Kevin's Watch

My sister said something interesting today about her husband. She said he has a "spirit of poverty" about him, that he thinks there is never enough money, never enough time, never enough love.

Sometimes we do need to be grateful to God or the Universe or whatever, and say "this is enough."

Interesting article, Ananda. Loneliness is definitely intertwined with depression-- although one can be lonely in a crowd, too.

deer of the dawn wrote:My sister said something interesting today about her husband. She said he has a "spirit of poverty" about him, that he thinks there is never enough money, never enough time, never enough love.

insatiability.........the great motivator and the great destroyer of spirit.

lorin wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:My sister said something interesting today about her husband. She said he has a "spirit of poverty" about him, that he thinks there is never enough money, never enough time, never enough love.

insatiability.........the great motivator and the great destroyer of spirit.

Well said, lorin.

SRD wrote:Guilt is power.

So messed up, but so true.

St Paul wrote:When I am weak, then I am strong.

*sigh*

Interestingly enough, people tend to be less depressed, more happy and less worried about how happy they are, when they lose themselves in service to others.

deer of the dawn wrote:...although one can be lonely in a crowd, too.

Personally, I find the ability to be so a blessing rather than anything else. I find the silence in my head to be something to appreciate.

--A

SoulBiter wrote:Interestingly enough, people tend to be less depressed, more happy and less worried about how happy they are, when they lose themselves in service to others.

Isn't that the truth! When I'm teaching a room full of kiddos, I don't have time to wallow.

Avatar wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:...although one can be lonely in a crowd, too.

Personally, I find the ability to be so a blessing rather than anything else. I find the silence in my head to be something to appreciate.

--A

It's when there's not silence but a whole lotta noise in your head that there's a problem.

I can try to get away, but I've strapped myself in
I can try to scratch away the sound in my ears
I can feel it killing away all of my bad parts
I don't wanna listen, but it's all too clear

Cambo wrote:

Avatar wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:...although one can be lonely in a crowd, too.

Personally, I find the ability to be so a blessing rather than anything else. I find the silence in my head to be something to appreciate.

--A

It's when there's not silence but a whole lotta noise in your head that there's a problem.
]

Yeah, I was kind of wondering how you got to that "silent" place, A.

I once Googled something like "my mind won't shut up!" and got a lot of hits! Most of them led to the same thing: breathing exercises. I tried it. It really does work. But it takes a little concentration.

Just sit, lie down, or whatever, and take a deep, relaxing breath. Focus on the sound of the air moving through your body, and the sensation of your diaphragm rising and falling. That's it. Do it for several breaths. You will literally feel your muscles relaxing, and that crazy buzz of thoughts will give you a break.

I do this sometimes when I'm trying to pray and can't focus, or to fall asleep, or simply to think clearly about something. Once you get used to it you can do it while driving, waiting in line, or whatever.

What I meant about "lonely in a crowd" is that feeling that although you're among people, you are not fellowship with them, you feel outside of the connection they are sharing (or seem to be sharing). It helps to remember that others may feel the same way.

Deer: spot on. I meditate semi-daily, and doing my core breathing exercises during the day really helps me feel good.

I'm not sure if it's what Av means or not, but, for me, it's not that I have silence in my head when I'm in a crowd, it's that the crowd can't intrude. I'm thinking my thoughts, and I'm not paying attention to the crowd. I think it's kind of like listening to a great song on a radio station that doesn't come in very well. I listen to the song, not the static.

I guess it's the difference between feeling "alone in a crowd" and "lonely in a crowd".

deer of the dawn wrote:Yeah, I was kind of wondering how you got to that "silent" place, A.

Not really sure. When I stopped letting the world, inside or out, interfere (much) with how I wanted to feel maybe.

...although you're among people, you are not fellowship with them, you feel outside of the connection they are sharing (or seem to be sharing).

Yeah, sometimes I look around, and I don't want to be in fellowship with them.

But sorta like Fist says...the crowd is there, doing it's own thing, and I'm watching or not paying attention at all, as takes my fancy.

...it's the difference between feeling "alone in a crowd" and "lonely in a crowd".

I guess it is. The trick is to turn one into the other, because it's not necessarily bad. In fact, it can be good.

--A

feelin' it today. Feel sad, trapped and lonely. Feel like it's all slipping by me. I am looking at this screen and not feeling like churning up the same old bullcrap. So instead......whine, whine, Whine, WHINE,WHINE..............ok?

life is what happens while you are waiting for it to start.

I am thinking of changing my screen name to chelseablue. whattaya think? Think it will solve all my problems?

lorin wrote:I am thinking of changing my screen name to chelseablue. whattaya think? Think it will solve all my problems?

I don't think it'll solve a damn thing. But feel free to change your screen name if you want.

Lorin.

I heard that people called chelseablue never have problems. It will totally solve things for you!

deer of the dawn wrote:My sister said something interesting today about her husband. She said he has a "spirit of poverty" about him, that he thinks there is never enough money, never enough time, never enough love.

btw, this scared me a little... it's in some ways all too much like me some days.

lorin- a belated
I suspect life just isn't working out the way we'd expected or woulda chosen!
And then there's this nagging fear that it is and is gonna be the case for those we love too!

I have been struggling for quite some time with feeling hopeless and pointless. I had an inspirational dream months ago that told me that I don't need to know the answers to what is troubling me, I just need to have faith. I think back to that dream often, especially in my darkest and loneliest hours.

I often ask myself, faith in what? As well as why, and how? How am I supposed to believe something good will come of this, when history shows that nothing good ever lies down the road. I find myself looking for something to believe in.

One day, about a month ago, I was driving across Iowa on the interstate, contemplating suicide. I mean, I am not about to go in the bathroom and cut myself open or anything, but I do think about it a lot. Anyway, I was driving along thinking about the consequences, thinking about how to do it, just knee deep in suicide inside my own brain, when I topped a hill, and there was a huge sign proclaiming CHOOSE LIFE. It was an anti-abortion bilboard, but I couldn't help thinking that the universe was sending me a message.

Work has been slow lately, and I have enough seniority that I can choose to go home when we have lines shut down. Hating life and my job and everything lately, I always go home when they ask, because I have no ambition to make myself do something I don't have to do. I am starting to get dangerously behind on my bills as I have barely worked half as much as normal for over a month now. I try to psyche myself up before work, but when I get there, and they ask if I want to go home, when I am about to say that I will stay, I have a panic attack realizing that if I don't go home now, I won't be able to later.

So yesterday, they asked me. And I had promised myself I would work the full week this week. But I spent five minutes pacing around trying to decide. Just as I decided that it would be best if I left, like a 2x4 to my brain, I was hit with the image of the interstate billboard sign "CHOOSE LIFE" ....

And I did.

So I stayed. I had a good night (high production means I make more money). And I even got invited to go to a party next weekend. Cool. And I feel sort of hopeful today

Glad to hear it, shur-lord!

Linna Heartlistener wrote:

deer of the dawn wrote:My sister said something interesting today about her husband. She said he has a "spirit of poverty" about him, that he thinks there is never enough money, never enough time, never enough love.

btw, this scared me a little... it's in some ways all too much like me some days.

I had seen your new avatar and title elsewhere and was wondering if you were having a time such as this. I hope this is not the case.

if it is.

"It is only when the hour is darkest that the Light shines brightest."
If you are lacking Light, may it shine brightly soon.