Kevin's Watch

This is the 1 sentence at a time thread......I hereby sentence dAN to banishment from KW for crimes against humanity; effective immediately!

With the THOOOTP ignored once again Mallory climbed the side of the castle until he found an open access hatch entering on the third floor like a man who had passed through a fiery gauntlet upon which was forged a steaming crucible of volcanic broccoli.

As he peered into the open hatch, he saw an unkempt bedroom, blankets and pillows strewn about most undecorously, from underneath of which emerged the arm of a man, near to which emerged the leg of a man, near to which emerged the head of a man, snoring cacaphonously and reeking of overindulgence.

The man then belched like a gassy bull frog being squeezed by a confused koala bear being hugged by a friendly panda bear being hugged by a passionate grizzly bear being hugged by an angry polar bear being hugged by a hungry boa constrictor being hugged by a giant squid that is frightened because it is no longer battling sperm whales in the ocean depths for reasons no one could imagine.

The odor of that belch said much, and the fleshy reverberations revealed more: By these signs, Mallory knew who lay before him like a wet sack of sleeping puppies.

Mallory's stomach churned at the sights and sounds however the reason for Mallory's distress was due to the man's identity which was as clear as the nose on Mallory's tanned and weather-worn face.

He could avoid this man's identity no longer.

Mallory stepped forward to shout the man's name but then, suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed an ax arcing downward toward his head.

Long ago, in a land before time, there was an old wise man who had in his youth mastered the many arts of combat and self-defense, and who then spent his waning years teaching his martial craft to those who lived in his village, where Mallory, then a young nobleman who had the exuberance of youth but the recklessness of youth, came upon him as he traveled on some trivial errand for his father, and after passing several tests of exuberance and recklessness, the old man agreed to train Mallory in his ways, which took several years, during which Mallory grew from an exuberant, reckless young man into a stoic and cautious middle-aged man with great prowess, and during which Mallory's father wondered where the hell his son had gone, and had led several large companies of men in search of him, and many of those men died on this quest, but eventually they found Mallory in a small, out of the way village, letting villagers throw melons and other fruits toward him, whereupon he sliced those fruits in half with well-placed martial moves, still retaining the small item that had necessitated his trivial errand, and so it was that Mallory was able to knock the ax aside as it sped towards him, with a fierce cry, and then once again, like a small item representing a trivial errand long delayed, he deliberated upon naming the man before him.

Then Mallory decided that uttering the man's name was fruitless as he was despised by everyone that knew him and the mere mention of the scoundrel would cause the cosmos itself to turn upon any fool idiot enough to betray the peace and tranquility of Southerland Castle with such verbal filth.

"Dion Lande! Wake Up, you vile evil twin of the greatest scientist in Suth Park, you lecher, you inebriated swine, you filthy home for vermin, wake up and get your long overdue due, because I remember everything, and everything cries for your undoing!" cried Mallory, because he realized that peace and tranquility was the last thing he wanted, and the cosmos had it in for him anyway.

Then without warning the ship's claxons sounded and the automated systems began closing the hatches, sealing off each room and trapping those within like a snake swallowing a mouse filled with marbles.

That would be said cosmos having said in, thought Mallory, as he looked about for the axe.

Just as Mallory spied the axe and leaned over to pick it up a nearby star went supernova and blinded him, momentarily.

"Damn, that must have been very bright if it blinded me despite all the hatches being closed and sealed," thought Mallory, but he wasn't one to dwell on odd things, which is why, a moment later, when he was tied up with Arcturian no. 4 stranglewire, which is not available outside of the Gamma Six quadrant, he took it all in stride.

Thanks to the large, air tight, viewing ports scattered throughout the ship, Mallory was again blinded by a second nearby Supernova that nearly burned the retinas out of his eyeballs; the pain of which made him momentarily forget that he was bound by the aforementioned Arcturian Stranglewire like an April canine forgetting about the collar and leash that holds him to a crimson-red fire hydrant, whilst glancing repeatedly at the sunrise of a bright, August day in January.

Mallory would have pondered upon the suicidal inadvisability of transparent viewing ports on the sides of spaceships, which subject its passengers to every form of deadly radiation emitted by every star, causing painful death even when no supernovas are to be found, but he was too busy trying to escape the stranglewire, which became incrementally tighter every time he moved, while trying to locate the axe by shuffling his feet around, and while Lande was saying, "We meet again, Mallory, and this time the advantage is mine."

Like a speck of dust scaling a castle; so are the days of our lives.

Lande then suddenly launched himself toward Mallory, spinning in mid air like a knife wielding helicopter.

Mallory, still blind, heard noises which told him that the spinning form, utterly besotted, tipped wildly to the side, lost it's battle with gravity, and crashed once again into the pillows, which must have triggered some sort of remote switch, because the stranglewire snapped into pieces and flew away from him like water being ejected from a well soaked Saint Bernard shaking itself dry.