Kevin's Watch

An interview with aTOMiC
By Dan Pigeon


DP: Thanks for sitting for this interview Mr. Tomic.
TC: Yeah. You don’t need to call me mister or Tomic. Tom is fine.
DP: Your name is Tom?
TC: Yeah. Tom Cummins.
DP: Ohhhhhh. That explains your Kevinswatch name. I get it now.
TC: Okay.
DP: So Tom what’s your deal anyway?
TC: My what?
DP: Your deal. What makes you tick?
TC: Have you ever interviewed anyone before?
DP: Sure, lots of times. Why?
TC: Nothing. I’m guessing a more specific question might be more effective.
DP: Okay hold on. Who is doing the interview, you or me?
TC: Sorry I’m just making a suggestion.
DP: Tom, trust me I know what I’m doing. Can you trust me?
TC: Um…I guess.
DP: Good man. Now let’s start at the beginning. Where were you born?
TC: Well not far from here actually. I was born at Tampa General Hospital here in Florida.
DP: And what city is that in?
TC: Uh….Tampa?
DP: I see. So you grew up in what city?
TC: Uh…Tampa?

DP: You mean to tell me Valrico is as far as you’ve ever gotten from where you were born?
TC: No. I’ve been other places but I’ve never lived anywhere else.
DP: What other places? How far from here have you travelled?
TC: I’ve been to Maine before, New England area. That’s pretty far away.
DP: How about the west coast?
TC: I’ve never been west of the Mississippi River.
DP: How boring.
TC: I guess so.
DP: I’ve heard you’ve done some writing.
TC: Yeah. I’ve been writing different kinds of stories for a few years now.
DP: I haven’t read any of your work but I’m guessing you aren’t a professional like I am.
TC: No I have a 9 to 5 type job that pays the bills. Writing is just a hobby.
DP: Well that’s why you aren’t a professional. You don’t take it seriously enough.
TC: What?
DP: Yeah. You just referred to your writing as a hobby. I’m a great writer not just because I write great but because I take it seriously. I’m committed to my craft. I’m defined by it. It controls who I am.
TC: Uh…okay. I guess you have a point.
DP: Of course I have a point. That’s the sort of person I am. I always have a point.
TC: Could we continue here? I have to go to the bathroom.
DP: Okay. What’s your day job?
TC: I work for a Civil Engineering company in the Land Surveying department.
DP: Land Surveying? What? You mean the guys standing out in the street taking pictures?
TC: What? No they aren’t taking….yeah those guys.
DP: What do you do exactly?
TC: I’m what they call a Survey Tech. I use a computer and CAD software to process data and make it available to the Civil Engineers and in some cases private clients.
DP: Sounds incredibly boring.
TC: Yes Dan. It is.

DP: So its just work and writing with you?
TC: No I do other things. I play guitar and sing in a band sometimes. Rock stuff. I collect comics and toys.
DP: Really? You don’t strike me as a musician.
TC: Never the less.
DP: I take it you think of the music as a hobby too?
TC: Yeah, pretty much. If I were a famous and successful musician I wouldn’t be here talking to you.
DP: I’m not sure how to take that.
TC: Dude. I really have to go to the bathroom.
DP: Just a few more questions. You work with one of the guys from Kevinswatch?
TC: I guess you could say that. I’ve known dANdeLION since I was about 6 years old. We’ve worked in the same business for twenty something years now. We haven’t always worked at the same office but we do at the moment.
DP: dANdeLION?
TC: That’s his name on Kevinswatch. He’s Dan Southard. We grew up in the same subdivision about a block apart. We’ve been friends since then.
DP: I’ve heard Dan has written some stories as well.
TC: Yeah. We collaborated on a book.
DP: But he thinks of it as a hobby right?
TC: No. Dan doesn’t think of it at all. He claims he isn’t a writer of any kind.
DP: That’s interesting.
TC: Yeah it really is. Look I’m going to wet myself here. Are we done?
DP: Almost. Lets get some vital statistics. About how tall are you?
TC: Dang it, I don’t know. Six foot, maybe six and an inch.
DP: How much do you weigh?
TC: About 190 but I’ll be 185 any minute now.
DP: What kind of name is Cummins?
TC: It’s Irish. I’m Irish and American Indian, Cherokee.
DP: You are a mutt.
TC: That’s accurate.
DP: What’s your orientation?
TC: I assume you mean sexual orientation. I’m heterosexual.
DP: Oooooh. Spicy! Does your wife know?
TC: Uh…sure…
DP: Is this the first time you’ve admitted this?
TC: Uh…do you know what heterosexual means?

DP: Sure I do. Oh wait…that’s the other one. Nevermind.
TC: Can I go now?
DP: Fine. Go. See if I care.

TC: …………….

lies, all lies, dipped in lie sauce with a nice side portion of braised lies.

sgt.null wrote:lies, all lies, dipped in lie sauce with a nice side portion of braised lies.

It's funny you should say that, Sarge.
Every word of what I said in the interview is 100% true and accurate.
As to the rest.....

aTOMiC wrote:

sgt.null wrote:lies, all lies, dipped in lie sauce with a nice side portion of braised lies.

