, usually when I am overwhelmed by a lot of things happening at once, but most of the time I fight it off. I wouldn't say I'm better, more that I know what the symptoms look like and have developed the ability to grit my teeth through them.

Doesn't the fact that it's transient, that you can recognise it, and that you can get through it without lasting damage suggest that you didn't need to be medicated for it?

--A

Avatar, not exaclty. I recognized my problems for 20 years! I even learned to control them to a degree with meditation, acupunture and massage. I also recognised that I would occasionally become immobilized by my phobias which led to self loathing... why couldn't I just "snap out of it" or "knock it off," as my mother screamed at me over and over as a kid. I recognised all of this and tried very hard to work through it. I managed to control the nausea up to a point, but the panic attacks especially when one of the kids threw up I could not control. After years of trying alternatives, I broke down and tried the medication. Six days later Alex threw up and I was ok for the FIRST time! Alex said, "Mama, you're acting weird." I asked in what way. She said, "Usually you act all shivery, but this time you are... uh... calm." I asked which way she perfered it... for me to be shivery or calm. She said she liked the calm best. I told her the pill the doctor gave me was a chill pill. Again, I only took it for 3 years and have been off of it for almost a year now and no more panic attacks. Apparently whatever brain chemicals that triggered the attacks has been fixed so I do not get bombarded by fight or flight anymore. Sometimes the mose emotionally devestating thing is recognising you have a problem that you simply cannot control. I beat myself up for years for not being able to control it. Now the problem is gone. I honestly think the medicine saved my life and helped keep me from screwing up my kids. I only did it for them. I would call someone even at 3am in hysterics begging someone to come take care of a throwing up kid. I would end up refusing to eat for fear I might throw up too... for days! I wouldn't sleep either. How can this be healthy for the kids? Alex felt guilty for being sick because I would get unhinged. Then I would berate myself for being a terrible mother. I am just sooooo glad that is in the past now.

I may not have needed medicated Av, but I'd say I did and maybe still do require some sort of professional help - therapy or drugs or a combination of the two.

I probably wouldn't be alive today if I didn't have three things: an ability to write, music, and my family. And even then, writing and music have failed my will all too often. The only thing that kept me from going into my bedroom and loading the gun was the thought of what my grandparents would think.

But those days are gone--or I'd like to think so. They were during highschool, when I was very overweight and making terrible grades. I put a gun to my head once (unloaded), just to see what it would look like in the mirror. When I was sixteen (or maybe seventeen), I hid a single bullet in a cabinet by the computer. It's still there. I use it to remind me of what I was and what I could still be.

Still depressed--just not as much as I used to be. Sometimes I feel very lonely and that people are unsettled by me when they meet me in person. I get this sinking feeling that I'm never going to have anyone, and it grows with each year. I feel that, were I to commit with someone, they would have to make an extra effort to connect with me--more so than with a normal person. So why even give someone the burden of myself? I'm going to be twenty-two this February, and I've never had a relationship or even a kiss. Oh well, I have to make the effort, right? I'm sure it's easier than my mind imagines it, but again--feels more and more impossible as time wears.

But yeah, I've improved since highschool. Writing some of my best stuff, and my taste in music is always taking me new places. It's about all that keeps me going, and I just hope--really hope--I always stay enthusiastic about them.

You see SoulQuest, that's exactly what I'm talking about. You needed the medication to give you that break from it, to collect yourself and get used to whatever passes for normal. And then you stopped it, and have been fine without it since. That's exactly what it's meant for...as a therapeutic tool.

See, (just to diverge briefly), going back to what Brinn asked me a few posts back, which I've thoght about a bit, the real difference for me is whether people are choosing themselves to take it to feel better, or doctors are telling them that they should be taking it...or something. Better living through chemicals is all very well, but there are, or should be, limits of some sort, shouldn't there? *shrug* Ah hell, maybe not.

Ah Vs, I dunno. The problem with these types of things is that I know that reality is what's in your head. If you believe you do, then to you, maybe you do.

