Kevin's Watch

*POOF* Day after day passes in perfect sun-drenched glory. But, you have to go to work. In a walk-in freezer. From dawn to dusk. And it rains every night, in order to maintain the perfection of the days.

I wish for five minutes of laying on cool grass, with the sound of a babbling brook, and no one bothering me and no to-do list in my head.

*SHAZAAM!*

You are laying in the cool grass with the sound of a babbling brook nearby.
Nobody is around to bother you and your mind is clear of all things.
,,,except that annoying earworm running over and over again:
"...Can you tell me how to get,
how to get to Sesame Street..."

What's your wish, Cheval?

Oops.
Maybe should wish for a wish!

Oh well...
My wish is to retire at an early age.
Like right now.

*POOF* Congratulations, you're retired.

But you never could save anything. So you're retired to a nice bridge abutment off of I95, Dumpster-diving for meals.

I wish the whole world would fart at once, in order to satisfy that annoying line in Cheval's sig....

*Br-r-r-r-ap!*

The world is now full of methane gas and everyone has problems getting their breath. Pew!
Good news is that you are able to truthfully blame the person next to you for the rancid odor.
And the nagging question in my sig is FINALLY answered.

I wish I was a genius... and stay sane.

*POOF* You're an utterly sane genius, and it;s so depressing you can't even get out of bed in the morning.

(btw, all the methane would probably destroy the ozone layer, and all life on earth. Don't forget that when you're laying awake at 2am pondering life's mysteries. God knew what He was doing when he staggered them.)

I wish I had a picture of Obama picking his nose in public.

Click!

You have a photo of that very thing. How happy you are now.
But your happiness comes to screeching halt as you realize that the picture was taken
just before he shook hands with you during a campaign.
(Yuck! Hope you washed.)

Wish I was the person that took that photo.

*K-chick!*

You are the person who took the photo. You elatedly upload the picture to several news bureaus to offer it for sale. Suddenly, your computer freezes. Dang. You pick up your cell and dial in a number-- nothing. Land line- dead. As you scratch your head in bewilderment, you hear the thoop-thoop-thoop of a helicopter. Dark-uniformed NSA burst in the front door and you are on your face with your wrists in the small of your back along with some beefcake's knee...

I wish for a fish.

Glub-glub.
You're now a fish.

I wish I had a sister to pick on.

boom! you are the little sister everyone picks on, bad teeth and all!

I wish my feet would stop hurting.

As you walk down the street, your feet fall through a sewer cover and a tribe of piraña demons who live down there eats them off.

I wish for sushi for tomorrows dinner!

*Shazam*

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, despite your abiding love of sushi, it's always tomorrow's dinner that features thinly sliced raw fishy goodness, so since tomorrow never comes, you never actually get to eat a tasty sushi dinner. Ever. For the rest of your life. If only you'd wished for tonight's dinner to be sushi... mind you, if you had, it'd no doubt have turned out to contain fugu and have been prepared by a ham-fisted and blind drunk chef, resulting in your agonised death from poisoning, so maybe you're better off after all.

I wish that someone would subvert this wish of mine.

You wait by the computer eagerly contemplating what wondrous corruption would appear on your screen.

You wait some more. posting is slow on the Watch. Your friend shouts to you to come see Candid Camera. It's to die for. Hurry up already and come! You're torn, you really wanted to see what your corruptor would come up with, but finally run over to see what he's talking about. But you missed it. They're on commercials. You listen to your friend describe the act between gasps of laughter full of envy. It sounds so good. So f&cking good. Why didn't you come. What sort of moron are you?

You drag your feet back to the computer and stare blank eyed some more.

Finally you close the window and open a sudoku-site instead. The page doesn't open. In fact nothing opens. Your internet connection has been terminated. You should've remember to pay the bills on time. You've been cut off and you'll never know what reply your non-wish got. Tears run down your face and you cry out "Why me?! Why????"


I wish it'll stop being scorching hot and summer would suddenly transform into crisp rainy autumn

summer is interrupted by 40 days and 40 nights of rain, rain, down on you - you cling to a giant wooden shoe, you have no idea what to do...

I wish I was Mallory's mad mod

KA-ZAM. You are now Mallory's new mad mod.
But the feeling goes away in a few minutes and you go back
to being the calm meek person that you really are.
After all, anger is not the answer.

My wish is that I get my dream job of getting paid lots of money for doing nothing.

you are now a shoeshiner, making mad tips...
but soon learn you are allergic to the shine rags
and must watch someone else shine those shoes

wish I had some icecream

Due to a blown speaker on my computer,
You are now screaming in agony because it sounded like
you wanted "I Scream".

I wish my blown speaker was repaired.

It has been repaired, but the new components have a resonant frequency that cause it to be sensitive to broadcasts by a local radio station dedicated to playing Rebecca Black songs. Those songs play simultaneously with anything you try to play.

I wish to own a collection of vintage guitars.

while sitting enjoying your vast collection you hear a knock at the door. the fbi has found you and Is ending your thievery ring. enjoy prison.

wish I had faster computer.