Bad Writing Game--Win Some GOLD!

[Frostheart Grueburn]

"Metastatic clowns in the supper of life, thinking inside the chimney. Kumquats swim in the archipelago rainbow."

.

I am stealing that!

You'll be stealing twice. "Thinking inside the chimney" is from MLP:FIM, Pinkie Pie.

[shadowbinding shoe]

21.4 is april 24th?

?? Where do you get the 24th? 21st of April. Americans write dates backwards.

Now, folks, get typing! You too, sarge, but not "Metastatic clowns in the supper of life, thinking inside the chimney. Kumquats swim in the archipelago rainbow."

BTW, haven't gotten my winnings yet.

Oh! I'm supposed to give money OK, lets see if I have 500 WGD ... OK, you have been rewarded. (What are these tokens and HP? This monetary system is more complicated than I realized)

[sgt.null]

I sent 400 tokens to frosty four his winnings.

[DoctorGamgee]

The Chosen woke and knew not what to think.
"How came I here?" she queried through dim eyes.
"What did the giants ferment in this drink?
I wake in Daisy Dukes, gun strapped to thighs?"



"Perchance, 'tis I can give you what you need!"
said Longwrath, as he eyed her 'cross the room.
"Some whiny THOOLAH's Kindle caused this deed:
An altered Linden, set to raid a tomb."



"Alas, alack! I may have said before,
but now a braver heart beats in my breast.
Instead of Linden racing for the door,
I find my fingers burn to touch your chest!"



Yet shots rang out, no joy does end this song;
She fired because his Wrath was all 'twas long.

[Frostheart Grueburn]

A poetic graphic novel with some dirty drollery! Well done!
Did Exalt join the warriors to compensate, the ill-starred son?


Now, beat this, o ye other scallywags!
Time towards the deadline itself drags!

Yes, and thanks for sending monies! Shall award them wisely for the forthcoming winner. It's her, though; the wrong pronoun seems to be a recurrent event lately.

[sgt.null]

frostheart is a she - I had no idea. one thousand apologies and a few more tokens sent your way to make up for the gender confusion.

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Thanks; don't worry about it, though. Happens very often, especially in DeviantArt, and I honestly have no idea why. The little "eh-brand" icon just below the avatar might be of some help. Even my present username comes from a female character.

[sgt.null]

forgot we had the eh-brand / graveler posting.

[DoctorGamgee]

A poetic graphic novel with some dirty drollery! Well done!
Did Exalt join the warriors to compensate, the ill-starred son?


Now, beat this, o ye other scallywags!
Time towards the deadline itself drags!

Yes, and thanks for sending monies! Shall award them wisely for the forthcoming winner. It's her, though; the wrong pronoun seems to be a recurrent event lately.

Thank you! I tried to go for all the options at once, and since Sarge is very clever with photo-shop, I figured I had better do my best by adding a sonnet (complete with shift in third quatrain and ending couplet).

Bows.

[deer of the dawn]

DG, that was awesome!! I love it!! :HAIL:

[sgt.null]

DoctorGamgee - thank you for making me laugh. really needed that today. outstanding work.

[deer of the dawn]

All right, here is my contribution to the badness... to the tune of Queen's Killer Queen.

She keeps a little red car
In her blue jeans’ pocket
'I don’t forgive' she say
Just like a Haruchai
A built-in heal-all
For caesures and vitriol
The Land sends an invitation
You can't decline

Aliantha, diamondraught
Well versed the in the Seven Words
Crepuscularly nice

She's a Killer Queen
Earthpower, and White Gold
Dynamite with a Staff o’ Law
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Willing to pay any price
Insatiable an appetite
Wanna try?

To avoid complicationships
She never kept relationships;
With anyone but Covenant,
She spoke just like an Insequent.
Met a man in Andelain
Went down to the Sarangrave
Then again incidentally
She’s puissantly inclined

Melankurion abatha
Duroc minas mill harad
khabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

She's a Killer Queen
Earthpower, and White Gold
Dynamite with a Staff of Law
She can make Chuck Norris cry,
Anytime

Drop of a hat she's as kicking butt
Swinging her Staff like what-the-what
Then momentarily out of action
Battles will have to wait
Anele needs a hug now,
She's all out for Earthpower

She's a Killer Queen
Earthpower, and White Gold
Dynamite with a Staff of Law
Guaranteed to blow your mind
Anytime

Melankurion abatha
Duroc minas mill harad
khabaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

[Vraith]

HAH cha cha cha CHA!
Deer wins.
I'm sorry.
Deer wins, no one can defeat that.


