Kevin's Watch

Avatar wrote:What Fist said.

--A

Yes.
And yes to Lorin's advice.

And something close to 20% of people managing chemotherapy suffer depression. [and anxiety is another common one...and unfortunately sometimes both together].

But mostly, yes to Lorin's advice---even if it ISN't outright depression, just
a rough time and sapped strength.

Vraith wrote: Yes.
And yes to Lorin's advice.

And something close to 20% of people managing chemotherapy suffer depression. [and anxiety is another common one...and unfortunately sometimes both together].

But mostly, yes to Lorin's advice---even if it ISN't outright depression, just
a rough time and sapped strength.

I feel so special when you agree with me. All warm and fuzzy.....and smart

Linna, do as I say, not as I do. Don't isolate. Come back and talk (write).

lorin wrote:Linna, do as I say, not as I do. Don't isolate. Come back and talk (write).

Okay, saying that was insightful.
(You're not gonna run away if more than one person implies you're capable/competent, are you? )

I'm not going to do the seeking a group, or therapy or a nutritionist just now.
Right now, all I can imagine is: "it's another thing to drive to and I would meet a whole bunch of people I don't know." or "I get one or two things per day. It will use up one of them."
I know; it's something to do when things aren't so horrible, so if things get really rough, you have the rhythm in place already.

(though a nutritionist is something I haven't really thought about a whole lot.)

On the other hand, family and friends have been good to me.
We could be accepting more help right now though.
Hmm.

Thank you Fist, Av, michaelm, and vraith.

michaelm- I think I should say more to what you said sometime...

lorin wrote:I feel so special when you agree with me. All warm and fuzzy.....and smart

Linna, do as I say, not as I do. Don't isolate. Come back and talk (write).

On the first---I'm both laughing and being flattered right now [the first cuz maybe you're poking me, and if so it's a good one, the second cuz, well...it's kinda pleasant-yet-humbling/embarrassing when someone says something like that]

On the second, get warm fuzzy and smart-feeling again.
Yes to that, too. I'd bet, Linna, if travel and time aren't in the cards that there are online/live-chat, maybe even skype-ish options. And I'd bet someone involved with your treatment knows who/how to hook up with them...even if you just sit silently/witness from home in spare moments and don't participate, it can help.
You don't sound desperate...but you sure don't want to end up there.
Prophylaxis.

Linna, I've got nothing to add to what everyone else has said, except:

michaelm, you get one, too. Thanks for trusting us with your story.

Okay, I'm gonna jump back on this thread.

Noticed:
* Being really ashamed about having failed at stuff I needed to get done... still doesn't get that stuff done. And then when it goes longer like that, who wants to deal with it then?

deer, in 'how do you feel today: the thread' wrote:...For me I realized today that I like my rut...

I noticed I'm like this too sometimes when depressed.
I think it's like I'm thinking, "Well, people can't blame me for failing to do stuff while depressed.. but when I'm better, I'll have to deal with stuff again, and then I'll really have to 'pay the piper'!"

Well, some good things have been happening.. 'fessed up to a friend about something where I messed up with something dumb. (did not want to tell her because I felt like I'm being the "irresponsible friend")
I read some things that are beautiful, and they got through to me some.
talked to a friend this morning.
grappled with teaching a kid math today, after I'd been avoiding it. (yay!)
maybe I'm coming out of the slump.. (unless I don't get enough sleep tonight, and then...!)

I've been silently saying to myself "Not Depressed!" for weeks now; I think it's time to admit I'm depressed.

and anxious.
No matter what I am doing, I am usually feeling guilty because it's plausible that what I "should" be doing is something else.
The main exceptions to this are:
* tutoring and
* driving (mostly to tutoring)
Visiting with a friend, once we get into serious conversation, also counts.

but other than that I am generally in a continual state of being anxious / second guessing how I spend every second. all day long.

And I outlaw myself from fun things that I want to do because I've not gotten done with the responsible things I need to do.
or maybe I should call them 'things I "need" to do.'
(It's amazing how long some of these things can go undone!)

Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final

(Rainer Maria Rilke quote from the end of the film JoJo Rabbit)

Try to be in the moment. Accomplish what you are doing to the best of your ability at that moment.

Could you have conceivably done it better - maybe. But if we were to always wait until we are at the most ideal place/time/condition for a task almost all tasks would be put off forever. Do it at the best of your ability at that moment and try to learn lessons on improving for the future.

