Kevin's Watch

Here's another little one I wrote in the middle of some really bad tragedies in my teen years.......




One for you only:
My heart a desert
my soul empty
eyes that have lied before
and tricked,the glass
empty
lost amongst those
who said"friend"
despaired in those who said"love"
my heart empty
my soul a desert

lost in those who said"enemy"




Well,feel priveledged,this one only one person has seen before,and suggested I place it in The Hall of Gifts........(Thanx Lyr!).These things were long since vaulted,but it came back to mind.well, there you have it..........

Thank you for sharing spacemonkey

Yes, thank you for sharing it here. I really like this one, and the cadence is very good.

Thanx to all, I'll admit it's a bit frightening to stick stuff like this out there, the very good possibility that what I thought was good REALLY sucks wind. Thanx for taking the time to read and comment,it really helps to figure out what I need to polish and what needs to go.Constructive critisism is sometimes painful but necessary.Thanx again Guys!! (NO Offense Lyr!!)

I liked it a lot,
I would seperate the despaired line maybe?

There's a good possibilty sgtnull,freeform I have learned not only has to make sense but be visually appealing with good imagery.*groans* more stuff to work on......But that's ok,Maybe,just maybe,I'll get it right one of these days*grins*......

Keep working at it, Shaun. It's all about the process. . .

as stephen king said, a writer writes.

sgtnull wrote:as stephen king said, a writer writes.

........and the Dreamers dream.....

Theres a great bit of truth,I think David Eddings once said to write about a million words then burn them right alongside of your rejection slips and then,maybe,JUST MAYBE you might be ready to write.........Wow,isn't he just a bright ray of sunshine........