Edited to add...yes, I sang it through. I had to. Couldn't stop myself.
Now I'm stuck with it.
Don't ever do anything like that with "Fat Bottom Girls" Deer, or I'll be lost forever.

[DoctorGamgee]

It's hard to beat "She can make Chuck Norris cry..."

Excellent Deer!

[Savor Dam]

Indeed!

[deer of the dawn]

HAH cha cha cha CHA!
Deer wins.
I'm sorry.
Deer wins, no one can defeat that.


Edited to add...yes, I sang it through. I had to. Couldn't stop myself.
Now I'm stuck with it.
Don't ever do anything like that with "Fat Bottom Girls" Deer, or I'll be lost forever.

Thank you Vraith, that made MY day!!! And "Fat Bottom Girls" would do nicely for the Mahdoubt-- assuredly!!

(But I did think Dr Gamgee's submission was EPICly better.)

[Frostheart Grueburn]

Eeexcellent, deer!! So, the contest now ventures the vast wastes of warped writing in verse! Think I'll link deer's entry to HLT's conversion thread, he'll likely desire to seed the post's babies.

Don't lick your talons yet, snarkburd. By shoe's request, the contest will receive a time extension.


Apparently I'm the only one here who had not heard "Fat Bottom Girls" before. Then again, how many besides me have listened to Saami songs?

[deer of the dawn]

I have, now. If you count Sofia Jannok. Loved this, and Mari Boine. Omigosh.

[shadowbinding shoe]

OK, sorry for the long delay. Others have used verse. Some used pretty pictures. I thought I'd try my hand at pure, good old fashioned fan-fiction. Here is the first half of this tale:


The world was cast in darkness. The end was nigh. At the base of the majestic mount Melenkurion, the last defenders of the Land awaited the approaching dooms.

There was no hope of salvation. It was the end. Could anyone, could anything save them now???


Linden Avery's Second Adventure
Part I - Love

"Oh, Linden!" His hands grasped her in the darkness and she clung to him, like an ivy to an oak.

"Kiss me," she whispered into his chest where his heart beat wildly, like a Ranyhyn in heat, "Stay here and kiss me."

"If only I could. If only I could! Oh, Linden…" he said again, sorrowfully, doggedly.

Linden wanted to scream her frustration, to drown him in her want and passion but… But! These were their last moments. The Worm would reach them along with Foul's endless host of Dooms in minutes. Minutes!! And they would be powerless to stop it from drinking the Earth's Blood and ending it all and them with it. Nothing could stop it now. Nothing. She wouldn't ruin this little time they still had in useless arguing. But how she wished he would, he would…

"Oh, Linden. Don't cry. Please, please don't cry. It's not you. It's… There's no other choice. You've got to understand. And… I cannot just wait and do nothing. Hellfire! The Worm is almost upon us. We cannot escape our Fates. We might as well embarrass them. There's nothing else we can do." He untangled himself from her and she could see him in her mind's eye squaring his shoulders as he turned away from her.

'Nothing else?' she mouthed his words to herself disbelievingly. Were useless, worthless grand gesturing all he was capable of? He could have stayed and done something beautiful with her instead. Something hot, and sweaty and earth shattering. But no, he wanted to go and die the hero. She blinked. His white gold ring was already started to shine. But he did not leave her. Not yet.

He half turns to look at her and –

And in the light of the ring she can glimpse the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Linden… I love you."

Love. He gives it to her, finally. After all this time. He said it. He loves her. He really do!

