I AM GONNA BE RICH!!!

[High Lord Tolkien]

Where is my B*tch?? I need this put into writing so the Royal Accountant can cut the proper checks!!

Done Empress.
Forgive me for being so slow.
Since you break a finger for each time I show insolence I now have to write these notes with my teeth.

I have encountered no less than 4 people who were already knee deep in the scam (ie. putting up a cetain amount of their own funds to ensure proper transfer of the millions), and were looking for confirmation of one type or another.

Don't laugh too hard at those 4 people.
They financed Empress Cho's takeover of Iceland.

[Reisheiruhime]

Hehehe... That's a funny face...

Oh, much beloved Empress Cho, might I please, please, please be the PM of Space Piracy and the Slave Trade? (I get early dibs on the boy toys from the base traders, so it's a very profitable endeavor for you, Oh Majestic and Well-Dressed Leader.)

All hail the Empress! !!!

[ChoChiyo]

Hehehe... That's a funny face...

Oh, much beloved Empress Cho, might I please, please, please be the PM of Space Piracy and the Slave Trade? (I get early dibs on the boy toys from the base traders, so it's a very profitable endeavor for you, Oh Majestic and Well-Dressed Leader.)

All hail the Empress! !!!

Your request is granted. Let me have first looks at all the lovely slave boys, though.

And you must wear full pirate regalia and say, "ARR" frequently.

And fetch me a fresh pliers. Now that the fingers are all broken, I need to start on the toes of my b*tch.

Good thing he amuses me, or he'd be in the goulash vats.

And those four people were well compensated for funding my liberation of Iceland. They got full color posters of me in my crown jewels AND a free screen saver that says: "I HELPED LIBERATE ICELAND FROM TYRANNICAL FIENDS"

[Reisheiruhime]

Ooh, how about this Gucci diamond-studded needlenose plier-y thingy, Arr? (Is it ok if I use that instead of "Eh" as well? I think it sounds bloody spiffy, Arr?)

*adjusts Jack Sparrow-esque yet female fitted outfit* Arr, Majesty, this is the latest shipment. *points at a row of... um... coffins is too morbid... they aren't coffins, but they look like them, arr* You'll be glad to see that we needn't "damage the merchandise" before shipping, as we've had to in the past. Oh, no, with our cutting edge cryo-methods, you get, ah, "fresh meat", shall we say? Arr, yes, so, what's your fancy? Rugged, docile, exotic, violent? There's a lovely blonde in number eight...

Oh, and, arr, the Iceland ploy was excellent. Pure brilliance! Just like this diamond tiara, might I tempt you, Empress?

Arr... Schnuckette.

[ChoChiyo]

Very delightful

Diamond tiars for all my loyal minions!

And I would like the Robby Benson look-alike concubine to report to my chambers this evening with ice cream and chocolate syrup.

[Reisheiruhime]

*arr of dismay* Which one, milady? Or perhaps all four of them... *waggles eyebrows suggestively* C'mon, eh, Empress! There's plenty of icecream, and we've got like twenty flavors of chocolate syrup, arr...

Schnuckette

[ChoChiyo]

Oh, very well.

Send them all.