Kevin's Watch

Just something I wrote just now. Not exactly upbeat I know, but a momentary window to my soul none the less.

I sit here alone, broken
My heart lays tattered
Hope has all but expired
Perhaps it's reached it's last breath
To come so far, adds insult to injury
The fault is mine to bare
As if that matters anymore
It never was what I thought it to be
I see that now, alas too late
Never say I didn't try with all I am
Admittedly far from perfect in your eyes
How long I lasted is a miracle in itself
But I'll close that part of me off for good
No more pain or opportunites allowed again
Then just maybe I can learn to heal
And be who I was once again

A good topic, and I can feel the emotion pulsing in it. I hesitate to offer advice, because I am not certain you wanted any, but here goes anyway. . . most poets tend to shun common, cliched phrases e.g. add[ing] insult to injury and alas.

Cliched words and phrases tend to come be so associated with certain meanings that it is difficult to invest your own meaning into them, making them lightweights in the poetry (and writing) world. Look for words that can expand to hold every nuance of your meaning-you want your poems to be full-fleshed and muscular, not malnourished and skeletal.

But above all, keep writing! And keep sharing it here!

No, please feel free to comment Wylde. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and let me know what you think.

I'll post more at some point in case anyone gets bored enough to read em'.

- Rog

It isn't boredom that brought me here. . . rather a lack of time keeps me from here on a regular basis. Thus, when I have a nice chunk of unassigned time I like to wander through and read what I've been missing.

Well since you said you didn't mind comments... It was definitely sad, but certainly heartfelt. (Incidentally, I've always liked the word "tattered," for some reason -- great descriptive term.) But I paused at the line "As if that matters anymore." It kind of threw off my pace when I was reading, because it produced this involuntary (but vivid) mental image of Eeyore. Sorry, I couldn't help it. It just popped into my head. And it sounded so familiar: I feel like I've often heard variations of it it in movies and songs and conversations. I know this wasn't intended to be happy, but something about that one line struck me as being almost... "melodramatic." But then again, maybe something equally melancholy yet less familiar would elicit a different response from me. I really enjoyed it, though, and I'm glad you posted it -- I hope you write more.

Although I've always liked sad things, I feel like I've read and encountered an inordinate number of sad things today, so here's something happy!



(I promise I'm not trying to be insensitive. I just love Buddy Christ. He brings good cheer and gladness wherever he goes!)

I liked it! i will echo that you might consider replacing some of the cliched lines and phrases to something more original -- its nice.

Thanks for the comments everyone. Writing is something I guess I have done from a young age but just never really "put it out there" so to speak. I always used it more so as a method to vent or get some crap off of my chest. I always found it rather therapeutic in a sense. All of you on the watch are the exact group of people that I find I enjoy sharing some of these writings with. Nothing beats an intellectual sounding board!

Oh, and Dogma is one of my favorite flicks. Thanks for the laugh Storm!