Kevin's Watch

Hashi --

I think it's fairly common in our culture for men to have few close RL friends. Pretty sure there have been studies done about this. Women seem to thrive on that sort of thing, but men rely on the women in their lives to maintain those social ties for them.

And I'm starting to see studies now that indicate that intarwebz friendships are every bit as strong, and important to mental health, as the RL variety are. So I think you're fine, Hashi.

Hashi-

Speaking for myself, I've found more meaning and satisfaction in my life when I've cut myself off from family and friends

It's a balancing act... at one point, my main concern is cutting myself off completely from society and descending into madness... on the other, everybody is so...damn....tedious....what a lot of people care about means nothing me and what I care about means nothing to them.

Relationships require a bunch of effort, so it is really important to recognize when it is worth it and when it's just a waste of time and energy.

Hashi Lebwohl wrote:No damn green text schtick right now. The mother of my wife's best friend died--we are going to the funeral tomorrow--so she asked me "don't you have a friend who is closer to you than your brothers?" So I thought about it for a minute and replied, truthfully, "no". I have acquaintances at work but they don't know me and I have acquaintances here but Hashi isn't Hashi when he isn't online so that doesn't count, either. Right now I am flipping back and forth between regret for always walking away and/or not bothering to have friends and indifference because I've made it this far being self-sufficient so I can handle the future, as well.

Ironically, there isn't anyone else I can say this to, so I get to dump on you (the inclusive and generic "you", not the personal "you").

How does the saying go? If you want a friend, be a friend.

aliantha wrote:And I'm starting to see studies now that indicate that intarwebz friendships are every bit as strong, and important to mental health, as the RL variety are. So I think you're fine, Hashi.

Yeah, after all, if it wasn't the case, you wouldn't have told us about it. Strangers are great. They have no expectations.

--A

Hashi - you live in Texas. I live in Texas. if you ever want to meet I am sure it can be worked out.

I am still friends with my first girlfriend from some 25 years ago. Julie is cool with it. it is an odd thing though, it didn't end well. and bless Julie for realizing I wanted to fix that and allowing for it to happen.

well that friend's mom is dying. could be very soon. I always liked her mom and the two of us lived with her. her mom always liked me as well. so prayers and such welcomed.

my best friend in Texas for the past 16 or so years did something that I won't discuss. but I had to cut him off completely. I didn't even get to tell him I was cutting him off.

my best friend in New Hampshire and I keep in contact via facebook. but I really miss having that guy friend. my best friend in Vermont and I also keep in touch with facebook, but in truth his girlfriend and I converse more than I do with him.

I have friends all over that I keep in touch with because of here or facebook.

on Sunday I get sent back to the trusty camp, but the same shift. without even a thanks for uprooting my life once again to help them out.

I need to so win the lottery.

Then it's working like that from their side maybe.

--A

Hashi, I may be late to the table since it seems your angst has passed but oh well. I have learned recently that real friendships are few and very far between. When I left my job all my friends, well most of them, left with it. I am ok with that. Real, genuine friendships are work. Not to sound too corny but they have to be tended, like a garden. I am less willing to do that these days. I have a few good friends and that's it. But I know I need more quality friendships. I only realized it recently. But I have also learned that until I learn to like myself more there is no room for more genuine friends. So I am working on being friends with myself. Not an easy task, let me tell you.

Had my father here for a week. Talk about a task. He is not an easy person to like. I have so many issues with him that I keep wrapped up and pushed down that I am like an atomic bomb. And he has boundary issues. Says very very inappropriate things to me. But I am such a wet noodle I don't say anything. Anyway I am exhausted from the visit. So today I spend the day sterilizing my house and eliminating traces of him.

On the 28th I am going to Snow Farm again. I love it there. Craft working during the day and time for writing and reading at night. I would spend the whole fall there if I could afford it. I am taking a metal clay workshop. Very interesting stuff, metal clay. You form it like clay, fire it and it comes out as pure bronze (or silver) I want to learn how to integrate it with the glass I work with.


Only problem is that you need a different kiln for this clay. Can't mix kilns.

Had a pretty difficult week all in all, so we're going to jump in the car when I finish work and drive to Hilton Head for a couple of days (about a 4 hour drive from here).

