Kevin's Watch

I'd write something to a new anthology provided that the whole project were organized and certain.

I'm doing occasional short story exercises on a different board.

Freudian slip WF?

No trust me guys - this was below even dogerall. Better I had strangled it at birth than left it to mutate into this Monster that has come back to haunt me.

[Clue; one was a comparison of a particuarly toothsome girl who I was lusting after to 'an angels feather that 'dropeth from heaven'. Ughhh - what was I thinking. Well actually, I know what I was thinking and it didn't work ]

peter wrote:[Clue; one was a comparison of a particuarly toothsome girl who I was lusting after to 'an angels feather that 'dropeth from heaven'. Ughhh - what was I thinking. Well actually, I know what I was thinking and it didn't work ]

Well there's the first mis-step that we can help you with - instead of writing Victorian love poetry comparing unrequited love to angels' feathers, welcome to the world of modern poetry where you graphically describe your fantasised toothful consumption of the love object. I promise you, by the time you've written that whatever it is, it won't be doggerel. (I presume you've read 'Leda and the Swan' by Yeats, or Larkin's 'Love Again', or...., or....)

u.

Any graphic description I gave of that [imagined] consumation would be more suited to the pages of Penthouse than this place; she was a 38DD for god-sake!

What's that compared to SRD's Giantesses? O_o We're talking about pillows and mattresses.

Pillow-top mattresses, at that.

So I finished the first draft of Seasons of the Fool over the weekend. I wrote myself into a corner on Friday night (I was pantsing* -- what was I thinking? ) and stayed up 'til 2am talking myself through the mess I'd made. The fix worked, I guess, because I spent all day at it on Saturday (9K words! ) and Sunday (another 5K to the end of the book).

So anyway, that's done. Now to let it sit for a few weeks before I dive into the editing phase.



*Pantsing is short for "writing by the seat of your pants" -- as opposed to plotting, which involves writing an outline of some sort before you commence writing, which is what I usually do. I did have an outline, sort of, for this book, but it kept evolving as I went along, and I didn't anticipate Friday night's twist at all....

Congrats!

aliantha wrote:Pillow-top mattresses, at that.

Now you're just attempting to excite Hashi and wayfriend. Peter hasn't responded, so I presume he prefers lesser...cushions.

Or is wisely keeping his mouth shut.

Thanks!

So......I wrote a poem. Never wrote one before. I enjoyed writing it. Not sure it will make sense to anyone but what the heck........



morning mist gathers

on storied skin

droplets drawn together

by need

tracing the long path to

the space

between the world and

the heart



the air

laden with morning

pushed against

the chest



each beat
summoned
the next


each call
unsettled
unanswered


each word
spoken
to the void



evening sun settles

morning mist pushed

aside

forcing heat into

the abyss

ancient nights call



again

I'm not at all qualified to judge poetry. But I like it.

It's always great to see someone new writing poetry. I especially liked the phrase 'storied skin' and the half-rhymes mist/abyss and void/aside.

I would like to be able to see the 'storied skin' more clearly, is it tattooed, wrinkled, or a metaphor for something else e.g. a carved stone. The phrase 'tracing the long path' is intriguing and doesn't really give us enough to hang onto it, and to allow us to associate our own experiences and memories with it.

I like the circularity of the poem, starting in the morning and ending with night with the implication that morning will come again. This gives the poem extra structure which is one of the key ways of increasing the intensity and energy of a poem.

Write some more!

u.

Poetry that is written from the heart Lorin, rarely falls on deaf ears. Thanks for sharing.

ussusimiel wrote: I especially liked the phrase 'storied skin'


I would like to be able to see the 'storied skin' more clearly, is it tattooed, wrinkled, or a metaphor for something else
u.

Yes, that was my fave phrase...and it comes right away, great hook.

I expected in the rest for things like the mist and the day changing to be actively writing more story right now...or to "trace" a specific story or two that was already told on the skin. [and yea, the path...that's a nice line, too].
It's good as it is...but there is a lot that could be done with it.
And it implies more could be done by the author, cuz:
I've seen a LOT of "my first poem, ever" teaching and taking classes...this is first rate for a first effort. Better than many, or even most, get by their first 100...or ever.

thanks all! I am going to look at it again. I feel inspired.

So how's everybody doing?

I've submitted the WIP, which is titled "Seasons of the Fool," to Amazon's new Kindle Scout program -- and they've accepted it.

The idea behind the program is that readers will be able to read excerpts of books on the site, and books that generate reader interest will get a $1500 advance from Amazon's Kindle Press program. Unlike the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards, which are once a year, the Kindle Scout program will be ongoing. They claim they'll do a boatload of promotion help for the Kindle Press books.

Anyway, my book goes live on Oct. 27th. Don't worry, I'll be spamming the Watch to ask y'all to vote for it.

That is awesome!