Kevin's Watch

Conflicted. After various delays, finally went down to the pub with a rather delightful young lady I knew several years ago, whom I met again at Westercon this year (and actually got her email address this time).

We spoke of cabbages and kings and all that for a couple of hours, in the course of which I managed to impress her thoroughly with my Zen-like wisdom. Especially the bits that come of being one of those rare human males who have a sufficient blood supply to operate, as it were, both heads at once. Among other things, she's built rather along the lines of our old friend Misty the Mouse, who, as some of you remember, is the only rodent in the world who is also an SRD fan — but I digress. She was impressed at my ability to actually look her in the eyes while she was talking, and not have my attention drawn downwards by . . . er . . . gravity. And she was tremendously pleased to find that I'm one of those odd men who not only appreciate intellectual capacity in a woman, but require it. At one stage in the conversation, she mentioned that I'm just the kind of guy she generally falls for, but she hadn't before because she was intimidated by my height.

All well and tickety-boo? Not quite. Trouble is that about six weeks ago, just before I ran into her at Westercon, she fell madly in hormones with another guy, who is spending the summer out of town, but whom, in fact, she is going to see this weekend. (I took her round to the local Greyhound station to pick up her tickets for the trip, which shows that I am either a preux chevalier, sans peur et sans reproche, or a consummate fathead.) These little timing errors have often been the bane of my existence and the vexation of my idle hours. She did throw out a dark hint, complaining that all her boyfriends eventually dump her and not the other way round — suggesting, perhaps, that she is in some fear of this happening with the current model — but one can only wait and see, or incur a certain amount of reproche and a definite loss of proüesse.

She did, just before we parted ways, suggest that she ought to fix me up with her roommate, whom she describes as essentially a taller (and red-haired) version of herself. But then she herself shot down the idea, as the said roommate is recovering from a nasty breakup after a six-year relationship, and does not want to be exposed to any male things unless they have been chloroformed, dried, and pinned to a card. Timing again.

Still, it gives one the sensation of being an object of attraction and possible affection, which one has not had in more years than one cares to recall. However, I shall lay a brick in the mouth of the next twit who announces cheerily to me that 'it's all good'.

Intellectual men have such problems. So do intellectual women, guys. We only operate well under certain set circumstances.

Loremaster, what were you doing out in the field anyway? You're a scholastic.

Farseer, fortunately it's not a problem you have to solve. Stay in her life as a friend. Sounds like you have that potential. And if the current guy dumps her, switch gears. Excellent move, helping her get her bus tickets. It tells her she's more than "property" to you.

Agree with DL. Patience may be a difficult virtue to acquire, but in cases like these, it's worth its weight in gold if you know what I mean. (And I speak from personal experience. )

--A

Patience is a concrete expression of respect, in these cases. And respect is one of the best gifts you can give a prospective partner.

VF, I was once conflicted like you. no matter what I tried, the door always seemed barred. But then, through no noticeable doing of my own, I found myself married with 5 kids, and extremely unhappy, and even lonlier that I was before I was married. Now I find myself free again, and ironically, I find no emotional or spiritual desire to try to beat down any of those doors anymore. Physical need, yes; but that's it. Frankly, while I never was happier than when I finally found myself in love with a woman who loved me back, I now know that what I really need is to be happy with who I am.


Boy that sounds SO sappy.......

dANdeLION wrote:VF, I was once conflicted like you. no matter what I tried, the door always seemed barred. But then, through no noticeable doing of my own, I found myself married with 5 kids, and extremely unhappy, and even lonlier that I was before I was married. Now I find myself free again, and ironically, I find no emotional or spiritual desire to try to beat down any of those doors anymore. Physical need, yes; but that's it. Frankly, while I never was happier than when I finally found myself in love with a woman who loved me back, I now know that what I really need is to be happy with who I am.


Boy that sounds SO sappy.......

No, it doesn't! It sounds wise. Stick to it. Your next relationship will be the better for it.

Dragonlily wrote:Patience is a concrete expression of respect, in these cases. And respect is one of the best gifts you can give a prospective partner.

You should send that to Hallmark.

Seriously, timing sucks. I had one of these near misses a long time ago. Before I saw her again, the woman in question had hooked up with one of my best (?) friends, whom she stayed with for something like 10 years. In the course of that time they moved to Montreal or some such place, split there, and so it goes.

Patience would be easier if the history of my love life did not so much resemble a long series of painfully unfunny practical jokes. I therefore intend to fake patience by keeping myself busy with other things. Still, it helps to get this off my chest to people who do not razz and boo, and I thank you all for your kind comments.

Keep us updated, VF.

I'm grumpy. An author contacted me, saying another author named Molly Brown, supposedly an acquaintance of mine, had told him I could help promote his book. Firstly, if I know a Molly Brown, it's by screen name and I don't recognize her; and 2ndly, the aim of reviewing is not book promotion, it's to help readers choose the books they would like and avoid the ones they wouldn't.

The excerpt looked like an unpleasant reading experience. I turned the guy down nicely, even self-deprecatingly (not easy for the arrogant Starving Artist. ) He argued by email for most of the evening. Thank God, I got a final petulant message from him this morning and he's gone.

Farseer, hang in there. Love will hit you right between the eyes one of these days when you are least expecting it. It just happens to some of us later in life than others. And think of how much more special it will be for having waited. The anticipation of Christmas morning and long awaited, beautifully wrapped gifts.

