Kevin's Watch

I am annoyed, at myself for being easily manipulated, and at the person who manipulated me.
It was 9pm, and I got a phone call from a friend of mine, not a particularly close friend but somebody I hang out with every once in a while (most recently the night before last when we went mini-golfing and I sold her my old bike for the ridiculously high price of $20). She asked me to go biking with her. Now, it was after dark and she lives 40 minutes away if I take the freeway, which I am uncomfortable doing at night, so I told her flat out that I would not do any such thing until morning. She then spent the next several minutes arguing with me trying to convince me to agree to her plans, despite my insistence that it was extremely unsafe (my bike doesn't have reflectors, too many people get hit by cars while biking at night, I'm not familiar enough with her part of town, etc.). So she decided that I needed to drive to her house so we can go on a walk. I tried arguing with her about this one too, because it was so late at night. After a while it seemed to me that such insistence must mean that something was wrong that she didn't want to talk about over the phone, because we had been discussing this for so long and I obviously was not agreeing with her, so I decided to go after all. I drove through 45 minutes of construction to get to her house (which I had to look up on google maps to find), only to discover that all that was wrong was that she was bored. We went on a walk in neighborhoods I was not comfortable in. I helped her adjust the bike I sold her before, because she had forgotten my instructions for reattaching the front wheel (it took me less than 30 seconds to do exactly what I had described and shown to her at least three times before). I drove home through more construction, with nothing good on the radio. I didn't get home until midnight. I could have been reading my new Patricia McKillip book and eating raspberry-pineapple jello.

Menolly wrote:*waving*
nice to see you in this thread, Stevie

Thanks - looks like is astigmatism-city here...

Wyldewode wrote:I wear toric soft lenses that I replace every 4-6 weeks (when I remember).

I think I must have the same - 4-6 weeks sounds about right. I haven't changed my last ones for ... must be about 6 months now - hope it doesn't do too much damage!

Well, Auleliel, this incident shows your good character. You have a generous spirit. Your friend's selfishness may cost her more dearly in the end (if you believe in karma).

And what is going on with us astigmatics? Starting to wonder if We the Screwy-Eyed form a statistically significant portion of the Watch population.

Heh, maybe it's time for a poll, MM! <ali looks screwy-eyed>

aliantha wrote:Heh, maybe it's time for a poll, MM!

Quick, get on the Jacob Raver hotline!

CovenantJr wrote:

aliantha wrote:Heh, maybe it's time for a poll, MM!

Quick, get on the Jacob Raver hotline!

I may be post-Jenn, but not Jacob!

matrixman wrote:Well, Auleliel, this incident shows your good character. You have a generous spirit. Your friend's selfishness may cost her more dearly in the end (if you believe in karma).

And what is going on with us astigmatics? Starting to wonder if We the Screwy-Eyed form a statistically significant portion of the Watch population.

I guarantee I have the worst astigmatism of anyone here. I swear to God, if my optometrist uses the football analogy one more time......

I have fantastic eyesight, especially for someone my age-12!!

Taking off for the long weekend, will be compless-have fun and do what Av tells you! (yeah right)

I just recovered from a nasty pink eye. Now the throat hurts like I'm swallowing razor blades and I feel like getting a cold. Won't do antibiotics twice in such a short time so I "invented" a herbal tea which I'm convinced will help. Sage leaves, stalk of lemon grass, rind of an orange, a chunk of ginger, dried cranberries and dried barberries, brought to boil in water and removed from heat, a few minutes to infuse then strained in a mug and added a bit of fresh lime juice. Taste is great and sage, ginger and the berries are rather potent if it comes to infections and the plus of Vitamin C can't do any harm either ...

And I am a farsighted guy with astigmatism as well ...

matrixman wrote:Well, Auleliel, this incident shows your good character. You have a generous spirit. Your friend's selfishness may cost her more dearly in the end (if you believe in karma).

And what is going on with us astigmatics? Starting to wonder if We the Screwy-Eyed form a statistically significant portion of the Watch population.

Thanks, MM. What a lovely way to look at the situation. I don't feel half so bad about it now.

While I need glasses for my farsightedness, I do not have astigmatism, so I cannot join your club.

Auleliel wrote: While I need glasses for my farsightedness, I do not have astigmatism, so I cannot join your club.

