C:Whoa! Say. What's with the wok?
AB: Well, the wok's kind of the ideal squid-cooking vessel, Chuck. And it's also really great for tailgating.
C: What makes it so special?
AB: Well, two things. For one, the metal. The very best woks which are also some of the cheapest, are actually made out of a high carbon steel and it's an excellent heat conductor. But the real secret's the shape. This bowl shape means that no matter what you have in it pools down to the bottom which is closest to the fire so you can cook large amounts, you can cook small amounts, doesn't matter. Oh, did I mention stir frying? Because this is the stir frying pan.
C: You know, I tried that once but it really didn't taste, um, right.
AB: Well, you probably didn't have any
wok hey.
C: Oh, where can I get some?
AB: Um, no. It's, it's a word. It's a Chinese term that means
the flavor of the wok.
C: Okay, but where can I get some?
AB: Oh, well, there's only one way to get
wok hey and that's heat, lots of heat.
AB: Gentleman, why can't you get
wok hey at home?
N: Wok what?
C: It's the flavor of the wok. Come on.
AB: You can't get
wok hey at home because the average home range burner doesn't have enough oomph to get a wok really, really hot. This does, just an outdoor burner from a turkey fryer setup. I think this is going to revolutionize tailgating.
C: Yeah, this is all great. But shouldn't we look for Patty?
AB: Let the aroma of our stir fry lead her home.
N: Do you need this
[fire extinguisher]?
AB: Oh, I hope not. But if you're going to play with fire, you've got to be protected. Are we clear on this?
C & N: Crystal.
AB: Okay, good. Now this is the procedure for lighting this bad boy.
- Number 1: all tubes are tightly connected.
Number 2: valves are in the off position.
There's always going to be two valves: the one on the tank and one in between the tank and the burner. Okay? Next we open the valve on top of the tank, right? But this one's still closed. Next we apply fire to the burner. Do not use a short lighter. Use a long lighter or a long match. And always bring your hand in underneath. Okay?
[imitates what would happen if your hand was on top] Aaaah! Brrrggggh!
C & N: [chuckle]
AB: Also, don't look down. Okay? You're not going to like the view very much. What are on?
Number 5 now? Number 5: light and then slowly open the valve. Take your time. There. Now. That is a big flame. But it's a yellow flame. That means it's pretty but it's ineffective combustion so it's not as hot as it could be. So, reach down on the side of the burner you'll find a little disk. Turn it. It's the carburetor. And just turn it until the flame is as blue as the back end of a F-16. Gentlemen. Wok this way.
AB: A stir fry is not so much a recipe as it is a procedure. That means there's an order to things which is ...
N: [tries to interrupt]]
AB: ... this is important ... there's an order to things and you've got to stick with that order if you're really going to have a stir fry. Now a stir fry is also a lot like a, um, a chain reaction. It happens very ...
N: [tries to interrupt]]
AB: ... just a second ... it happens very, very quickly. And once it starts there isn't any stopping it. It's like a roller coaster. You get in the car, the bar comes down, you pull out of the station. You're committed. That is ...
N: [tries to interrupt]]
AB: ... just a second ... that is what stir frying is. You are committed. This means that we must be fully prepared. All the ingredients must be laid out, pre-chopped, pre-sliced, pre-measured, ready to go. Even your serving pieces had better be in place because once this starts ...
N: [tries to interrupt]]
AB: ... what!?
N: Um, shouldn't we put something in it? Some oil or something?
AB: Ned, one of the major tenets of stir frying is the wok must heat alone.
C: I think it's starting to glow.
N: Cool.
AB: Indeed. I would say that we're ready to cook a little thing I call Squid Vicious…
Compared to homemade using Greek yogurt for the starter, the Dannon was *way* too sour.
