Kevin's Watch

Perfect sense, Drew.

Ah hell Drew, I'm so sorry to hear that man. My thoughts, all of our thoughts, are with you both.

And no, there's nothing wrong in feeling that way either. The pregnancy was a stressful time for you, it was something that you were already worried about, and would have caused difficulties in your future if nothing else.

So relief is perfectly natural, just as always when a threatened problem has gone away. the way in which it went away can't stop your natural relief at one less problem. That part of you doesn't think about how it went, only that it is gone.

It's the part that thinks of the how that is feeling guilty.

Be strong man.

--A

*sending positive waves Drew's way*

On a different scale entirely, I am now starting to feel sick with apprehension. Glastonbury festival tickets go on sale on Sunday morning 9am. Whether I get one or not will more or less decide whether I am happy or unhappy for the rest of the year. Sad really isn't it? But there you go. 400000 people have 'registered', there are 187000 tickets for sale, with absolutely no chance of getting a re-sale after sunday, due to anti-touting requirements set up this year.

www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/

Makes abundant sense Drew. Loss and guilt and powerful mates. Hang tough.

My heart has rooms that sigh with dust
And ashes in the hearth.
They must be cleared and blown away
By the daylight's breath.
But I cannot essay the task,
For even dust to me is dear;
For dust and ashes still recall,
My love was here.

I know not how to say Farewell,
When Farewell is the word
That stays alone for me to say
Or will be heard.
But I cannot speak out that word
Or ever let my loved one go:
How can I bear it that these rooms
Are empty so?

I sit among the dust and hope
That dust will cover me.
I stir the ashes in the hearth,
Though cold they may be.
I cannot bear to close the door,
To seal my loneliness away
While dust and ashes yet remain
Of my love's day.

...Seareach out.

Sorry Drew.

And you sound perfectly normal to me. You were very stressed before about your family getting larger, it's impossible NOT to feel the relief from that stress. And it gets mixed with all the other emotions, and you gotta be the man to take care of your wife now, you got no time to work 'em out, and it's just gonna suck a while.

Strength.

drew wrote:

drew wrote:--I'm horrible and confused and a little guilty for these feelings...
More to follow in a couple of days.

Okay so here it is:

Lis had a misscarriage this week.

So I feel horrible. Saddened. I love all my kids, and to think that I'm going to miss out on another one is very disheartening.

The confusion and guilt come from the fact, that I also feel relieved.
I can't help feeling relieved by the fact that I don't have another mouth to feed...and I feel like a bag of shit, because I feel that way!!
Does that make sense?

yes, perfectly understandable under the circumstances.

many hugs to both Lisa and yourself Drewfish.

my heart goes out to you, Drew. don't be too hard on yourself either, everyone deals with loss in their own way. my one word of advice would be to be there as much as you can for your wife, to let her lean on you as much as she needs to. events like this can either bring a couple closer or create distance between them, and you don't want the latter to be the case.

Sorry to hear about your loss, Drew.

I feel out of it today. Stayed up late with a friend last night drinking Bacardi rum and watching Goldfinger. The rum started tasting blech after a few sips, so I mixed it with some Diet Pepsi (didn't have any Diet Coke).

Lord Foul wrote:The rum started tasting blech after a few sips, so I mixed it with some Diet Pepsi (didn't have any Diet Coke).

(I don't think not having any Diet Coke is sufficient excuse for such a mixological abomination. I wag my finger at you. Be more careful next time!)

Wayfriend wrote:

Lord Foul wrote:The rum started tasting blech after a few sips, so I mixed it with some Diet Pepsi (didn't have any Diet Coke).

(I don't think not having any Diet Coke is sufficient excuse for such a mixological abomination. I wag my finger at you. Be more careful next time!)

Actually, it wasn't just Diet Pepsi; it was Pepsi Jazz Caramel Cream. And the rum was the golden, smoky-tasting kind--not the clear kind for mixing.

But yeah: light rum + Diet Coke = my favorite libation. I still need to try rum with Diet Coke Black Cherry Vanilla.