Yeah, but not having astigmatism is a good thing...isn't it?

Vader, whether or not your tea helps, it sure sounds awesome.

I am feeling like crap, because I'm afraid, afraid, terrified of opening up to people IRL.

I've always had this nasty tendency to "sit on" my problems when I've done something wrong (or when I have some ugly things in my heart), or when I'm feeling most needy, and then tell people about it all AFTERWARDS. This makes people think you're such a great person, but it can leave you alone in the dark for a long time.

Well, now I think I've traced an increase in isolating myself from friendships ...back to a time when one major focus of my life became trying to "be there" for a friend online who was talking about suicide. That was one of the darkest times of my life. I'm not thinking *about* it so much, but it's making me cry.

I am scared. One of my friends in a Bible study talked about how her mom was so upset about moving from Cinncinatti (where she had ALOT of great friendships she left behind) that she didn't form any friendships when she got here, and basically STOPPED LIVING LIFE for years and years. What if I let that be me?

But in spite of all this motivation I'm scared, on a gut-level scared, to seek new friends.

Auleliel wrote:I am annoyed, at myself for being easily manipulated, and at the person who manipulated me.

Umm, yeah, being manipulated usually makes me feel this way. Kinda like my soul is being disemboweled. (or maybe dismembered!)

I have been a very easily-manipulated person in my time (and like, manipulative people would be DRAWN to me like bees to honey). I have been breaking free of that over the past few years! I want to tell you it IS possible to break free, (generally takes time, of course) and it's really exciting. It also sometimes allows you to be MORE "THERE for" a manipulative person WITHOUT playing into their game (giving freely instead of having something dragged out of you).

I could recommend a couple REALLY good books, if ya want. (though it might seem like I'm not a very good person to listen to given the other crappy problems I have right now!)

So, Auleliel, did you SAY anything to your friend about this whole thing?

Menolly wrote:Ooo...
any chance of you dropping in on Cag and Carla in Denver, ~Lyr?
If so, give them both a hug for me.

No. . . I didn't contact them because I was convinced that it would be bad timing, what with the baby and all. . . I will be meeting my fiance's family this weekend, but I am certain we will go back to CO again sometime, and when we do we will have to meet up with them.

Wyldewode wrote:

Menolly wrote:Ooo...
any chance of you dropping in on Cag and Carla in Denver, ~Lyr?
If so, give them both a hug for me.

No. . . I didn't contact them because I was convinced that it would be bad timing, what with the baby and all. . . I will be meeting my fiance's family this weekend, but I am certain we will go back to CO again sometime, and when we do we will have to meet up with them.

I would love that. But yeah, this week would be bad timing, as we are trying to keep the number of visitors down because...what is it?...Friday now, and the baby was born Saturday afternoon at 4:12pm after a 25 hour labor. And I'm finally just now sneaking a moment to get online and announce it to this forum. I had it up on Facebook because the family was nagging so insistantly, so I apologize for making you all wait. It's been a crazy long haul.

There was a bit of an issue with jaundice, and him not using his bowels, but that's cleared up now (and boy, has it!). I never realized how in love with him I'd be.
Oh, and I posted pictures over on the What Did You Do This Weekend thread.

But yes, Lyr, the next time you are in town, lemme know. And for all of you, sorry it took me so long to get back to you all. My work is still waiting on baby pictures, but they can wait.

Lina Heartlistener wrote:I am feeling like crap, because I'm afraid, afraid, terrified of opening up to people IRL.

I've always had this nasty tendency to "sit on" my problems when I've done something wrong (or when I have some ugly things in my heart), or when I'm feeling most needy, and then tell people about it all AFTERWARDS. This makes people think you're such a great person, but it can leave you alone in the dark for a long time.

I'm pretty close to the opposite. I am very vocal. If something's wrong, everybody I know, and many people I don't, will know about it in minutes (although I usually don't include other people's names when I'm complaining about them). Although I can understand how difficult it must be to not have somebody you can trust to talk with about your problems. I hope you feel better soon.

I am scared. One of my friends in a Bible study talked about how her mom was so upset about moving from Cinncinatti (where she had ALOT of great friendships she left behind) that she didn't form any friendships when she got here, and basically STOPPED LIVING LIFE for years and years. What if I let that be me?

