Kevin's Watch

Top vs Shirt:
No Man shall ever refer to a "shirt" as a "top" unless said "shirt" is a frilly open-chest garment on a woman. Any Man within earshot of a "Man" committing such a crime is obligated to give the offender a swift "nut-check."

Sports:
When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

Shirt Without Pants:
No man shall wear a shirt without pants... ever. Pants must be the first and the last item worn by man.

Phone Calls:
A man shall talk with a woman on the phone for no longer than he would have sex with her.

Dating Age:
A man may date any woman over the age of 18. The closer the woman's age is to 18, the greater the celebratory high five he must receive from his friends. The exception to this rule is if the man is younger than 21 and the girl is between 25 and 35 and attractive. In this case, the celebratory high five is awarded at maximum celebratory factor.

Man Touch:
If man A touches man B in the crotch or buttocks, whether accidental or on purpose, man B is required to punch man A in the face.

Beard:
The beard is highly recommended. If it's good enough for Chuck Norris, it's good enough for you.

Bread:
After eating bread with the little tabs, do not put the tab back on the bread. Spin the bread and tuck the flap under.

Urinate Standing:
A man shall urinate standing up unless also dropping logs. The ability to stand upright is what separates man from ape. To urinate in any other position is primitive. Flinging feces is also frowned upon.

Directions:
No man shall ask for directions. This standard is derived from women's stereotype of men. Men are to live down to women's expectations. Besides, women don't ask for directions either.

Umbrellas:
No man shall share an umbrella with another man. EVER. If sharing with a woman, the man will hold the umbrella.

Sisters:
No man shall date the sister of a friend NO EXCEPTIONS. Sexual experiences with two sisters at the same time shall be deemed "epic" if each sister is at least a 5.

Multiplayer:
When playing a game against another man, it is considered unethical to glance at the section of screen controlled by another player. If voted guilty by the majority of the other players, it is perfectly acceptable to 'gang up' and kill the cheater's character.

edit

These are awesome!! :D

When playing a game against another man, it is considered unethical to glance at the section of screen controlled by another player. If voted guilty by the majority of the other players, it is perfectly acceptable to 'gang up' and kill the cheater's character.

I thought the whole point of splitscreen games was to screencheat?

It's not cheating. It's being resourceful.

It's a rationalization that's worked for me so far.

I'm certainly on the side of the screencheaters. When playing Halo one of my favourite tricks is to fire a weapon with brightly coloured shots and then use my prey's own screens to determine their positions. Mwahahahaha!

I don't screencheat, simply because I seem to know a lot of screencheats and when* I beat the cheats without cheating myself, my victory is all the sweeter.









*This 'when' refers only to Goldeneye. For all other split-screen games, replace with 'if'.

Sunbaneglasses wrote: Phone Calls:
A man shall talk with a woman on the phone for no longer than he would have sex with her.

Dating Age:
A man may date any woman over the age of 18. The closer the woman's age is to 18, the greater the celebratory high five he must receive from his friends. The exception to this rule is if the man is younger than 21 and the girl is between 25 and 35 and attractive. In this case, the celebratory high five is awarded at maximum celebratory factor.

Beard:
The beard is highly recommended. If it's good enough for Chuck Norris, it's good enough for you.

Hear hear

...the phone rule though cannot apply for a long distance relationship. I dealt with the infraction of the phone rule with a wonderful i was dating from Philadelphia, the phone conversations could last for up to 5 hours...but no man should be asked to have sex for that length of time.

...the age rule, i would like to make an amendment to the age rule. The 7 year rule should be applied. The ceiling is obviously 18, but the max should be 7 years (at least while in college)...at the age of 22, i dated a woman 29...my boys told me that i was nearly infringing upon the most sacred of man laws by dating a woman too old...but she looked like Rene Zellwegger and had great ink...so we amended the rule.

...there is a reason god invented facial hair and not razors.

The beard was made to cover up the ugly and to hide double chins.

Sunbaneglasses wrote:Urinate Standing:
A man shall urinate standing up unless also dropping logs. The ability to stand upright is what separates man from ape. To urinate in any other position is primitive. Flinging feces is also frowned upon.

Umm....no comment.

storm wrote:the phone conversations could last for up to 5 hours...but no man should be asked to have sex for that length of time.

But if you ARE asked, Man Law should stipulate that "Yes" is the only permitted answer.