Kevin's Watch

I feel suitably encouraged. Many thanks.

You bless and encourage me just by being here, Deer.

dANdeLION wrote:You bless and encourage me just by being here, Deer.

What a heart felt sentiment.

aTOMiC wrote:

dANdeLION wrote:You bless and encourage me just by being here, Deer.

What a heart felt sentiment.

Aww, shucks.

Who's next? Don't be shy. Ask and your burdens will be lightened.

aTOMiC wrote:Who's next? ...

Meeee.
I literally did not post here 3 days ago only because I felt too stressed to sit down and write a post.

Deer!
Anxiety has come to call.
Anxiety, in fact... like.. decided it wanted to come hang out with me and be best buds.

It's annoying... I wake up feeling guilty about the things I haven't gotten done. (different one each morning)
And I feel like I'm playing whack-a-mole with problems: one goes down and another pops up immediately.

Also, I feel like I can't talk to people... like e-mailing friends and stuff.
It feels like someone's turned off a tap.
However, I haven't actually sat down and tried for the most part.


Umm, also, I'm feeling generally rebellious... don't want to spend the time praying that I should... reading the Bible too.
And then when I think about doing other productive things, I often cut myself off from those because I haven't done that...

All this is perhaps silly because a number of things have gone well this week in practice, but... man.

I came here just hoping to get a little more energy so I can get all my "to-do" list accomplished in the next couple of days. Deer, could you help a poor wayward Raman out, please?

In the vein of Cord Hurn I am faced with an enormous amount of Christmas decorating and am feeling overwhelmed.

Btw, in update... after several straight days of always waking up guilty and/or anxious about one thing or another, on Monday I woke up feeling... just.. content.
(in spite of the fact that I wake up earlier than usual on Monday and was -sure- I'd wake up crummily as I'd been awake in the night & anxiously having difficulty getting back to sleep.)

The last two days have had some of the same stress-filled reactions I tend to have to things, but also some of me just getting stuff done, (unusual. what?) and some being chill.

Hello peeps... I would like to say that in my Yoda-like Zennishness I was allowing time to heal, but the fact is I been busy and haven't been on the Watch lately. I got 'sponsibilities though, so here I am.

linna wrote:Btw, in update... after several straight days of always waking up guilty and/or anxious about one thing or another, on Monday I woke up feeling... just.. content.
(in spite of the fact that I wake up earlier than usual on Monday and was -sure- I'd wake up crummily as I'd been awake in the night & anxiously having difficulty getting back to sleep.)

The last two days have had some of the same stress-filled reactions I tend to have to things, but also some of me just getting stuff done, (unusual. what?) and some being chill.

Life has its ups and downs, but heaven stays the same. Isn't that good? Beyond the blue sky all the millions who woke up anxious and procrastinated and were paralyzed by fear all the years of their lives... they're all laughing it off now. We really do need to take a chill, don't we.

Cord Hurn wrote:I came here just hoping to get a little more energy so I can get all my "to-do" list accomplished in the next couple of days. Deer, could you help a poor wayward Raman out, please? Smile

If it's energy you get from blessing or encouragement, then I'm your huckleberry.

CH, we all have so many things to do. Thank God, who and what you are is not dependent on doing or not doing, but on being. Cord, be yourself in everything you do. Do it your own way, because no one else on earth or in history can do that. Only you. Let your doing be a reflection of your uniqueness and your life. Even the most mundane or tedious task is life. Give thanks that you are alive to see today, and have stuff to do!

the aTOMic one wrote:In the vein of Cord Hurn I am faced with an enormous amount of Christmas decorating and am feeling overwhelmed.

IN the same vein, TOM, Christmas is not about the decorations. Enjoy what you can get done and leave the rest in a box for maybe-next-year. Nothing about Christmas requires that we decorate, so do it by choice and enjoy the process and the results. Think of the magic you are creating for the little ones in your life, and for the elder ones who can't climb those ladders anymore but love the reminder of days gone by. But Christmas is truly in your heart, so remember in your Christmas decorating to decorate your soul with Light from Heaven and the Gift of God.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Thank you, deer! I apologize for taking so long to thank you!

deer-

Right now I'm feeling regret.
Talked to a friend last night who's one of those people who's "important in my life."
We planned a trip together with our kids last summer, and I canceled at the last minute.
I wish I'd told her that I was canceling because my kid was puking sick.
(he was, but it felt like a lame excuse in my mouth.)
Because I know that when a friend pulls back on plans like that with me, -I- feel rejection, even when I know better.

