Corrupt a wish

[DoctorGamgee]

**Voila!** You're now in Hawaii, on a mountain (currently under 3 feet of snow!)

I wish I had more time to read.

[aTOMiC]

Hah! That produced an audible laugh.

Poof you have more time to read as you had been down in a bank vault just as a world war erupted overhead. The war was fought with a new generation of nuclear weapons that caused untold mass destruction but produced no lingering radiation. You emerge from the ruins of the bank to find that you are the last living person on earth. However over at the local library there are books. Thousands of books.

And now there is time. All the time in the world to read. No interruptions no needs or wants except reading your beloved books. Oh yes. Its quite a wonderful picture indeed. Reading one book after another until time itself stands still. Reading and sleeping. Sleeping, reading and then reading again. Until one day you realize, quite suddenly, that you actually hate reading books and had simply forgotten. Damn. Now what? The only entertainment left in the whole world is books and the worst part is that you can't eat them. (Thought I was going to say you broke your glasses didn't you?)

I wish I could see smells in order to avoid some of them.

[Sorus]

You're able to avoid the smells, but good luck getting some of those pictures out of your head.

I wish I wasn't so stressed out at this time of year.

[aTOMiC]

Poof! Suddenly you are as relaxed as a cat sleeping on a desk.

But now nothing troubles you. Not even hunger or being late for work. Eventually your whole life erodes and you end up living in a van down by the river. But you are relaxed.


I wish I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

[deer of the dawn]

ZING!!! You can now do whatever the flip you want, whenever you want, because there is no one left to stop you-- or to do it with, or to.

I wish I could not have migraines any more.

[aTOMiC]

Zap. No more migraines. Unfortunately the sensation of relief creates a euphoria that renders you hopelessly happy and joyous. I'm not sure how that corrupts your wish but that's what happens.

I wish every solar system we can see had an Earth type planet orbiting it and was populated with kind, fun seeking aliens possessing advanced technology and were all just pleased as punch to help the goofy humans with their troubles.

[deer of the dawn]

Zap. No more migraines. Unfortunately the sensation of relief creates a euphoria that renders you hopelessly happy and joyous. I'm not sure how that corrupts your wish but that's what happens.

Merry Christmas to you, too!!!

I wish every solar system we can see had an Earth type planet orbiting it and was populated with kind, fun seeking aliens possessing advanced technology and were all just pleased as punch to help the goofy humans with their troubles.

LALALALAAAAA!!! Your wish comes true and now Earth is filled with fun, kind people of all species! Peace and love reign, but a mysterious illness begins to spread. The kind and happy aliens have secretly brought a Final Solution to Earth's population woes, and out of their kindness to all living creatures they oversee the extermination of the most invasive and destructive species. Within ten years, the planet is happily rid of the most resilient humans, who are safely buried where their remains fertilize the burgeoning forests and flowering fields forever. The aliens are free to seek fun and be kind to each other in our absence.

I wish for a Collins acoustic guitar.

[aTOMiC]

You finally get a Collins Acoustic Guitar and are crushed when you find out they are made from kittens and puppies. However you can't help yourself and play the thing anyway, eventually composing a song about kittens and puppies.

I wish I could alter my molecular structure at will, becoming whatever I wanted, without any harm to myself, and then back to my original form (or perhaps a much more fit version of my original form).

[Sorus]

You can alter your molecular structure at will, becoming whatever you want, without any harm to yourself, and then back to your original form (or perhaps a much more fit version of your original form). The government suspects that you're a Changeling, and they're holding you captive in a maximum-security laboratory.


I wish it would snow here.

[deer of the dawn]

Zing!!! 14 feet of snow, like you ordered. You'll be sick of it around August.

I wish other people would stop destroying trees I plant.

[aTOMiC]

Bang. People stop destroying the trees you plant however the trees you plant begin to emit a toxin into the air that causes humans to spontaneously commit suicide by the thousands which would go on to inspire M. Night Shyamalan to write and direct a film on that very subject. Upon watching the film you are horrified...by the poor direction and wooden acting, not to mention the idiotic plot.

I wish I had actually become a famous musician and composer back when I was 20 something.

[Sorus]

You became a famous musician and composer back when you were 20 something. You are super-famous now, and your doctor just diagnosed you with irreparable hearing loss due to being constantly surrounded by hordes of screaming groupies.


I wish I had more skill with Photoshop and such.

[aTOMiC]

Poof! You have more skill with Photoshop and such. But suddenly a computer virus corrupts every installation of Photoshop everywhere on the planet rendering both the software and the hardware it was installed on irreparably destroyed. An even more virulent strain corrupts all versions of "and such". Now you are only left with early versions of Paint Shop Pro and Linux's GIMP programs which you hate so much it makes you want to barf.

I wish I had a ham sandwich.

[StevieG]

YUM!!!!! You have a 6 week old un-refrigerated ham sandwich...

I wish I could be fit and healthy just by thinking about it.

[aTOMiC]

Poof. You think you are fit and healthy. However your doctor vehemently disagrees but you are so deluded that no warning, no mater how impassioned it is delivered, can get through to you. You are finally brought back to reality when you win "The Fattest Man In the Territory" contest that you didn't know you were in. You actually beat the Governor-General who weighs 70 kgs more than you do.

I wish there were 9 habitable Earth type planets in our solar system.

[Sorus]

There are 9 habitable Earth type planets in our solar system. All sharing roughly the same orbit. This is not a good thing.


I wish I could learn a new language easily, without taking lessons.

[aTOMiC]

Whamo! You have learned a new language easily, without taking lessons. Unfortunately you are the only person on Earth who understands your new 15 word language populated only by the most foul expletives imaginable but that doesn't stop you from trying to use it in awkward social situations.

I wish Star Trek style transporter technology was a real, safe and reliable way to travel and send goods around the globe and to the Moon and other planets.

[deer of the dawn]

Zzzzzinnnnggggg!!!! Transporter technology is real!! However, the only way it works (due to the ineluctibility of Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle) is for the destination to be completely random. You could just as likely wind up on Space Station Nirvana 7 or a sewage pond in the Black Hole of Calcutta. And Murphy's Law being what it is...

I wish my cat wasn't getting so old.

[aTOMiC]

KaBlam! Your cat is no longer getting old but the only way to achieve this feat was for time to stand still forever so you and everything in the universe is frozen, un-moving for all time.


I wish there was a breakthrough in solar cell technology that enabled a panel 6" square to store enough energy to power the needs of an entire house for a week and recharged in only 45 minutes.

[deer of the dawn]

Ppppffftt!!! 45 minutes of sunshine is now sufficient to light up your house through the 6" hole in the roof. Because the rain coming in 2 hours ago shorted out every electrical circuit in the house. And the water will come in handy to do laundry by hand. Also the 6" "panel" provides a pretty show of stars and changing colors that replaces the tv quite satisfactorily.

I wish that ... well, it may be treason to put that out publicly. It concerns the mortality of a certain orange blowhard who will soon rule the world.