Kevin's Watch

Poof! It comes to you as if from a dream: Put vaseline under the handle of his car!!! But you forget its there, and need to go out, and lo and behold, you have a hand covered in vaseline!

I wish it was going to be sunny this weekend while we're on tour.

AlakaZOT! It will be beautifully sunny on Saturday and Sunday...in Florida. Unfortunately, you won't be there.

I wish all the tourists who take the Metro in DC would stand to the right on the escalators, so us locals can run for the train on the left.

Poof! Wish granted...all the tourists on the Metro stand to the right so you can run, but then you trip and fall, scraping your pretty knees.

I wish I didn't have a headache right now.

POOF!
Your headache is completely gone.
Now it's your back and feet that hurt.

I wish that SpongeBob Squarepants was off the air.

Poof! Sponge Bob is off the air, but now it's the only thing playing at the movie theaters.



I wish my insomnia would go away!

thefirst wrote: I wish my insomnia would go away!

POOF!

You now sleep soundly as soon as your head hits the pillow.
The next day you read about a "win millions for staying awake the longest contest".


I wish English was the only language spoken in the world.

Everybody now speaks only English.
The problem now is that you only understand German!


I wish that I didn't have to crawl under houses at work to do wiring.

POOP!!

You just a got a new electrical contract, and it GARENTEES that you will NOT have to CRAWL underneith any houses.

Largly because the contract is for house-BOATS...so instead of crawling under them...you have to SWIM under them.

Shocking, eh?

I wish people wouldn't honk their horns at me, when I double park on a busy street.

ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP

When you double park, horns will NOT blare and people will NOT mind.
In fact, they will smile -
Because they will see the traffic cop giving you the ticket for double parking.

I wish I had some food in the house.

Shazam! Not only is there *some* food in the house, but your place is packed with foodstuffs! Jammed to the rafters with every possible thing to eat!

Unfortunately, it's so packed with food that you can't get in the front door, so you have to pitch a tent in the yard.

I wish it weren't raining.

aliantha wrote: I wish it weren't raining.

POOF!

Now it's snowing but at the same rate as rain.
Soon the snow will be over your house and you haven't even a shovel.


I wish earthquakes would destroy all man made objects.

[yeah! corrupt a negative, bitches! ]

Nature destroys all manmade objects, but it also destroys KW and all copies of SRD's works. - Woe to the insomniacs





I wish tabloids would stop printing magazines.

Ta-Da! Kabloomy! All tabloids stop printing magazines, but now ET has taken over all the TV stations to bring us celebrity news.

I wish Spongebob would NEVER go off the air.

Abracadabra! Spongebob is never off the air, but it is only on for five-minute segments at 3 in the morning.

I wish I was not so tired.

Bam! You are not tired. Now you have no excuse to clean.

I wish I could do better on my diet again.

*Ultrathin*

You do so well with a newer diet that you just cannot STOP losing the pounds.
Within a 2 month period, you dwindle down to nothing and vanish into thin air.

My wish is to win a Martial Art Tournament.

*Hi-ya!* You won!

Unfortunately, the reigning champion was your father, who is a sore loser. Not only are you grounded until the end of time, but you've been cut out of the will.

I wish ice cream was calorie free.

*Poof*
Ice cream is now calorie-free. However, it is also flavor-free and has the texture of a pail full of sand.

I wish I never had another headache ever again.

Ka-bam, you never have another headache but the pain has to go somewhere and it's in your neck.

I wish I had a new couch

Abracadabra.
You have a new couch. It is puce with turquoise and magenta stripes, and is made out of recycled toothpicks.

I wish somebody else would do my packing for me, exactly the way I would if I actually felt like packing.