She lives pretty far from me, and it's quite a haul.
But for like a year or two, her work office has been only THREE BLOCKS from me.
I think we could have had lunch together every WEEK, or at least every other week.
And it's been a really REALLY rough couple of years for her.
Wish I'd read the signs and circumstances & said, "Yes, make time for this."

I'm not telling myself that I'm a lame friend. (pretty sure those self-excoriating years are behind me)
I'm just sad.
I'm not thinking she's lacked good counsel in these years; I think her life has gone really unexpectedly well in that area.
But like, I could have been there with her more.
And she's someone who, at the right moments, has been astonishingly good for me as a friend, too.
Wishing I'd done differently on this, with all my heart.

She's about to move (pending a job offer) to a different part of the U.S.
(I have two friends doing that, around now.)
So it feels like so much is going to be lost, and so much has already been lost.
________________________________________

Cord Hurn- duuude! We are on the same wavelength!!!
Just a day or two ago, I went and dug up this thread to show my kids a post on it!
Then that became "posts," plural, as will happen.
(and then I wanted to post this request ever since last night.)

Linna, almost everyone has those moments where they feel regrets that they could/should have done more.

I have learned a curious thing, which I imagine most people know, but maybe it bears repeating. Reaching out is a two way street. Yes she was in need any maybe you could have done more However, remember that she was just three blocks away from you as well. She knew where you were. She had a phone and I presume some way of commuting (but if not then at least a phone).

I was struggling for years and waiting for people to reach out to me. My (now) wife taught me that I needed to change the parameters and I needed to reach out to her and others. Even though I was lost and in pain I controlled my path. I needed to reach out through the pain and loneliness.

Be kind to yourself and if you are still reflective then use this moment as a tool to learn and determine how to use it to act differently (if called for) in similar circumstance in the future.

I agree with what Sam wrote... and, it is never too late for good friends.

Call her. Offer to meet her at her workplace and take her out for a casual lunch. Probably it will just be catch-up time, but it's a start.

It's always a good time to begin.

I have been thinking about something for awhile now and now as good as time as any to place my thoughts here.

I once had a religious leader tell a group of us "One of the hardest things is when we are need to ask for help. If we do not ask for help we are denying others the ability to serve us"

I had never thought of service in that light before. To humble myself to allow others a chance to give to me. Not out of greed but from a true place of need. I have had many low points in my life and most of the time I hide my needs and put up a false face of everything's ok. One time I decided to express to a church leader the situation I was in. Yes it was embarrassing and I felt ashamed. But the joy I saw in others eyes as they tried to help me in a time of need really opened up my heart. I am still touched all these many years later.

If you feel this could apply to you then open yourself up to a new experience.

Sam, what you say is so important. I think a lot of people maintain a facade of everything being "fine" because they don't trust the vulnerability, the loss of control (which is usually an illusion anyway).

Related to that is people who serve and serve and serve because they are afraid of becoming replaceable, dispensable; or to justify their existence.

In both cases, people have to admit that we can't do everything. And that's okay.

This is a lovely thread. There are some really great wisdoms to your comments ..

I feel that we do things for others for a number of reasons, when I was a person of faith Id see peoples motivations as quite intriguing. There are those who .. serve .. because they feel it obligatory requirement of their faith in God, as what god expects of them, sometimes motivated by fear or guilt also I suppose as an appreciation of their being tools god works through. But few secured a motivation in pure love. A love for the person or persons they served and perhaps the god they served. This I highly regarded.

I no longer have faith but when I do something for someone I do it because I want to be of assistance, and that that level of giving is what I desire.

I also now no a little better my limits and dont agree to do a thing I cant or wont be happy doing.

A little more selfish but Im okay with it

I come to say "oops!" I just read the history of this thread and realized that the intent was for deer of the dawn to bless and encourage. I just jumped right in because I enjoyed the content that I had read on the page where I jumped in - without reading the history first. So to those that were looking for deer of the dawn and I jumped in forgive me.

To deer of the dawn please continue to do your inspiring work

samrw3 wrote:I once had a religious leader tell a group of us "...If we do not ask for help we are denying others the ability to serve us"

That is lovely.
Like a year ago, I read a reference to a quote about "the struggle to acquire responsibilities -- not to shed them."
And that idea has sort of played around in my thoughts a lot.
I've argued with it, "People totally take on responsibilities they don't want to."
But then in trying to resolve that, I've thought "Ohhhh.. maybe it's that people want to shed responsibilities they suspect are meaningless."
Anyway, I just went back and looked and, turns out.. it was in the context of talking about friendship!

And you're right; this is relevant to me. I do hold back from asking people for help.

Thank you guys for encouraging me to contact my friend.
Who knows what will happen?
...but I have begun to reach out towards her.