Kevin's Watch

I've still got hope! *hopes*

MrKABC wrote:Bummer... this thread has been required reading for a while now...

Not dead yet. Getting better.



Linden and Covenant talk privately about time passing in the “real” world.

TC: What else did I miss. Did that lunatic Regan start a war with the Soviets?
Linden: Surprisingly no, but not for lack of trying.
TC: So the Russians won the cold war or is it still going on?
Linden: Well no, its over. The Soviet economy tanked and that was it.
TC: I guess its a good thing, all that military buildup was bound to lead to a war... Why did their economy collapse?
Linden: Who knows, certainly not because of anything Reagan did. And there was a war, Iraq invaded Kuwait and we and the Brits and some other countries forced them out. That was during Bush's term, then Clinton was elected, twice.
TC: This Clinton was the governor you “knew” who went on to be a two term president?
Linden: Yes, but when I left he was being sued for sexual harassment.
TC: Sounds like my kind of president <grin>
Linden: A lot of things have changed since you died, sexual harassment is not a joke, you pig! Feminists groups work hard at bringing you jerks like you down!
TC: Whoa, calm down. I guess those groups are giving Clinton hell now..
Linden: What, are you nuts? He's a Democrat.

Where is the last post???????????

Ahhhhhhhh, now i can view them!!

You guys have got to keep thie thread running its hilarious!!!!!!!!

Actually I think they should be compiled and put somewhere on the web. Too good.

IVP, you are the man. You have skillfully worked in referenced to the Matrix, Clerks, South Park, Austin Powers, and Republicans. Now you just need to work in some Family Guy, Fight Club, Star Trek, and Sealab 2021!

You are my new Hero.

Sealab? Dear god, this is crazy enough.

I wonder if it is possible to add the Codpiece to the shop?

duchess of malfi wrote:I wonder if it is possible to add the Codpiece to the shop?

The codpiece and the Staff of Love!?!?

What the heck happened to this thread? It was (is) the BEST reading at the 'Watch'!!!

Please, IVB, give us more! (Disclaimer: Said in a totally macho, non-gay, literary way)

Jim

In DEAD-LAND, (7800 feet above Andelain, second cloud on the right) the Land's dead are cavorting around with their wings and harps; Handel's "Messiah" plays on continuous loop through cloud-mounted speakers, and Hile Troy is thoroughly frustrated.

HILE TROY: Elena, I just don't understand. I have been trying to get in to your robe now for over 7000 years, and you are telling me that you *still* aren't interested? What is the deal here?

ELENA: I didn't want you discovering my secret, and I still don't.

HILE: What secret is that? You might as well tell me. I haven't spent 3000 years as a tree with birds crapping all over me and passing Woodhelvennin pissing on me to not know your secrets NOW.

ELENA: <sigh> Well, I might as well tell you. Since you don't have any eyes, that means you have an over-developed sense of smell. They didn't call me "Foul-wife" for nothing, if you know what I mean.

HILE: Well, why didn't you say something earlier? I could have had Lord Mhoram sing, or do something with his staff, or SOMETHING!

ELENA: Well, that's one of the other reasons why I was never interested in you... Lord Mhoram WAS singing and doing things to me with his staff... it was INCREDIBLE. First, he would get a couple of Wraiths from Andelain to flicker around the room, to create the mood. Then, the Unfettered One from Glimmermere would tie me up. THEN, Lord Mhoram would smear hurtloam all over my...

HILE: You bitch! You slut! You whore! Why didn't you ever invite ME to these parties? You know I have wanted you ever since I laid blank, eyeless sockets on you.

ELENA: Well, you always were to busy playing with your own ebony sword. I don't do ebony swords, sorry. Besides, I saw the way Hiltmark Quaan was looking at you. And, wasn't HE the one that told you he liked to be "hiltmarked" by you in the Warward showers?

HILE: He TOLD you that?? The bastard! He said he wouldn't tell a soul.

ELENA: He told me that in exchange for me telling him where you were when you were a tree stump. He said that before he came to Revelstone he was a goat-herder, and tree stumps and goats were all they had out in the fields! He was SOOOO turned on by the fact that you had been turned in to a stump.

HILE: So THAT is how the bastard found me! He made me his tree-stump bitch for YEARS and I couldn't do anything about it! Caerroil Wildwood would just pull up a branch and watch, that perverted old bastard.

ELENA: Well, I must be going now. I hear High Lord Kevin will be stopping in soon. He said he would Desecrate me after lunch. He is SO forceful! He keeps yelling "Must! Must! Must! Must!" when he is in the middle of...

HILE: (throws harp down in disgust) DAMN! So I am STILL out of luck? Come ON woman! Eyeless ones have needs too!

ELENA: <snicker> I think you have a little too much bark on your twig for me! Ah, hah hah hah hah!!

Dear god.

I'm bummed... You didn't like my addition to the soap opera....

Like sands through the hourglass... so are the Days of Our Land.



Bannor: That's it, Elena. I have had enough. I'm gonna tell Trell that you had an abortion.
Elena: No, you won't. Your threat is your power over me. You won't give that up.
Bannor: A threat can turn into a bomb and blow up your life, unless... unless you do what I say and keep away from Covenant.
Elena: Okay, fine. Do whatever you want. I obviously can't stop you.
Bannor: Okay, watch as I go downstairs right now and tell Trell you killed his great grandchild.
Elena: You don't know what a hard choice that was for me to make, Bannor.
Bannor: Mhoram was the daddy. Why are you the only one that gets to choose?
Elena: I did it for him!
Bannor: And I'm sure he's gonna believe that. Ow!
Elena: Ow! Ow.

Narrator: Ouch. Someone got bitch-slapped. But who?

Elena: You're going to keep your mouth shut, Bannor. If I find out that you told Trell, you'll get way more than a slap on the face.


Meanwhile . . .

Covenant: Yeah, at least I don't go kissing up to people and thinking I am God's gift to the Land. I don't pretend I'm perfect. Going around bragging about my precious military tactics.
Hile Troy: Yeah, well, at least I'm not a leper.
Covenant: You're a phony.
Troy: You're a dooface.
Covenant: Airhead.
Troy: Jerk.
Covenant: Sell-out!.
Troy: FREAK!

3 words. tree. stump. bitch.

From today's GI:

Stephen: IVB at Kev's Watch is sharing with us "As the World Burns - A Kevin's Watch SOAP".

It is ECSTATICALLY FUNNY!
If you want to burst your sides laughing check it out! (Runes Forum, Sticky)

But be warned! Your characters are HILARIOUSLY ABUSED! (And the action starts at the end of Runes too... )

And Thanks for the news about book 2!!! We had a celebration!

Best.
Stephen.

I'm passing this along for people who might enjoy it. I haven't had time to check it out myself--although typically I enjoy such things (witness my fondness for Heatherly and Julie's Fantasy Bedtime Hour).

(06/15/2005)[/i

]

*** pouts ***

still wants to buy Damelon's codpiece in the watch shop