Maybe it's my natural distrust of "professional" help. *shrug* Can't say I've ever personally found it very helpful. I suppose it depends on your shrink to an extent, but I certainly don't think they're any better qualified at treating somebody than that person themself is. I dunno.

Foul, yeah, I think highschool is always the worst for people. Hey, I been there, loaded gun in the mouth, pouring out bitterness/loneliness/difference onto the pages...like I said before, everything was more serious then.

As for the rest, there are people willing to make the extra effort...gods know I found one. Of course, (and this may be a good thing), they may be, (perhaps often are?) people who need an extra effort themselves, but it's usually worth it on both sides.

Things tend to happen at their own pace, and like any creative idea, forcing things tends to kill them. *shrug*

--A

Avatar wrote:Maybe it's my natural distrust of "professional" help. *shrug* Can't say I've ever personally found it very helpful. I suppose it depends on your shrink to an extent, but I certainly don't think they're any better qualified at treating somebody than that person themself is. I dunno.

Care to back that claim up? The very fact that people suffer from depression or commit crime is ample evidence people generally aren't too good at looking after themselves. Sometimes - in fact most time - we need an impartial person to help.

I'm a little concerned Av - you don't think a child that is planning their suicide from the age of 13 might need professional help?

What if I just said that a young man who planned out his own death and cried himself to sleep many nights needed help? Could you agree with that? And if he does need help, as I believe I did, wouldn't it be better to get it from someone who is trained to help young people overcome depression, who has been certified by an official body that has an approved Code of Conduct? Someone who has had the training to know how best to help someone who can't or doesn't know how to do it all by themselves.

Hello LoreMaster. Been wondering where you were.

No, I can't back it up. Purely personal opinion based on personal experience. And maybe you're right, people are often not good at looking after themselves. All I said was that I never found them particularly helpful.

Perhaps my own quest for non-specific terms has let me down here, I should have said that they were not better qualified to treat me than I was.

Did you kill yourself Vs? If the point of help is to prevent it, and you didn't do it even without that help, then did you need it?

I know, I know, I'm being too simplistic about it. Told you, innate distrust of shrinks. (Lore's usually alright though. )

Now if by professional help, you mean somebody to talk to, to unburden to, then ok, maybe. And I know I'm looking at it from a personal perspective. Perhaps in general you're right.

But, since you're here to be right, and seem to be a fairly normal and well adjusted human being, the only possible advantage to having had professional help would have been to make you feel better about yourself earlier. And suffering builds character...

(You may all deride me for lack of sensitivity now. )

--A

Avatar wrote:And suffering builds character...

Suffering also leads to suicide, relationship difficulties, poor work . . .

Nah, it's ok Av.

However, the point of professional help isn't only to prevent suicide. It's to help the person seeking the help to have a better life than one racked with depression or chronic anxiety or whatever. Sure I didn't kill myself, but I did have a pretty shitty seven years, which is kinda bad considering that seven years is more than 25% of my entire life.

variol son wrote:However, the point of professional help isn't only to prevent suicide. It's to help the person seeking the help to have a better life than one racked with depression or chronic anxiety or whatever. Sure I didn't kill myself, but I did have a pretty shitty seven years, which is kinda bad considering that seven years is more than 25% of my entire life.

Just think how much better the lessons learned will make the rest of your life though.

But yes, it is to help them have a better life. Maybe my own feelings are because it didn't help me have a better life. I figured out for myself how to improve it. Several times.

And you're right LoreMaster, it can lead to all those things too. But if you survive it, you'll be a better human being. Not to mention more interesting.

Survival is what it's all about really, and there's a reason that the old cliche about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is a cliche. Because it's true.

It doesn't make it any easier while you're going through it, I'll be the first to agree. But it contributes to the person you become. And if, like most if not all of us here, you're the type of person you can be proud of being, ask yourself what kind of person you would be without having had to survive those negative experiences.

--A

Avatar wrote:Survival is what it's all about really, and there's a reason that the old cliche about what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is a cliche. Because it's true.

But it's not just about genes. If someone suicides because of environmental factors, that's not right.