Kevin's Watch

I wish I could understand what my dog is saying when she barks.

poof - you understand your dog now and turns out she has framed you for a robbery so she can go live with the nice couple next door.

wish i could lose another 100 lbs

--poof--
A brilliant beam of light shines down on you and a great warmth fills you being. You barely even question it when you float up into the alien craft. The friendly beings perfom many tests on you and take your body apart to see how it all works. Fortunately, they reassemble you after they are done and most everything works fine! Unfortunately, they had a few pieces leftover. These bits, they ship to their culinary studies department so they do not go to waste.

I wish I was23 again!

Ka-pow

You are 23 again.
The bad part is you still look the age you are now,
if not 10 years older.

I wish I could fly.

poof you can fly! BUT YOU FORGOT TO WISH FOR THE ABILITY TO LAND.

i wishi had a better memory.

(Good one, sarge)

Your memory is improved so much that you never forget anything.
The corrupted part is that all the memories are bad ones.

I wish that I could prove that UFOs are real.

*poof* You conclusively prove to the world they are real, but the Elves are really pissed off now.

I wish I could ride a white horse bareback down a sandy beach.

*poofles*

As you ride down the sandy beach on your white horse, you see a half-submerged statue looming on the horizon. It appears to be a woman from the torso up with one arm upraised. Behind you, you can hear the pursuit of the ape centurians as they close in.

I wish I was omnipotent with the potential to become omniscient.

*POOF*

As the god-ruler of Tusculum, you are worshipped by all and everyone loves you. You never have to invoke your power to accomplish most tasks, your people are happy to please you in any way. But you are greedy for more. Power alone does not satisfy you and you battle Rector for his unlimited knowledge of all things. You defeat Rector and absorb all his power and knowledge only to learn that you are a character in a video game and that Keth has been hiding throughout the battle and it is his arrow that is now about to peirce your heart.......

I wish I didn't need sleep.

*poof* You no longer need sleep. Denied the function of dreaming, you slowly go mad as you spend most of your days and nights sorting through cognitive functions, which gradually decay into utter chaos. That, and your cable bill is through the roof; your significant other dumps you because you are totally creepy, your internet friends shun you as a psychotic cyberpest, and you've maxed out your credit cards buying every piece of home shopping crap out there.

I wish I could fly!

I wish I could fly!

as you fly along the midnight sky, uncaring and free, the jetfighter locks in his missle system...

I wish i could find that grant hart live cd

*pewf* You spot the cd in the bottom of the toilet in the men's room in a NYC subway station.

I wish I was a redhead, like my sisters.

I wish I was a redhead, like my sisters.

*poof* you are a ginger - society avoids you, outs you to a small island in the middle of a lake, you become ahermit and all yoru hair falls out.

wish i were thinner

--poofles--

While visiting the Monty pythons flying circus museum, someone pulls the lever and a 16 tonne weight falls on you, creating a very svelte new profile.

I wish that they hadn't cancelled Dollhouse.

I wish that they hadn't cancelled Dollhouse.

Poof!--VOILA!!!

A gignger hermit on a deserted island hacks into your TiVo and reprograms it so that it only records and shows Dollhouse...

I wish I were done with my work.

I wish I were done with my work.

*poof you are jobless and homeless*

i wish mel gibson were not crazy

i wish mel gibson were not crazy

*poof* the new, sane Mel hosts his own TV talk show.

I wish I could wear stilettos.

deer of the dawn wrote:I wish I could wear stilettos.

you wear stilletos, a bustier and leopard print panties to your new job as charlie sheen's newest 'babysitter.'

i wish i were off tomorrow.

Your wish is not hard to corrupt,
since everybody knows that you're a bit "off" everyday!

I wish my wife's cancer would disappear.

I wish my wife's cancer would disappear.

>poof< you now have cancer...

i wish i wasn't left to answer that last one.

*POOF*
YOU now have cancer. (Wow, I feel really mean.)

I wish everything was sunshine and rainbows all the time.