Kevin's Watch

Of course there was that time that I stole Tadhg's wax monkey candle. Then hid clues around the city and made him go to embarrassing places and say embarrassing things culminating in a three month torture session which ended with a beach bonfire party at which he had to choose which monkey candle was actually his and fight the holder for it.

You told me about that. So very cruel.

lurch wrote:..here..just to make the sharp little teeth of Spite easier to feel,,

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RgL2MKfWTo

Damn Jenn, are you sure we both didn't go to the same School of Devious Planning?
I have done some nasty things also, but nothing that I will confess to just yet, due to pending investigations.

One of the lesser evils is putting pieces of raw fish in someone's hubcaps on their work van.
Nothing was really noticable until a few days later, and then it took him 2 or 3 days afterwords to locate the awful stench.
Oh, and it was a mess to clean also. (So I was told)

A bushel of crabs under a pickup's bedcover works well too.

On the theme of car pranks, once in the Rescue Service there was this guy who'd come down for the first time in ages and was being a real jerk. I was fed up of listening to him, so I waited until he went out on watch, then grabbed his car keys and a barrel of our marine two-stroke oil, which I poured into the air filter on his car.

I then waited until the end of the day when we were about to leave, he finally got in the car and tried to start it but nothing happened. I'd overdone it and the starter wouldn't even turn over. After a couple of failed attempts I thought I was going to be disappointed, but someone chimed in "give it some gas!" and the car immediately disappeared inside a huge cloud of blue smoke!

When he came back the following week, he reported that the car would still dump a load of smoke whenever he put his foot down. We told him it was probably the valve stem oil seals and he should get it checked out, which resulted in one of the local mechanics gouging him for a day's labour when all he did was top up the oil and clean the air filter!

Cameraman Jenn wrote:Those things were half a lifetime ago. I'm old and soft and apathetic now....

Yeah me too.

Funny though about the following spiteful fish stories.

I also placed several large fish on the engine block of a fellow employee.
His car stunk and he couldn't figure it out.
What made it even funnier was the fact that the building where we were located had several feral cats in the area.
So for 3 days every time he was parked at work we could look out and see a few cats sniffing his car!

Yeah. Who knew how many people sabotaged cars in their lifetimes.

as noted elsewhere,, today has been rather dark in its humor. So after a noir monday at work, i go grocery shopping,,and find myself behind one of those customers,,at the deli,,who ..well..isn't like every one else in the middle of the bell curve. Available food is visible right there in the glass front display case..." do you have any bbq beans? I'd like some bbq beans...the clerk answers,,no hun,,we ran out..." The customer stands there silent for 10 seconds,,,then asks,, " do you have any creme corn?..I 'd like some creme corn..".Again,, the clerck...No hun, I don't see any there, i guess we don't carry that....This goes on for 5 or 10 minutes...So,, instead of becoming irate and frustrated,,I begin to laff,,The clerks know me and are taking note of my joyous embrace of the absurd. The gal needed some help and the clerks and I started pointing out what the deli Did have for sale. " do you like coleslaw? Look, they have some delicious coleslaw..Corn dog? Do you like corn dogs? Yea,, with mustard!,,They have some really good ones here. She was happy when she left with her corn dog and coleslaw. So were we.

Sounds like the cheese shop sketch from Monty Python.

Except nobody got shot.

I gave an elderly lady my seat on the bus today. I was half tempted to kick the teenage kid sitting next to me and make him give up his seat but I restrained myself. Does that count as two good deeds?

I have a customer who constantly dickers over price and he was annoying me this morning by being excessively demanding so after having to go over the first job on the list of jobs he needed I went and added a tenth of labor to all the subsequent jobs so he paid for my time as well. But that was only three tenths of an hour and I literally spent fifty minutes going over stuff with him.

Cameraman Jenn wrote:Does that count as two good deeds?

Counts as 1.5. It would have been two if you had actually kicked him.

