Kevin's Watch

*ASCII*

You now have a very fast computer.
While you had your back turned, it sprouted legs & feet and now runs so fast that you cannot catch it.
It is very freaky-looking now and is scaring all the neighbors.
Shame on you for wishing for such a cyborg.
On a positive note: you are so ready for Halloween!

I wish I had a better-paying job.

You are suddenly surprised when your company merges with a Japanese company and they tell you that you will earn 200 grand a year!!!

Unfortunately that is in Japanese Yen, so your annual salary is now $2,000.

I wish I could retire early and not have to work anymore.

Your wish comes true...
all because as you were crossing the street, a car plows into you and shatters both your legs.
No more work for you and are forced into retirement.
On the positive side: you can collect disability.

I wish I could visit the hospital while Michaelm recovering from the accident. (Cheer-up session)

Oh, too easy....
You visit michaelm and have a lovely, cheerful visit.
Unfortunately, on the way out, you run into a nurse who was infected with Ebola, and she sneezes on you. You end up spending way more time in the hospital than you had originally anticipated. (But you pull through in the end! )

I wish I could eat anything and not gain an ounce.

The same driver who ran into me is trying to get to work in a hurry and he plows into you without noticing, but separating the top and bottom halves of you. Now any food you eat will simply fall straight out of your esophagus and onto the floor. No more ounces gained!

I wish my company provided better quality coffee at work.

Your company starts providing really good coffee. They also start deducting $5 per cup from your paycheck.

I wish I could have a week off.

It's October, so I plow, sow and water the whole of my field. To mess it up, a climate anomaly comes and the high 30s with it, for 10 days.

(true story)

I wish I could muster the patience to go back to my daily workout routine. Hint: not under 30 degrees and hordes of horseflies.

Sorry, Morning. Your new workout routine involves a daily workout in a horsefly-infested field.

I wish my latest knitting project was already finished.

Your kniting projecis now completed!
Too bad the project was for leatherworking. Epic fail!

I wish there were something good on TV worth watching.
(57 channels, but nothing's on. - Bruce Springsteen)

You find an awesome new channel, and stop sleeping because you're afraid you'll miss something.

I wish my workplace would stop playing Xmas music.

They stop playing Xmas music and put in a larger, louder sound system to play Hanukkah music instead.

Been looking online and thinking about buying a (good quality) sitar - I wish they were less expensive.

*POOF*
You find a good quality sitar at a reasonable price, can't resist buying it, and miss a mortgage payment.

I wash I could be loaded with muscles after only doing five push-ups.

"I wash I could be loaded with muscles after only doing five push-ups."

CREATE TABLE Test_ISNULL

(Col1 int NOT NULL,

Col2 int NULL,

Col3 AS ISNULL(Col2, Col1) PRIMARY KEY);

go

CREATE TABLE Test_COALESCE

(Col1 int NOT NULL,

Col2 int NULL,

Col3 AS COALESCE(Col2, Col1) PRIMARY KEY);

Guess my typo means I was wishy-washy about my wish!

I wish I could turn back time enough to eliminate all my typos.

your typos fixed, my answer vanishes. my post count dangerously low I go on a Mallory's binge, rupturing a tendon in my wrist, making me miss a week of worth, missing the Thanksgiving holiday at work. in retaliation my boss schedules me every holiday (major and minor) in the coming year.

wish I had more comic books

You receive a truckload of new comics. They're all in Sanskrit.

I wish it would rain more here.

It rains so much your hometown washes away.
I wish I had a perfect memory.

*POOF*
Your now perfect memory is driving you insanely mad
because the only memories you have are about the terrible things
that has happened in your life.
Sucks to be you.

I wish I could see 1 day into the future.

Your wish has been granted - unfortunately it was granted yesterday...

I wish I could take the day off work today.

Easy... you FIRED!
Take all the time off you want.
You just won't get any pay.

I wish I discovered a cure for cancer.