How do you feel today?

[Cameraman Jenn]

Wish me luck everyone, it's off to work and it's Tina the store manager's first day back from vacation....

[Spiral Jacobs]

I'm so proud of my son... his cast was removed on Monday and on Tuesday he was already standing up. He's scared to put weight on his leg (which he hasn't used for almost 5 weeks) but he's trying. I was *finally* able to take him on a bicycle ride again today...man that felt good.

[Menolly]

Yay!
What a relief, SJ!

Try to get yourself and your wife some well deserved rest.

[aliantha]

Good news, SJ!

Oh, and Sorus -- sorry about the dental surgery. Lorin's absolutely right, codeine is your friend.

[Phantasm]

Wish me luck everyone, it's off to work and it's Tina the store manager's first day back from vacation....

Good luck.

[Orlion]

Wish me luck everyone, it's off to work and it's Tina the store manager's first day back from vacation....

Good luck.

Do luck wishes travel backwards in time?

[lorin]

Wish me luck everyone, it's off to work and it's Tina the store manager's first day back from vacation....

Good luck.

Do luck wishes travel backwards in time?

I hope so.


Saw a lawyer today. Beginning the process to file Chapter 7 bankruptcy. I truly think I would rather have a gyno exam in the middle of Times Square than do this. It is so humiliating. And people are so blazee about it all. According to the lawyer (my lawyer, I guess) it is happening everywhere. I don;t know, I was raised to pay my debts and the idea I have dug myself into this hole is so embarrassing. I have no one to blame but myself.

Stepping back four years I look back at bad decisions from the get go. I know the time and date it began. I was engaged to this guy named John. Yeah, that's his real name. Anyway we had picked out this house together. I had three long term foster kids. The court had ordered that because they physically fought so much they each needed their own bedrooms. So John and I picked out this home. I loved it. Near the ocean, quiet and lovely. John had child support and bad credit so he was not on the deed, but had agreed to pay half the expenses. Everything was in place. Once we closed on the house the court would release the last kid to me. Well.......the day before closing John sends me an email telling me he had another family, living in the Dominican Republic and he was bringing them to live with him. I should have stopped the closing right there. But the kids were so excited about having their own home that I couldnt do it. I couldnt disappoint them. So I closed on this house that was too much for me alone. I convinced myself I would figure it all out. I would find a solution. For the next years I supported the house with credit cards and pension loans. The kids all finished school and have moved away, ending the foster stipend as well. And here I am, alone in this huge house. And then the market crashed and the value of the house crashed. It cant be sold as it is what they call "upside down".

So backed into a corner, alone in this place, my only roomates are an insane dog and my thoughts. Over and over I rerun my decisions. So today, I finally folded my hand and filed bankruptcy.

And that, my friends, is a story of a life.

[Menolly]

lorin, try not to feel shame.

You were screwed by that man.
The kids you cared for should feel what you claim.
And you should look at this as what it is meant to be:
a way to get back on your feet without losing everything you have.

I had friends who went through it in the early eighties.
It is not easy.
It gives you a fresh start, yes.
But not a wiped clean one.
Not for at least seven years, if memory serves.

But you will come out of this stronger and better for it.
And we will be right here with you, as much as you want us to be.

Love and Light, girlfriend.

[Savor Dam]

Lorin, having sat in a first-class seat while riding the biggest bank failure in US history all the way into the ground, I can assure you that your upside-down house happened for reasons that are the most altruistic of any case I have ever seen.

You did it ALL for those kids you fostered out of the system you work in. You were not playing the subprime loan game. You bought that wonderful house on the shore with the best of intentions for what you thought was your new family. First John betrayed your trust...and then the kids may not have taken full advantage of the boost you had hoped your care would provide. You, however, have nothing to be ashamed of.

While it is easy to say you have many treasures laid up waiting for you in the fullness of time, I sincerely hope that some of that comes back to you soon and consistently. You have given so much in your professional life and in what you tried to do for the youth you took in. It is time for the tide to start lifting you.

In the meantime, take a deep breath and keep your head up. Your friends believe in you and are pulling for you!

[Krazy Kat]

I'm so proud of my son... his cast was removed on Monday and on Tuesday he was already standing up. He's scared to put weight on his leg (which he hasn't used for almost 5 weeks) but he's trying. I was *finally* able to take him on a bicycle ride again today...man that felt good.

Good News SJ,
I remember your previous post on this.

Walking carefully in the shallow end of a pool might also help some.

[Shuram Gudatetris]

So backed into a corner, alone in this place, my only roomates are an insane dog and my thoughts. Over and over I rerun my decisions. So today, I finally folded my hand and filed bankruptcy.

And that, my friends, is a story of a life.

I am almost in the same boat as you, and feel your pain acutely. I have been teetering on the edge of disaster for some time now, living in a house which my wife and I bought together, but now it is just me here, trying to do it on my own. All I have, like you, are my two stinky dogs, two unwanted cats, and my loneliness to fill this giant oversized house that I can barely afford.