His lips were still spewing: "You're so perfect. Oh, Linden…" He hesitated there, as though expecting some reply. Linden didn't say anything. She didn't want to spoil the moment. This beautiful moment. And after all he'd put her through he deserved some uncertainty. "You have to know. I love you. I want you. God, how much I want you. I wanted you this whole time. You were right. Of course you were right. What use to be Worm-bait? It's stupid and pathetic, I'm stupid and pathetic to want to do it. What sane person would not rather spend his last moments in the arms of the objects of his affections? It's just… I didn't dare to tell you how I felt about you because, because I was afraid I would disappoint you. That I wasn't good enough. Time hasn't been good to me and I now have these stupid stumpy fingers and-"

She cut him off. Closing the distance in a wild leap, like a lady ranyhyn in heat. She puts her hands on his mouth and tells him "Shut up and kiss me, you fool!"

He didn't need any further encouragement. He swept her in his grasp. And he kissed her. Hotly. Sweatily. White-Goldingly!

The all consuming darkness is pales and then vanishing as twin beacons shoot out from the two white gold ringys on their chests. Their small company of giant galls, haruchai bucks, Ranyhyn, Ramen and precious Jeremiah are revealed as gladdened silhouettes around them. Even Mount Melenkurion and the surrounding foothills are lit up like a giant LCD screen of forgotten magic lore but still, still the darkness approach from the East, like a black worm of dread inside a dewy fluorescent apple.

Linden and Covenant broke their kiss for air. Covenant's shirt was ripped and his forehead was covered with sweat and there's a silly grin on him, like a clown's fake grin, but real! Linden is breathing heavily and her lips are like two pieces of overripe pomegranate rind. The top button of her shirt has been dislocated away and her hair is all messed up!

Covenant's gaze focused gradually and finally he notices the approaching darkness on the Eastern side. His shoulders are slumped. "I guess this is really the end. Oh, Linden. I'm just happy I found the courage to be true to you (and to myself!) at last, but I guess there's no time to consummate our love for each other in this life. The Worm is almost here." He laid his head on her bosom and breathed deeply. His gaze rises to meet hers. "I must fulfill my promise. I must go to confront the Worm and the rest. Just give me this moment before I have to go."

Linden's eyes filled with tears of sorrow. Tears, like dewy pearls of shininess, fell down her cheeks. Like a fountain, like a rainstorm, she wept. Her lips trembled in denial. "No." she said.

Covenant looked at her. The rest of the company looked at her.

She does not have the heart to bear witness to his confrontation with the Worm and Foul's endless armies. She knows that he was fail. But he Loves her. Even he, Thomas Covenant, White Gold Wielder and Unbeliever can't win this battle. No one can. Yet he Loves her. But she was Linden Avery, The Chosen. She was the woman who faced Ravers and Elohim and won and she was there not to give up. She could never give up. He loves her. She would never give up. She was Linden! And Covenant LOVES her! Protecting those last, precious words close inside her overflowing, LOVE FILLED BOSOM she drew her cute pencil-thin eyebrows together and thought hard on how to save the day. She has her Staff. She has Covenant's Ring. She's got the power! Now… what to do with it?

Linden glanced around at her companions. The Giants looked worshipfully back at her. They believed in her. They knew who she is. And Jeremiah. Linden smiled at him. How wonderful it is, to has him. She couldn't resist herself. She winked at him.

He winked back. Just like a normal boy. "Oh, mom. Now I know you will save us."

Linden held up her Staff and drew her ring from its warm hidey-hole under her shirt. She knew what she had to do now. Drawing power from both objects of power she surrounded them all with the white fire of her burning passion.

And just like that, they were gone.

The Worm paused in its place. It's swinging its head around, seeming to say: "Where is that wonderful Chosen. That gall that's so tasty I had to swallow a bunch of big-headed Elohim to reach?! Where the –beep- is she? That one in a million, that Linden?"

Foul and Kestenessen glanced nervously at each other. "Now, now. There's no reason to get antsy. There's still the Melenkuri-juice." Foul tried to console the Worm.

The Worm shook. "It's not the same," it seemed to say. "I want a Linden."

[DoctorGamgee]

Enjoyed it, Shoe! Especially the "White-Goldingly!" Bad...very bad. Love it! And "dewy pearls of shininess". Excellent!