Nice quiet place with beaches and low on the stress count.

lorin wrote:Had my father here for a week. Talk about a task. He is not an easy person to like. I have so many issues with him that I keep wrapped up and pushed down that I am like an atomic bomb. And he has boundary issues. Says very very inappropriate things to me. But I am such a wet noodle I don't say anything. Anyway I am exhausted from the visit. So today I spend the day sterilizing my house and eliminating traces of him.

" so many issues with him that I keep wrapped up and pushed down that I am like an atomic bomb..." <-- I've never seen that when I've looked in the mirror. (Oh, wait.)
*HUG*, girl.

lorin wrote:On the 28th I am going to Snow Farm again. I love it there. Craft working during the day and time for writing and reading at night. I would spend the whole fall there if I could afford it.

lorin wrote:Very interesting stuff, metal clay. You form it like clay, fire it and it comes out as pure bronze (or silver)...

*droooool, drool*
SUCH a yummy-sounding medium to work in......

is pretty.

I've heard of that stuff, lorin. Maybe from you, or maybe from another friend who's been working a lot with polymer clay lately. It sounds awesome.

And I'm glad you survived the week with your dad. I know whereof you speak. I had to get some distance from my brother -- both distance and time -- before I could speak up to him.

Hashi Lebwohl wrote:Merely a momentary lapse and an ephemeral weakness. It won't happen again...

...until the next time it happens.

Mong, it doesn't always work like that. There have been many times when I extended my hand first only to be snubbed later on.

That's true, some people are not good candidates. So you'll have to use some discretion. But I'm pretty sure that just the right group of acerbic Monty Python loving intellectual smartasses is out there in real life with a Hashi sized hole in it, feeling both inexplicable loss and melancholia but not quite knowing why. Perhaps you should take Hashi out for a walk from time to time instead of keeping him bottled up in here. You never know what might come of that.

I should also point out that some of the people I esteem most highly in life are people I once despised, sometimes for lengthy periods. Some people have a hard shell, but once you break through it, the reward far outweighs the trouble. I suspect you might fall into that category too.

mongnihilo wrote:But I'm pretty sure that just the right group of acerbic Monty Python loving intellectual smartasses is out there in real life with a Hashi sized hole in it, feeling both inexplicable loss and melancholia but not quite knowing why.

p'raps I don't really belong nosing in on this conversation... but I think the idea that maybe "just the right group of acerbic... etc., etc., is out there in real life..." is great!

lorin wrote:

Ooo, that's gorgeous.

Menolly wrote:

lorin wrote:

Ooo, that's gorgeous.

Yep, I agree. Just so we are clear......I didn't make that. Its just an example.

lorin wrote:
Had my father here for a week. Talk about a task. He is not an easy person to like. I have so many issues with him that I keep wrapped up and pushed down that I am like an atomic bomb. And he has boundary issues. Says very very inappropriate things to me. But I am such a wet noodle I don't say anything. Anyway I am exhausted from the visit. So today I spend the day sterilizing my house and eliminating traces of him.

My father is the opposite, The two of us together produce the most awkward small talk on this planet. He's a complete stranger to me.
Family, eh?

lorin wrote:On the 28th I am going to Snow Farm again. I love it there. Craft working during the day and time for writing and reading at night. I would spend the whole fall there if I could afford it. I am taking a metal clay workshop. Very interesting stuff, metal clay. You form it like clay, fire it and it comes out as pure bronze (or silver) I want to learn how to integrate it with the glass I work with.


Only problem is that you need a different kiln for this clay. Can't mix kilns.

I'd never heard of metal clay. That necklace is beautiful.

I would share what he said to me but then I would be violating my own boundaries. I don't really feel like I have any immediate family, never did.


That jewelry piece is inspiring me to make something like a 'one tree' with dichroic behind it. Only thing is I can't afford the silver metal clay and have to work in bronze or copper.

actually with bronze and copper you can do some interesting patinas.

lorin wrote:I would share what he said to me but then I would be violating my own boundaries. I don't really feel like I have any immediate family, never did.

lorin wrote:actually with bronze and copper you can do some interesting patinas.

More drooling from me! I think those are both really neat & pretty.
Did you make those, or are they samples of how awesome this medium can be?

Those are absolutely beautiful, lorin!

those are examples of where I want to go NOT something I did. I wish.....