Joy, you are what I would call a pure hearted book reviewer. You do it out of a love of reading, and your primary concern is other readers. I love the reviews on your website. The thing is, I think that some authors really do see book reviewers as publicity agents of sorts, rather than public servants. Sounds like you ran into someone like that.

I loved my camping trip. We all had a great time hanging out on the berach and actually being able to eat three meals a day together (something we rarely manage to do between crazy work, school, and athletic schedules). It was gorgeous in northern Michigan, with highs in the 70's and low 80's, and low humidity.

Got back last night and everything is just nuts. It's in the 90s and humid as hell, so we are all miserable. I have so many errands to run today, including to both kids' schools, as they will be missing registation day next week. And the post office. And packing for the New York trip we'll be leaving on tomorrow. And watering the plants, taking the dog and cats for boarding -- and we have to fill out our tax returns. What fun. And my older son got a bunch of wasp stings this morning when he was helping his father.

But I'm sure when all is said and done, everything will be taken care of sometime tomorrow morning, and we can hit the road for New York and Fist and Danlo and DLB. It's just the frantic moments leading up to that which will be challenging.

duchess of malfi wrote:Farseer, hang in there. Love will hit you right between the eyes one of these days when you are least expecting it. It just happens to some of us later in life than others. And think of how much more special it will be for having waited. The anticipation of Christmas morning and long awaited, beautifully wrapped gifts.

It won't feel so special if it hits me when I'm 97 and can no longer do anything with it. But thanks for the encouragement all the same.

In related events, there's a girl I've known several years, seen infrequently, but we've carried on what I thought was a harmless joke flirtation over much of that time. I made an arrangement in principle with her at Westercon to meet for coffee to talk about books and whatnot.

Last night, after various delays on both sides, I gave her a call. She explained, with obvious distress, that she didn't think it would be a good idea to meet me for coffee, because I'm male, flirtatious (??), she's attracted to me (!), and she already has a boyfriend.

(Timing yet again. One of these days I want to have a word with the man that invented timing, and unless I come up with a better one in the meantime, that word will be 'disembowel'.)

Now, I have met this 'boyfriend'. Suffice to say that he's married, lives 2000 miles from her, his marriage is not known to be on the rocks, and they're trying very hard to keep their affair secret — which means that it's not an 'open marriage', and his wife would have a word with him if she knew. Probably the same word I want to have with that timing guy.

Now, this 'boyfriend' recalls meeting me, and disapproves of me. I believe he thinks I'm trying to cut a filly out of his herd, which, as anybody who actually knows me could tell you, is simply daft. I have a sneaking feeling that he has forbidden her to have anything to do with me. Which strikes me as downright ludicrous. I had sized him up as colossally insecure, but I didn't know he was actually paranoid!

Moment of esprit d'escalier: Just now I recalled what John Lennon said in a somewhat similar situation. He was at art school, asking one Cynthia Powell to a dance. She told him she was engaged to a fellow in Hoylake. Quoth John: 'I didn't ask yer to marry me!' (Though in fact he did eventually marry her.) I ought to have used that line in this case.

And that brings you all up to date on the soap opera. I shall now roll my eyes in disbelief:

P.S. Duchess: Sounds like you had a great trip! Wish I could make it down to New York, but for obvious logistical reasons that's just not in the cards. One can go to Albuquerque and stay in a cheap hotel, but the Apple is expensive. And I have a podcast to organize, which I may summon up the guts to post about, as I think you (for one) might be interested.

If I knew what a podcast was, I very well might be interested in it. I know I greatly enjoyed your manuscript, and I really wonder about Tor that they haven't decided to publish your stuff yet.

One of these days a lady will fall head over heels in love with your intelligence and wit at first meeting. And all you have to do it to treat her with kindness and respect, and she will burn for you, emotionally and physically, for the rest of your life. But its going to happen when you don't expect it, so just relax and enjoy life in the meantime.

I got most of my errands done, have paid and mailed the bills, and have even cleaned out my Jeep. I even filled the bird feeders and watered the plants. All that is left is to sort out the many loads of laundry and pack. Maybe we'll get out of here in the morning after all.

People are just weird.

Adorable men like Loremaster and Variol Farseer running around available, and women not LEAPING to the opportunity to snatch them up?? Insanity.

I wish I were younger.



You boys would have to get along, because I would want <i>both</i> of you.

Hee hee hee

It's even worse than you realize, Cho. I'm available, too!

ChoChiyo wrote:Adorable men like Loremaster and Variol Farseer running around available, and women not LEAPING to the opportunity to snatch them up?? Insanity.

Loremaster may well be as you describe him, but I wish you wouldn't say such things about me, even in jest. I am perfectly well aware that I am not adorable, which I can prove on the excellent grounds that I have never been adored. I'm not even particularly likable.

I'm sure it wasn't your intent, but remarks like that always make me feel as if I'm being mocked for being egotistical.

Well, I still think I'm adorable......

dANdeLION wrote:Well, I still think I'm adorable......

I'll tell you what. You can have the 'adorable' that ChoChiyo addressed to me. But if it should turn out, in the fullness of time, that she really was mocking me for being egotistical, you get to take that rap as well. Deal?

As long as it puts a smile on your face, I can take it.

I'm feeling rather mischeivious today