Kevin's Watch

The Issue

After a recent spate of high-profile lawsuits against corporations concerning the safety of their products, corporations have appealed to the government to change the laws of compensation.

"It's crazy!" cries Buy Trax, CEO of Sharp 'n' Pointy Things Incorporated. "These people should simply not be allowed to put the blame on us if they mindlessly abuse our products! I'd have thought it would be common sense not to stick your hand in a blender to 'see if it was working properly'. We need to outlaw these ridiculous lawsuits so I can get on with my business and those working in the law profession can get on with theirs."

Avatar wrote:My issues are annoying me...either the results don't stick to the letter of the proposed solution, or I disagree with them all.

--A

Avatar wrote:Dismissing it has no result...it's as though the issue never arose, as far as I can see.

--A

The Issue
The recent popularity of a science-fiction TV show has prompted calls for Inis Rua to develop its own space program.

The Debate
"Don't tell me space colonies wouldn't be cool," says excited fifth-grade teacher Samuel Falopian, still wearing big Spock ears from his last convention. "Think of how they would galvanize the national population! And there would also be some kind of scientific benefit, probably."



"The project certainly is feasible, but very expensive," says Inis Rua Space Agency Head Jennifer Broadside. "We could make it less of a burden on the taxpayers if we sought funding from private industry -- advertisements on the side of our rockets, selling contracts to the Arms Manufacturing industry, that kind of thing."



"If God had meant Man to fly, he would have given us solid rocket boosters instead of legs," says religious type Sue-Ann Mombota. "We should not be looking to the stars, but rather inside our own hearts. That's why we should abandon this so-called space program, and instead make the teaching of religion mandatory in all schools."

Many parents are becoming frustrated with their children's choices in spouses, euthanasia is legal, child labor has been outlawed, and it is widely believed that the first citizen of Inis Rua was called 'Wild-eyed Daddy-O'

"Now, come on," says Tobias Winters, well-known philosopher. "You don't need to be religious to be unnerved by the top of this particular slippery slope. Today it's zombies, tomorrow it's dinosaurs, and we all know how that turns out.

"Demagogue Defusal"

A new religious leader has been taking the cities of The Illumined by storm. Preaching to groups of enraptured citizens, he claims that the government lacks the authority to interfere with the spiritual lives of the people.

"Limit the number of people who can gather in one place to under ten," argues your Minister for the Environment. "If he can only speak to a few people he will find it difficult to create the kind of hysteria we've witnessed at his previous services."

"Maybe this new preacher has a point," beams the Reverend Clarence H. Merriweather. "Perhaps the government is taking too active a role in matters which are more correctly the concern of spiritual advisors. Why not listen to his message, and make The Illumined a haven for those of faith?"


"Send me in," whispers expert cult infiltrator Johnny Caesar. "I can inflitrate this cult and 'uncover' some dirt on the guy. His followers won't be too enraptured when they find out that he, hmmm, hasn't paid his taxes for the last ten years."

The Issue
The popular daily cartoon strip "Barry the fox" has always been highly critical of the political system within Inis Rua, but in recent weeks the cartoon has depicted the main characters throwing melted cheese at unpopular politicians. Inspired by this, protestors armed with fondue sets stormed a government building, cheesing off several government officials.

The Debate
"It's just a bit of harmless fun!", says Charles Hamilton, creator of Barry the fox, while spraying your advisors with melted cheddar. "If the government were doing a better job people wouldn't feel the need to throw cheese at them. We should be free to express our displeasure in any way we choose. Besides, my cartoon books are selling like hot cakes, and that's got to be good for the economy, right?"

This is the position your government is preparing to adopt.


"This has got to stop!" insists Klaus Gutenberg, head of the censorship board. "I spent 3 hours this morning scraping wensleydale out of my hair! Arrest these lunatics! The protestors and the people responsible for this vile cartoon, throw them all into jail!"



"Arrrrrgh!" screams lactose-intolerant Chastity Li, a member of the public safety board, as incoming rounds of mature gouda smash the windows and claim the suits of several nearby advisors. "As I've been saying for many years now, cheese is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands and should be outlawed. Ban all cheese now, and enforce it!"

The Issue
Inis Rua's merchant navy has seen increasing attacks from swashbuckling pirates in recent months, devastating Inis Rua's foreign trade.

The Debate
"We should blow them out of the water!" says First Lord Admiral Pip Winters. "These waterlogged vagabonds have been plundering our ships for far too long! All our exports from the Book Publishing industry are going straight into their hands! It's downright dangerous for us to let this continue! All we require is some funding for coastal patrol boats, fleet carriers, and nuclear submarines and a free hand to show these freebooters what's what."



"Hello," says a grog-swilling, peg-legged scurvy dog entering your office. "I'm Chastity Dodinas, a mighty pirate. I'd like to suggest that instead of wasting all that money on attacking pirates you simply buy them off with barrels of bullion, jewels and Maxtopian gold! There'll still be pirates around, sure, but as long as everyone's paid off, they won't hinder your trade. Not much anyway."



"That's the second biggest load of bilge I've ever seen!" says Captain Grapnel, CFO of Hispaniola Shipping Insurance, LLC. "Shiver me timbers, if these scurvy dogs don't be cutting into me profit margin! Me comprehensive coverage has to pay out for victims o' illegality, and of course theft be illegal in this country, bu' that be giving me an idea - what if we were to have privateers? That is to say, if ye were to make piracy legal but with a quotar o' sorts, like huntin'? That way me and mine can stay in business and ye can get a fine cut o' th' booty from licence fees! Savvy?"



"Come now, that's hardly fair," argues 'gentleman pirate' Taupebeard de Gauche with a bow and flourish. "There is an ancient tradition of actively redistributing wealth on the high seas, and we active redistributors serve an important role in the global economy. You would not keep a family-run bookstore from handing down its business from generation to generation, would you? We simply ask, nay, demand the same right! And get rid of the word 'pirate'. It's a slur. We are corsairs - not common sea-faring thugs."

The Government Position
The government has yet to formalize a position on this issue.



(instead of an 'accept' button, the options have 'yarr' buttons, and insead of 'dismiss this issue' there's a 'Arrr! T'Davey Jones' Locker with ye all'!)