It's funny you should say that, Sarge.
Every word of what I said in the interview is 100% true and accurate.
As to the rest.....

Well, since this was typed, we really have no guarantee you SAID any of it...

Stop using euphemisms and clever wordplay to conceal your lies dipped in liesauce! WE CAN TASTE THE LIE SAUCE WE CAN SMELL YOUR PANTS ON FIRE WE CAN SEE YOU HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE WIRE

REVOLUTION!!!

Liar
youtube.com/watch?v=_vgQalXaIxs

does this have any implications on the Primaries?

the primates are uneffected

That interview was so far beneath the esteemed Dan Pigeon.

After the bathroom break.....

DP: Everything come out okay?
TC: Look I’m just going to go now.
DP: No. Let me ask a few more questions.
TC: I agreed to do this because you said it was an exercise for an upcoming book you are writing. Haven’t you gotten enough?
DP: No. Not really.
TC: Fine. Do you mind if I post this on Kevinswatch?
DP: Definitely. Under no circumstances are you to share this with anyone. I post there too. Heh you’d never guess what my screen name is. In any case I don’t want this to go beyond this room.
TC: You’ll give me a transcript though, right?
DP: If you like.
TC: Okay fine. Ask away.
DP: Cool. Now if you were a tree what kind of tree would you be?
TC: *Laughs*
DP: What’s so funny?
TC: What?
DP: What’s so funny?
TC: That’s the Barbara Walters question.
DP: What question?
TC: You know the…oh jeez, Oak tree.
DP: Why an Oak tree?
TC: Because Oaks are just too lofty and they grab up all the light.
DP: That sounds like a quote.
TC: Yeah it’s a line from a song by Rush. The Trees.
DP: Never heard that before. Do you tend to answer questions with obscure references?
TC: I never thought about it before. I just blurt out whatever pops into my head.
DP: Interesting. So you regurgitate bits of songs and lines from movies instead of coming up with original thoughts.
TC: This doesn’t feel like an interview. It feels like you are just looking for someone to beat down.
DP: Not at all. I’m just making an observation. I’m trying to understand you.
TC: What’s to understand? I’m a regular guy who does regular things. If you ask me that’s not much of an excuse to do an interview, generally you interview people who are interesting for some reason.
DP: You don’t think you are interesting?
TC: No. I think I’m pretty ordinary. What is it you are hoping to learn?
DP: I think I just learned exactly what I wanted.
TC: What’s that?
DP: That even ordinary people can be interesting.
TC: Huh?
DP: A couple more questions. Star Wars or Star Trek?
TC: Well that came out of no where. Um…I like them both pretty equally. Wars for movies and Trek for television but I have a similar interest.
DP: Ginger or Mary Ann?
TC: Ginger.
DP: Well that was fast. You didn’t give it a second’s thought. I should have asked you that one first; I would have gotten firm answer instead of “gee I like everything the same”.
TC: Hey if you don’t like the answer….
DP: No. I think every answer is revealing.
TC: I think we’re near the end of this.
DP: What’s your favorite television show?
TC: You mean on right now or all time?
DP: On right now.
TC: I guess I look forward to LOST the most. I never miss it.
DP: What about all time?
TC: Ah crap! I guess it would have to be Star Trek.
DP: What a shock.
TC: Yeah I thought you’d like that.
DP: How about we take a break.
TC: Amen to that brother!

You two have WAY too much free time on your hands

thefirst wrote:You two have WAY too much free time on your hands

I'll say!

LORD FOUL'S BRAIN wrote:

thefirst wrote:You two have WAY too much free time on your hands

I'll say!

they are trying to sway us to vote them into the hall of fame. I WANT HEARINGS!

TC: I’ve never been west of the Mississippi River.
DP: How boring.
TC: I guess so.

Same quote coming from the other direction, man. The grass ain't greener.

DP: What’s your orientation?
TC: I assume you mean sexual orientation. I’m heterosexual.
DP: Oooooh. Spicy! Does your wife know?
TC: Uh…sure…
DP: Is this the first time you’ve admitted this?
TC: Uh…do you know what heterosexual means?
DP: Sure I do. Oh wait…that’s the other one. Nevermind.

you have been seduced. repent.

tom - do you validate parking?

sgt.null wrote:you have been seduced. repent.

tom - do you validate parking?

No. I really don't.

BTW. I've added pictures to the first part of the interview to somehow attempt to validate it. These photos and the interview itself will appear in next month's issue of Intrepid Porcupine Magazine.
Saddly Dan Pigeon refused to be photographed.

Oh cool! Pictures!

I think those shots have really captured the, um, raw energy of the interview.

I was too bored to read the interview.

aTOMiC wrote:

sgt.null wrote:you have been seduced. repent.

tom - do you validate parking?

No. I really don't.

BTW. I've added pictures to the first part of the interview to somehow attempt to validate it. These photos and the interview itself will appear in next month's issue of Intrepid Porcupine Magazine.
Sadly Dan Pigeon refused to be photographed.

i did not know you could be photographed? van helsing had that wrong.

Hmmm, I thought Dan Pigeon was incapable of conducting a boring interview...