My pay is incentive based, so there is no guarantee that the bills will get paid. I get so close to getting caught up and then work goes bad for a while, and I am behind again. I wish I could go either up or down, certain to make it, or certain to fail; the fluctuation in my pay and overtime, always leaning one way or the other, is driving me completely insane, no balance. Ugh.

It really sucks that you had to file for bankruptcy, and I know how hard that must have been. I am sorely tempted to do so myself.

But there is a bright side! At least now you can start moving forward, putting the mess behind you. I sort of envy you; now you at least know where you stand. Best wishes to you, and high hopes for the future!

[Cameraman Jenn]

Sorus, hope you are feeling even better today, sorry about the moolah factor, I know of which you speak. Still trying to save up for my dental work, no surgery but need to get that chipped cap on my front tooth fixed but can't seem to get there money wise.

Lorin, hugs to you, hang in there and things will find a way to work out.

Hugs to everyone who needs them and even to those who just want them.

I had an ok day today. Filed away some important information about the work habits and attitudes of my co-workers today. Learned whom I have to nag and who can be counted on to pitch in. Said my ta ta for nows to Crystal who gave her notice because she refuses to work with Chai anymore. Going to miss saying my goodbyes to one of the cashiers tomorrow, she's being let go for too many attendance violations. Pity that, she's one of the best we have. I have tomorrow off so she will be gone by the time I work again. Had a nice conversation with Ron at Civic Center BART and he gave me a courtesy pass just for the heck of it. Then had some odd karma on my way home. Some freak jumped out at me from behind a dumpster as I was driving by on my scooter and acted like he was going to kick me. I yelled hey as I swerved around him and he laughed so I yelled "NOT COOL A--HOLE" as I drove off into the night. Now I am home and chilling out.

I did start the day off with a good laugh. I was checking email when one of my old high school friends imed me with, "Remember my 18th B'day when a bunch of us skipped school and got drunk at my house and we got busted by my Mom but we were drunk and stoned and couldn't stop laughing while she yelled at us which made it worse?" and I said, "Oh yeah, never knew anyone could get that red and not pass out from apoplexy." She said, "I'm visiting for a couple of weeks and had a moment just like that this morning only my Mom caught me and (names omitted to protect the guilty) in bed. First time he's seen my Mom since high school and she busts him naked. It was so funny." I said, "OHHHH NOOOOOOO are you SERIOUS????!!!!??????" and she laughed and said, "Yes, you should have seen the look on his face." Just to clarify the extra spiciness of the whole incident, my friend's mom was a teacher at our high school AND the male involved was my ex boyfriend. WAY TOO funny!!!! We ended the conversation with her telling me I really should coordinate a visit and I laughed and said, "Especially so I can film your mom having apoplexic fits and put it on you tube." We had a good laugh over that.

So for anyone who is in the middle of difficulties right now, imagine that you are 42 years old and visiting your Mom and you go out partying with some old high school pals and end up sneaking one back into the house and get busted like a high school teenager by your Mom or worse yet, you get busted sleeping with your teacher's daughter in her house!

[aliantha]

Yup, things can *always* be worse....

lorin:
The ex and I went the bankruptcy route many years ago, and our reasons weren't nearly as good as yours were. It sucks, but people will understand, particularly in today's climate. And you do bounce back, and pretty quickly. One bizarre side effect of declaring bankruptcy is that suddenly the credit card companies think of you as a good risk (no debt!), so brace yourself for a raft of credit card offers. Isn't America swell?

[Cagliostro]

I did bankrupcy a couple of years ago myself, and it was the best thing I ever did. I too had a huge stigma against it, and fought like hell for years to make more money and figure out how to keep from bankrupcy until I was forced to live by myself after being dumped, and REALLY was losing the battle at that point, using credit cards to survive. If I knew how much my life would have improved by having done it, I would have done it years ago, and I would have already been through the credit hit (especially since, I understand, the 7 years is now 10 years that it sits on your record). It also would have been easier to do, as I was just barely qualified for Chapter 7. I was making fairly decent money, but was over $60,000 in debt. And this was all credit cards and credit card loans.
I was close to bankrupcy earlier, and then I got my first IT job, and within a year was making double what I was making previously. I would have had it all paid off within the next 3 years after starting there had I not been laid off. I had just bought a used car fairly new, and it was a good deal. I had also just taken out a loan to pay off my credit cards at a lower rate, but then the layoff hit. I paid off a couple, but kept some of the money. I couldn't find a job for a year, and used some of that money to survive. When I finally got that job, I wasn't making enough money to keep on top of the finances, but the girlfriend was helping with that. Unfortunatley, she was the bigger spender of the two of us, and she used my credit cards more than I did. Then a few months before we were set to be married, she dumped me and only barely paid anything toward the credit cards she had used that were in my name. I know there were certainly things that were my fault in my debt, but I found out recently that I wasn't the first person to go into bankrupcy after dating her.
Now, I've got at least $10,000 in the bank which I don't think I've ever had before, and I now own the car, but am renting the place we live. As soon as we figure out a place to settle, we will look into getting a house, as the wife has good credit.

