Kevin's Watch

Linden - much like anchovies - is about as appealing as Satan's butthole. Thus only THOOLAH offers the true path to enlightenment.

It's a well-known fact that the lost and deluded members of that depraved sect, Linden's Army (I shudder even to mention its name) carry out obscene rituals where, after munching on countless anchovies, they sit down in a ring and spend hours at a time doing precisely nothing except for examining their own navels, agonising over their self-worth, weeping and wringing their hands and contemplating the anchovy oil stains on their pants, in case there is some sort of mystic message contained therein (There actually is... it's "take a shower and get a life, you sad, fishy-smelling loser"). All this to honour the name of their false idol, Linden Avery, the princess of procrastination, the imperatrix of inaction, the arch-duchess of annoyingness, the sovereign of self-obsession and the baroness of blubbing (to give her her full title).

'Nuff said.

TheFallen wrote:Linden - much like anchovies - is about as appealing as Satan's butthole. Thus only THOOLAH offers the true path to enlightenment.

'Nuff said.

I simply can't find the words to describe how much I agree with the above statement. All existing language is inadequate in the extreme.

TheFallen wrote:Linden - much like anchovies - is about as appealing as Satan's butthole. Thus only THOOLAH offers the true path to enlightenment.

It's a well-known fact that the lost and deluded members of that depraved sect, Linden's Army (I shudder even to mention its name) carry out obscene rituals where, after munching on countless anchovies, they sit down in a ring and spend hours at a time doing precisely nothing except for examining their own navels, agonising over their self-worth, weeping and wringing their hands and contemplating the anchovy oil stains on their pants, in case there is some sort of mystic message contained therein (There actually is... it's "take a shower and get a life, you sad, fishy-smelling loser"). All this to honour the name of their false idol, Linden Avery, the princess of procrastination, the imperatrix of inaction, the arch-duchess of annoyingness, the sovereign of self-obsession and the baroness of blubbing (to give her her full title).

'Nuff said.

Holy shit, what an awesome post! THOOLAH forever!

TheFallen wrote:Linden - much like anchovies - is about as appealing as Satan's butthole. Thus only THOOLAH offers the true path to enlightenment.

It's a well-known fact that the lost and deluded members of that depraved sect, Linden's Army (I shudder even to mention its name) carry out obscene rituals where, after munching on countless anchovies, they sit down in a ring and spend hours at a time doing precisely nothing except for examining their own navels, agonising over their self-worth, weeping and wringing their hands and contemplating the anchovy oil stains on their pants, in case there is some sort of mystic message contained therein (There actually is... it's "take a shower and get a life, you sad, fishy-smelling loser"). All this to honour the name of their false idol, Linden Avery, the princess of procrastination, the imperatrix of inaction, the arch-duchess of annoyingness, the sovereign of self-obsession and the baroness of blubbing (to give her her full title).

'Nuff said.

I am rendered speechless by the awesomeness of that post

dlbpharmd wrote:

TheFallen wrote:Linden - much like anchovies - is about as appealing as Satan's butthole. Thus only THOOLAH offers the true path to enlightenment.

It's a well-known fact that the lost and deluded members of that depraved sect, Linden's Army (I shudder even to mention its name) carry out obscene rituals where, after munching on countless anchovies, they sit down in a ring and spend hours at a time doing precisely nothing except for examining their own navels, agonising over their self-worth, weeping and wringing their hands and contemplating the anchovy oil stains on their pants, in case there is some sort of mystic message contained therein (There actually is... it's "take a shower and get a life, you sad, fishy-smelling loser"). All this to honour the name of their false idol, Linden Avery, the princess of procrastination, the imperatrix of inaction, the arch-duchess of annoyingness, the sovereign of self-obsession and the baroness of blubbing (to give her her full title).

'Nuff said.

Holy shit, what an awesome post!

I agree, it is a remarkable post. I laughed out loud...really. IRL!
It is such a stunning work of pure imagination, it almost makes one wish it was, in some small way, true.