Now about doing something A versus something B and which is better? That is trickier. Lets say we determine something B is "more" important but off we go and do something A. Why did we delay something B? - time, location, ability to do alone versus with others, feelings of inadequacy?
This is where we as humans can improve is asking the right questions to get the core and understand the underlying reasons. We sometimes get so caught up beating ourselves up on thinking that we should be doing something else. When we could take some of that beating up time and allocate it to why? questions.

I think as a general rule the thing you want to be doing least is the thing you should be doing most.

Thank you guys.

peter- thanks for the lovely quote.

sam wrote:Why did we delay something B? - time, location, ability to do alone versus with others, feelings of inadequacy?
This is where we as humans can improve is asking the right questions to get the core and understand the underlying reasons.

Yep, there's something to this.
Sometimes I'm just not conscious that the reason I'm not doing "Thing B" is that there's a prereq. that has not been fulfilled.

But I often fear that the prereq is "I HAVE to write to my sister." or "I have to admit to my dad that I screwed up about this one thing."

peter wrote:I think as a general rule the thing you want to be doing least is the thing you should be doing most.

I've heard that one for "what to do first."
As in, tackle the job you're most dreading first.

OTOH, sometimes long-term things have worked out for me by taking a roundabout path.
I've often been plagued with guilt for not communicating with my dad for long spans of time.
Talking with people here on the Watch was something I was very motivated to do (though it's often felt like, "noooo... I shouldn't be spending time on the Watch - I'm not being responsible!").
But as things have worked out, I think the practice of listening to & engaging people who come from very different POV's than me has "wrapped around" and improved my ability to communicate with my dad.

On the other other hand-
I think that wouldn't have actually used my newfound skills to communicate with my dad if I hadn't "kept alive the fire" of wanting to see our relationship improve. (As that thread you once made said, and as SRD said before, "Guilt is power?!??")

A lot of my struggles with depression involve communicating (or not communicating) with people.
I keep thinking of trying to reach out to someone about either:
A. Getting together as friends, or
B. Starting a project
...but I'm afraid I will sound desperate and needy (in the case of friendship) or weak & lacking confidence (in the case of "project") and repel them.
(I'm afraid it will just BE THERE in my tone, regardless of how carefully I think things out.)
Or even if I do start a conversation, I will suppress all sorts of things that are on my mind and would be useful to the work (in the case of "project") or to our lives (in the case of a friend)... and basically be passive.

Ah well.
This week, I've gotten around SOME of those problems by "just showing up."
When I realized I was driving right past a friend's house, I turned the car around, and showed up at her door. (She was a close enough friend that this wasn't weird.)
And just hanging out and catching up without talking about my depression & discouragement.
(My friend was delighted!)

How do you usually communicate with your father? Letter, email, phone call?

I've found that it helps to start something, even if you don't have the full thing mapped out. Think of it like writing a story. Throw together a rough draft. A few lines that you can flesh out. The thing you need to say, some filler, maybe an entertaining anecdote.

I struggle with this too. My father wasn't a part of my life when I was growing up. I saw him a few times a year until I was 12, and then we didn't speak again until I was almost 30. I never know what to say. But getting started, even if it's just putting down a rote greeting, can move the anxiety level from I need to do this to I am working on this.

I'm terrible at communicating with friends. I always expect them to make the first move. If X wanted to do something with me, they'd ask. X is probably wondering why I never ask them.

Formalising a day for seeing a friend is a good way of overcoming the difficulty of 'just turning up' and is easy to set up in conversation when it turns (as it always does ) to "we don't get together enough", or whatever. Either out and about or at one of your respective homes, a couple of hours for a coffee and a chat on the "first Thursday" of every month. This way you both know what and when in advance. Do this with a few of your friends in common and soon you become the 'hub' around which the group revolves.

Have you been diagnosed with Depression or Anxiety or anything? Our DNA does anoying things to us. Mine built my eyes in such a way that light is not focused on the retina correctly. The image is blurry. I need glasses.

Other people's DNA tells the body to release chemicals in amounts that cause certain feelings. Knowing that the situation should not be producing these feelings does not help. Knowing the chemical mixture is responsible for the negative feelings does not help. Fixing the chemical mixture helps.