Kevin's Watch

Granted. You now know how to ice skate. Unfortunately there are no ice rinks nearby, and you don't have the time to go anywhere that has one. You soon forget all about the wish, and, having never gone ice skating, you never realise that you know how.


My only wish, to catch a fish, so juicy sweet.

*poof* You are a wretched, anorexic, 500 year old halfling. Halitosis from gobbling raw fish for lunch chases away most of your friends. You're fondness for cave life puts a crimp in your lifestyle. And you're jewelry fetish puts you on the bad side of the law real fast. You die a nasty lava-related death.

I wish I could respect golf as a legitimate sport.

Granted. You now respect golf as a legitimate sport. Unfortunately, this leads to you losing everyone's respect as a legitimate person.

I wish my right ear would stop ringing. It wasn't that loud.

*Poof*

You're right ear is no longer ringing. In fact, you can never hear anything ever again.

I wish the Beatles hadn't broken up.

*POOF*
The Beatles are still together, however,
Yoko runs the band and Micheal Jackson has all
the copyrights.
And both write most of the songs.


I wish there was positive-proof that ghosts DO exist.

Granted. You are now followed everywhere by one, and it scares away all your friends and family. You are too afraid to sleep because you don't know what it might do if you don't watch it constantly. You end up being taken away by the government so that they can experiment on the ghost, which refuses to leave your side.


I'm wishing on a star; I'm wishing for a rainbow.

****POOF***** Granted!

Unfortunately for you, the star you wished upon was Tom Cruise, and you are now a rabid Scientologist. You decide that the rainbow wish is facetious and vow that climate change has put paid to any further occurrences.

I wish I had a harem of gorgeous men to do my bidding.

*poof* You have a harem of gorgeous men who do your bidding. They are all over the world, and you communicate with them on Kevin's Watch. But they spend so much time bickering in the Tank that they're not worth the trouble. (Wait ... is it fair if you use a wish that already came true? )

I wish I had a harem of gorgeous women// ... no wait, that's too easy to corrupt. Start over.

I wish that my talents were appreciated.

Elfgirl's wish didn't have anything to do with Josh?

Anyway, Wayfriend's wish... Your talents are appreciated. Well, some of them. Ok, two. Your previously untapped talents for projectile vomiting and combustive flatulence make you a legend on the carnival circuit. Sadly, they also empty your social calendar for the foreseeable future.

I wish I was a Mission: Impossible-style master of disguise.

Murrin wrote:Granted. You are now followed everywhere by one, and it scares away all your friends and family. You are too afraid to sleep because you don't know what it might do if you don't watch it constantly. You end up being taken away by the government so that they can experiment on the ghost, which refuses to leave your side.

I forgot to mention how much I love this post.

CovenantJr wrote:
I wish I was a Mission: Impossible-style master of disguise.

*poof*

Wish granted.
Unfortunately your name is now Pistachio Disguisey and are openly mocked wherever you go.
www.imdb.com/title/tt0295427/

I wish all those who knowing email SPAM would suddenly die.

High Lord Tolkien wrote: I wish all those who knowing email SPAM would suddenly die.

****POOF!****** Granted!!

All spammers die from a horrid virus which makes their hard-drive go floppy. Unfortunately, your email supply has completely dried up as that was the only communication you received...

I wish I was....Lost on an island with Josh Holloway as my personal sex slave! (ha, it was only a matter of time, Cjr!!)

*Poof*

You got Josh on that island but he's impotent.

I wish I had a green thumb.

*poof*

You're thumb is gangrene. (Too easy.)

I wish I could talk to the Creator of the Universe.

Wish granted. You have a very long and enlightening conversation. Unfortunately, he charges by the minute. You come back to Earth to find yourself four thousand dollars in debt, go on a drinking binge to make yourself feel better, and forget all the wisdom the Creator imparted.

I wish I were in Sherbrooke now.

*POOF*
You are in Sherbrooke now.
Right in time for the total destruction due to the biggest wildfire in history.

I wish I still had my '67 GTO & '79 Cougar XR-7

***POOF**** Wish granted!

You have your '67 GTO and '79 Cougar XR-8...problem is, some street gang stole all moving parts and graffitied over both and they are now sitting on wooden blocks by the kerbside.

I wish I could afford a home theatre system

Wish granted. You can afford a home theatre system. You buy one, hook it up and watch movies all night long. You fall asleep at 4 am without turning the system off. It overheats, sets your house on fire and almost kills you. Your home insurance provider classifies it as an act of god and refuses to reimburse you. Now you can't afford anything.

I wish I already had my Master's degree and didn't have to go to school anymore.

*****POOF***** Wish Granted!

You have your masters degree, but there is a glut in the job market and your masters degree has overqualified you for every job on the planet except as pedicurist to the Association for Extreme Tinea and Gorgonzola Feet Syndrome.

I wish I was owned a Ferrari.

Elfgirl wrote:
I wish I was owned a Ferrari.

*poof*

You own a Ferrari.
Seven seconds later it is stolen from you.



I wish that I could crush people's heads from a distance by slowly putting my thumb and index finger together.

Granted. Two words: Police snipers.


I wish I knew how to quit you.