There is a tiny sliver of truth. I do munch anchovies (not countless ones, but more than the zero Dam-sel would choose for me to have and more than the "every other slice" policy of Menolly's) and procrastination is one of my vices. However it is not *my* navel that holds my attention, but the OPALs in other navels.

Vraith wrote: It is such a stunning work of pure imagination, it almost makes one wish it was, in some small way, true.[/color]

I wish with all my heart that it wasn't true. This thread wouldn't exist at all and we wouldn't be a house divided.

But alas pen has been put to paper and the Chronicles are finally complete for good or ill.

LA SUCKS!!!

I had to get one more in.

*applause*

Cue samadhi Sheol speaking to Linden in TWL:

"You are being filleted as anchovies are filleted to achieve the flavouring of my pizza. I will relish that pizza."

Ha! _ A very fitting Logo for Linden's Army. As you know from our conversation in December, I'm with you in this.

Sweet.

Bah! We are not amused.

Let add to the fire...


There is one who is a bigger Linden Avery fan than all the watch...
By his mere presence, he nullifies THOOLAH...
He is so much a fan of Linden, he did the only thing anyone can do.

Spoiler

He married her..

So to not like his wife is to not like him...

edit : OOPS!!

Let's be nice, guys. This isn't a competition. We're all fans of Stephen R. Donaldson and we all love the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.
There is plenty of common ground to go around.
We all agree that Donaldson is a master storyteller.
We all agree that "Covenant is Donaldson's genius".
We all agree that eating Aliantha is a life changing experience.
We all agree that Andelain is breathtakingly beautiful.
We all agree that pissing off a Cavewight without possessing a magic ring to defend yourself is suicide.
And the most important thing we all can agree on is that Linden Avery Sucks!

I feel so much better finally getting that off my chest since I've kept my feelings on the matter to myself all this time.

Ahhhhhhh......

I would very much like to thank Linden's Army for keeping this thread alive. We couldn't have done it without you.
We of THOOLAH are in your debt.

Ah, yes! The sweet sound of LA whining through the trees!
Without them we would not get to sing our songs of THOOLAH
with such gusto and joy
The discordant harmonies are music to our ears!

Great picture, as well. Thanks, Frosty!

THOOLAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

u.

aTOMiC: LA Sucks!
Grueburn: [entering] Hi.
Cabledarm: [entering] 'Sup.
aTOMiC: [glancing at Giants] Uh ... Let's be nice, guys ...

I thought I'd post this little ditty for general entertainment and education.

Covenant's Song

(To the tune of "Yesterday" by The Beatles).

Leprosy... I'm not half the man I used to be.
Pieces keep on dropping off of me
Since I contracted leprosy.

Avery... Linden's even worse than leprosy.
She keeps whining on and on at me.
Oh please shut up and let me be.

Why I am her beau, I don't know, I'd rather flee.
If I must choose between, I prefer my leprosy.

Eternally... there's some loser crying over me.
Jesus Christ, it's Linden Avery.
Can't she just leave and set me free?

Recently... I can't feel any extremity.
Plus Linden's whining is benumbing me.
Please God, let her be munched by She.

Leprosy... my right hand's digits run from one to three.
Please spare me from Ms. Avery.
I'd rather have my leprosy.

And if you don't already know it, can I also heartily recommend Effy and Frosty's excellent Wikia - to be found here - which should appeal to those of you with a wryer sense of humour.

FYI. :twisted:

Furthermore, I've spammed this quote to...how many threads now, and not a single thoolahian has been able to contradict me!

Spoiler

The literal Linden’s Army (for indeed one happens to exist complete with a seasoned warlady) consists of some the bravest, most steadfast characters of the LC’s. Show me a handful of passages where Rime Coldspray whines or studies grass stains on her cataphract, and I acquiesce. Well, Grueburn admitted to moaning oft, but that was a dirty joke shared between her and Latebirth, clearly intended to make fun of Jeremiah’s innocence.

//this time zone off to bed

Goodnight, Frostheart!

Spoiler

...and may you be moaning oft! Far more fun than to be entirely dour...

Looking forward to your dissection this June of Part One Chapter Eight where all these conversations take place.