Drew, hang in there and don't worry about all the conflicting feelings, it's perfectly natural and absolutely normal. Hugs to you buddy. On another baby note, my friend Jenny, for those of you familiar with Fantasy Bedtime Hour you know her as Lillith Manethrall, is about 7 months preggers. I just found out that a few days ago her water broke. She's in the hospital now and she and little shlomo are ok. I haven't had a chance to talk to her so I don't know what the process is for something like this. All I know is that they are keeping her in there for awhile. I'm going to try to go see her this weekend.

Cameraman Jenn wrote:Drew, hang in there and don't worry about all the conflicting feelings, it's perfectly natural and absolutely normal. Hugs to you buddy. On another baby note, my friend Jenny, for those of you familiar with Fantasy Bedtime Hour you know her as Lillith Manethrall, is about 7 months preggers. I just found out that a few days ago her water broke. She's in the hospital now and she and little shlomo are ok. I haven't had a chance to talk to her so I don't know what the process is for something like this. All I know is that they are keeping her in there for awhile. I'm going to try to go see her this weekend.

Give her our best CJ! That is a nerve-wracking situation.

We are with you man.

Drew

I felt a similar set of feelings when my mom passed away. I was sad for the loss but I experienced relief too. A great deal of stress has been removed, you will feel relieved, be ok with it. It's very apparent that you love your wife and kids, make sure they all know it.

Lorelei

Sorry Drew We can't help how we feel ... don't beat yourself up for being only human. Your family here supports you too.

Drew--as I said before, you are only a human being. You did nothing to cause the event, and as everyone said, you have a perfect right to feel the way you do--even if your feelings are in direct conflict with one another. Sending good thoughts to you and Lis. And hugs too.

Danlo--so sorry to hear about your mother. You will also be in my thoughts.

As for me, it has been a rather rough week. I haven't been sleeping well at my new place (don't know why), and my commute is already becoming a pain in the behind. Then late Wednesday night I ended up in urgent care with severe abdominal pain on the left side. After spending several hours there, numerous blood tests, a urinalysis, a battery of questions, and a physical exam, I still don't have a conclusive answer.

The leading contenders at this point are: kidney stones or an ovarian cyst. Pancreatitis or a severe side effect from my migraine preventative were also forerunners at one point, but seem to fallen behind.

Anyway, the pain lessened but is still present two days later, and it appears that I will have to go in for further testing to determine my fate.

Did I mention that I have really terrible insurance?

Ok, compared to the serious grief others have been experiencing, my gripe is very minor. But I feel enraged enough to stab the next bus driver I see, so I need to vent.

I was going to visit a friend in Doncaster for a long-planned three-day marathon of the entire Nightmare On Elm Street series and the entire Friday 13th series. With beer, naturally. So I booked a train for 6.37am, to get in as much viewing and beer as possible, and to avoid the peak time fares. Unfortunately, I was relying on the bus to get me to the train station.

The 6.13 bus didn't show. Nor did the 6.28. Or the 6.43. Or the 7.12. It's now 7.23, and I've lost my train fare and given up on ever reaching Doncaster. Maybe I should go back to bed.

If I ever find out who was driving those buses...

CovenantJr wrote:Ok, compared to the serious grief others have been experiencing, my gripe is very minor. But I feel enraged enough to stab the next bus driver I see, so I need to vent.

I was going to visit a friend in Doncaster for a long-planned three-day marathon of the entire Nightmare On Elm Street series and the entire Friday 13th series. With beer, naturally. So I booked a train for 6.37am, to get in as much viewing and beer as possible, and to avoid the peak time fares. Unfortunately, I was relying on the bus to get me to the train station.

The 6.13 bus didn't show. Nor did the 6.28. Or the 6.43. Or the 7.12. It's now 7.23, and I've lost my train fare and given up on ever reaching Doncaster. Maybe I should go back to bed.

If I ever find out who was driving those buses...

That sounds rather big to me. So sorry that the bus drivers are snoozing on the job this morning. I hope that something works out for you.

Thanks, I feel a little better for ranting here. I'm still kicking inanimate objects though.