But in spite of all this motivation I'm scared, on a gut-level scared, to seek new friends.

I believe that if you truly are motivated to prevent such a thing from happening to you, you will find the strength and courage to live life and make friends. You don't have to have a ton of friends to live life. Just make sure that the friends you have are the right ones (I know that sounds really trite after all the posts I've made complaining about my friends lately, but I believe it to be true nonetheless).

Auleliel wrote:I am annoyed, at myself for being easily manipulated, and at the person who manipulated me.

Umm, yeah, being manipulated usually makes me feel this way. Kinda like my soul is being disemboweled. (or maybe dismembered!)

I have been a very easily-manipulated person in my time (and like, manipulative people would be DRAWN to me like bees to honey). I have been breaking free of that over the past few years! I want to tell you it IS possible to break free, (generally takes time, of course) and it's really exciting. It also sometimes allows you to be MORE "THERE for" a manipulative person WITHOUT playing into their game (giving freely instead of having something dragged out of you).

I could recommend a couple REALLY good books, if ya want. (though it might seem like I'm not a very good person to listen to given the other crappy problems I have right now!)

So, Auleliel, did you SAY anything to your friend about this whole thing?

Yes, I did say a few choice words to her when I got to her place, basically indicating that that would be the last time it was going to happen, and that I was not happy about the situation, even though I enjoy her company.
I have been gradually becoming aware of my passiveness, and have been trying to become more assertive without losing my kindness/generosity. It's a rough road, and I don't always succeed (sometimes I get too aggressive or revert back to my passivity), but I hope that with time I will be able to achieve the right balance.
I would love to know about those books you'd recommend. Often the best people to give advice are people who have dealt with similar problems before, so I'll trust your judgment. And I have lots of time for reading this summer.
I'm ready to stop being trampled upon.

Auleliel wrote:(although I usually don't include other people's names when I'm complaining about them).

Very cool on that one... I'm with ya on that.

Auleliel wrote:

I am scared... [someone] basically STOPPED LIVING LIFE for years and years. What if I let that be me?

But in spite of all this motivation I'm scared, on a gut-level scared, to seek new friends.

I believe that if you truly are motivated to prevent such a thing from happening to you, you will find the strength and courage to live life and make friends. You don't have to have a ton of friends to live life. Just make sure that the friends you have are the right ones

This actually WAS just what I needed to hear at the time.... though I didn't buy all of it at once. Perhaps unsurprisingly, my hubby was telling me something similar too. ("You need to look for friends who are equals.")

And well, today I made 2 steps that (I think) were big and brought me great joy. I reached out and talked to someone near me - even about the things that were bothering me - even though it would make me look weak to someone who I didn't want to see me as weak. Well, I was super-blessed by her response to me, though I'm still messed-up.

Another... looked for a spiritual community to support me and where I don't have a "set role" to "play." Met a couple who are really cool, down-to-earth, and woah, quite exuberant! They invited me to call and come over sometime!

My nerves are still fried, (My driving there and back was the worst I've done in awhile.) buuut... I'm not frozen in fear.

Maybe Auleliel and all the rest of y'all just got to hear me when I reached the crisis-point.

I feel great! I woke up in a hotel room with Aliantha and I am gonna spend my afternoon making Lady Tam, Danlo, Damelon, Lucimay, Creator and Aliantha cry like leetle bubbies. I lurve my life. It's a good un.

Auleliel wrote:You don't have to have a ton of friends to live life. Just make sure that the friends you have are the right ones

Excellent advice, Owlie. Several years back, I made a bunch of bad relationship-type decisions in a row -- romantic, platonic-friend-ish, and work-related. I got over the fear of making a bad work-related choice pretty quickly, but it took meeting Watch friends IRL before I got over the fear of picking the wrong people for platonic friendships. And I'm still gun-shy re: romantic relationships.

Auleliel wrote:I'm ready to stop being trampled upon.

Good for you!

I'm saddened by the departure of Aliantha, Tam and Danlo but I still have Damelon to torture mercilessly until Thursday.

Enjoying a sunny day in San Francisco. Checking in from a cafe that has internet access before heading off the the Museum of Modern Art. I'm here to pester Jenn, Luci and Sorus for a couple more days before I head home.