Kevin's Watch

Having the skin flayed from your back by a blunt rotary mower is as painful as being laser-raped by Darth Maul...unless you're into that sort of thing, that is.

Being laser-raped by Darth Maul is like falling butt-first into a volcano.

Falling butt first into a volcano is how you feel after a hard night of drinking draft beer.

Drinking a draft beer is like taking your face and twisting it off using a pair of forks and a baseball bat.

Taking your face and twisting it off with two forks and a baseball bat is so gay it makes Richard Simmons look straight.

Richards Simmons looking straight is like Sammy Davis Jr. looking straight.

Sammy Davis Jr looking straight is like posting in the tank just to piss off avatar.

Posting in the Tank just to piss off AV is like taking a 3 foot long metal rod covered in red ants and jamming it into your left ear until you begin to see it coming out your right and then plunging your whole head into a beer barrel full of killer bees that have recently been agitated by a mild electric shock.

I'm laughing too hard to be able to concentrate long enough to come up with something to follow that last post, aTOMic....

post, aTOMic fallout is what my brain feels like after being subjected to watch early American Idol episodes-these soul sucking examples of human idiocy are like nails on the blackboard of Hell surrounded by very close-up posters of Richard Simmons and Sammy Davis Jr.

Nails on the blackboard of hell is like being subjected to episode of the Nanny back to back for hours on end...

Being subjected to episode of the Nanny back to back for hours on end is like having your aural cavity removed by a randy monkey with a garden ho tied to his pecker.

Having your aural cavity removed by a randy monkey with a garden ho tied to his pecker is like floating serenely in a tumultous lake of lava

Floating serenely in a tumultous lake of lava is really uncomfortable.

Really uncomfortable is like standing in front of the white house having your picture taken and realizing you forgot to wear clothing.

Having your picture taken and realizing you forgot to wear clothing is like... being forced to eat soiled cat litter and rusty razor blades covered in horseradish and chunky milk while watching episodes of "The Wonder Years" with Fred Savage and Donald Trump, as Rosie O'Donnell blasts Hanson's "Mmm-Bop" from a gigantic pink boombox and sits in the corner of your living room violating an assortment of rodents and other small mammals.

being forced to eat soiled cat litter and rusty razor blades covered in horseradish and chunky milk while watching episodes of "The Wonder Years" with Fred Savage and Donald Trump, as Rosie O'Donnell blasts Hanson's "Mmm-Bop" from a gigantic pink boombox and sits in the corner of your living room violating an assortment of rodents and other small mammals.is like having your teeth ground out by a spasticated monkey using a file made from a rusty tin can of a bird flu infested chickens haemmoroidal pus.

Having your teeth ground out by a spasticated monkey using a file made from a rusty tin can which contained the bird flu infested hemorhoidal pus of a chicken is like dropping acid and going to a Star Trek convention.

dropping acid and going to a Star Trek convention is like working on a helpdesk

Working on a helpdesk is like having screws drilled through the ends of your thumb while your hands are in a vat of battery acid.