And yes, I did get a heap of credit card offers almost immediately after doing it. Actually, even before it was finalized. And the day I went to the courthouse to run through the short little "ceremony" of bankrupcy, there were cases every half hour for exactly the same thing all day long booked solid. Think on that and realize that you are not this special horrible person. It really is what bankrupcy is there for - for the people who honestly can take care of their money, but due to bad decisions and bad luck need help. And credit card companies are evil.

Oh, and one big tip for, really, everyone...pay your student loans first above all else. When I was very young, my sister went through bankrupcy, and that was the worst part of it all, as they will not allow you to not owe them money in bankrupcy. Thanks to knowing that, I had always been good at paying off my student loans during this peroid leading up to bankrupcy, and had in fact paid them off right before declaring (which did not work out in my favor, actually).

[Spiral Jacobs]

Walking carefully in the shallow end of a pool might also help some.

Thanks, excellent idea. I'm taking him to the swimming pool this weekend, he loves that anyway!

[lorin]

I have to tell you how much everyone's responses meant to me. I think sometimes we tend to believe we are the only one going through crap. I think the more we go through 'stuff' the more we (I ) tend to wrap ourselves/myself in a blanket of misery and believe the universe should revolve around me. One of the reasons I felt so isolated is my inability to tell anyone about this situation. After everyone's response I took a breath and attempted to tell my father what was going on. His response was that he regretted helping me with the down payment, that it was a waste of his money. He said that he would have rather have paid for a wedding but since I never married he had no wedding to pay for so he figured he might as well just give me money for a house. Well, another lesson learned. Keep money issue and family separate.

This year has been a year of life lessons.

[Menolly]

Ah lorin...
I can so hear similar words coming at me from my mother's mouth.

"You made your bed, now lie in it..."

yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll tell you, girlfriend.
I loved my mom.
I miss my mom.
I feel she was taken from me far too young.

But there are times when I seriously think my adult life over all has been better without some of her poisonous thoughts influencing it.

I am sure you father didn't mean to be hurtful.
And none of us know for certain what is and is not a "good investment."

Your dad gave you a gift of the down payment for the house. All claim of his to that money is gone with that decision. But as far as I am concerned, it was not a "waste of money." While financially perhaps that money will not be recouped, it did put a roof over your head and those kids you helped, in spite of all they did to resist your help.

Try not to be hurt from your father's words. Try to tell him despite where things with the house stand now, you are grateful to him for his love and help those years ago. And despite the way things have turned out for now, you do not regret his ever helping you.

And that you love him.

[Cameraman Jenn]

Cagliostro vented to us while he was going through the same thing. We are all in this together Lorin. We may all be very different and lead different lives in different places but we are all the same on so many levels. We all have parent issues, we all have drama, we all have financial issues and talking about it helps. You are never alone because you have us.

I missed me some Lucimay fiercely today. I was at the cafe and I was talking to Mollison and Brian and Brian was being a jackass and I know that if Lucimay had been there she would have just told him straight up, "You are being a jackass." I on the other hand, smiled and winked at Mollison, humored Brian, sent him away and got back to my conversation with Mollison but still, I felt a palpable physical pain missing her and I know it's because my schedule is so messed up, but I actually felt a stab in my gut and welled up in tears because I haven't seen her in so long. Damn this stupid crazy work schedule. It's messing up my whole social calendar. I am going to my Pop's place in rural VA in September, so I can't really request much time off and so I never see my friends anymore. BGB and I have taken to him leaving me notes about stealing my dog and missing me because I am working weekends so we can't do our usual beach lounging and barbecuing. Julie and Mike moved into the new house over a month ago and I have yet to see it. I'm frustrated, sad and feeling cut off from the world, like work is my only outlet. That can't be right. Arrrgh.....

[Menolly]

Jenn, I have always heard that retail sucks, especially scheduling. I hope you can work it out to your lifestyle soon.

Anyway, all summer Beorn has been putting applications in to the country for various library page positions without a response, except one he overlooked about a month ago. Now, with school starting in a couple of weeks, in his in the running for a position at two different branches. Both branches are within walking distance of home, and one is at the one he volunteered at and then had the high school internship at.

He has to take an assessment test for both positions; we are headed out the door for the first one as soon as I post this. The other position's assessment is on Tuesday afternoon. If you are so inclined, please send some positive energy his way. They are working with the ADA and have given him some extra time to complete the test, but have not approved the use of a word processor for him. Here's hoping the test is mostly multiple choice and matching, instead of long and short answer...

[Spiral Jacobs]

...and like a true Dutchman, my son is riding a bicycle again before his walking skills are back up to par. (Remember, he'll be 3 years old in a week). My heart swells with pride for the little guy. Drinking a few extra glasses of wine to his health