AjK wrote:

Cameraman Jenn wrote:Does that count as two good deeds?

Counts as 1.5. It would have been two if you had actually kicked him.

That is exactly what I was thinking, but you posted first!

He was bigger than me and looked like he might be troublesome. I was tired and not feeling up to matriarchal manners lessons.

Taking that into account, I think we can up the score to 1.7.

I mean we all have had them. Where something is going on in our immediate environment and we make the conscious choice,,to not get involved. More importantly , this thread can be like a confessional, in giving an outlet for any guilt or reasoning for the decision made.

The following example is strange in its weirdness,,and yes its back to the deli.
Perhaps I should compile all the strange observations I've had over the years at the deli into a ..Tales of Deli,,short stories anthology. Anyway, i can't help but noticing for over year now,,a very strange " odd couple" showing up at the deli . At least 3 times I've been there at the same time as these two,,in the last 6 months. They are hard to forget. Two males. One is younger Afro American. One is ..a caucasian,,maybe in his 30's. Here comes the odd. The caucasian is ivory white, bald,no..shiney bald, stands no more than 5 feet if that and ,,at least every time I have seen him , wears the same short sleeve zippered up front spando body suit in tones of blue, grey and white,,with matching slip on booties . The guy is always clean shaven but has a full grey tone from ear to ear,,and his legs are shaven too...To be honest the young black guy..looks like he just came off a park bench from underneath the newspapers. Hair is a mess, with bits of lint in it, Clothes are dirty and frumpled. Now here comes the strange shit.
The black guy always does the ordering. As he orders ,,the white guy jumps straight up and down with his hands over his head like a cheerleader, when the black guy orders ,,apparently something the white guy really wants. Mash potatoes and gravy is like a touch down.Now remember,, the white guy doesn't say a word during all this. Hes doing all this acrobatics in mime in the back ground while the black guy is at the counter..Some times the poor clerk is better to watch than the Mary Lou Reton wanna be is...Anyway...when the order is filled,, the black guy heads for the cashier check out and the white always waits a few seconds.. then scampers after the black guy as if he is holding in a need to do a number two badly...and not a word out of him during the whole show.

Now..every time I have witnessed this performance piece,,it has occurred to me that maybe thats all it is..just an act. Of late,, its occurred to me,,may be the City or State has set up a halfway house or a shelter of some kind near by. There seems to me a mix of some kind going on here that i can't quite put my finger on,,,and in there is the basis for my cowardice. Any inquiring to either, of the nature of their seemingly co-dependence would automatically bond me to their situation,,and I don't want to get involved in any part of it...yet i am curious. And I stay curious due to my cowardice..a small price to pay. But just recently, very, i noticed on leaving the store,,another frumpled black man in need of a bath leading a caucasian male who appeared to be really physically handicapped as in crooked arm and hand,,walked side ways with a limp and had no teeth,,At least he was in regular denim shorts and a tee shirt. Any more than that,, i don't think i really want to know.

Of course,,add your own stories of decisive non involvement here.

Maybe both couples have serious sunstroke and are just trying to keep each other from burning to death in our blasted SW heat.

I used to be a coward, but I got me some courage back in '39, and that ended that!

We seem to be on this kick, so I'll start. I was 2 or 3, so this is one of my earliest memories. I have to admit, I assumed for decades it was just a dream, but then I told my mom it and she verified that I had indeed scared the hell out of her that day. Anyway, we lived in Land 'O Lakes, on a lake, and had a duck that hung around the shore, and I played near the shore, though I don't think I was supposed to go past my mom's plant. This day, however, we had an alligator sunning on the shore with us, probably a ten footer, and he got too close to my duck, so I scooped up the duck right in front of the gator and walked off to the house. I don't know why, but fear for myself never once entered my mind. Nowadays, I'd be running for my life, shouting out "Enjoy the duck; I'm outta here!"