Kevin's Watch

If you take Covenent's "dream/nightmare' as a perspective of what we all consider an inner struggle to identify how we "measure up", you may easily come to the conclusion that we don't really fare well when confronted with overwhelming life choices.
Doubt, especially self doubt, can overwhelm to the point of catatonia. Now we may not see see that extreme often, we all use denial on occasion to placate our feelings of inadequacy.
That said, Covenant implemented a unique defence mechanism. One I refer to as simply "turning away".
Now, without subverting whatever implications the "Floyd Boys" had for that expression, it serves me here.
Covenant set his own terms each day he was alive to the land but also resolved not to allow the seduction to overwhelm. This we all know. But it goes deeper than that.
Covenant could not believe, otherwise he believed the dream/nightmare could kill him in the real world. many of us know that as well.
The well is deeper still.
Covenant could not believe....until conditions were met.
The most important condition of course, was the LAND (and therefore the people in it) accepting his leprosy. This occured but with multiple reservations.
Another condition was not forgiving him for things he had no control over. In this he was stymied.
Another condition and the most important, was allowing him to relinquish control over his actions. This would allow him to be a spectator vice participant. This, the Land could not do.
When did Covenant finally say "it's up to me?" In my opinion never. To the last, it was a dream/nightmare. And He turned away. Even his death.

I believe it was Milton who said " In Chaos, and the work begun, how soon abbsolved if unforbid thou may unfold".

PLEASE, keep in consideration that we, as readers of the chronicles, know far more than he did. The books are not a diary (though that would have been a considered writing style).

Later....

I find myself relating to Cov and his struggles...my personality isn't well, warm...and "holding it all in" and "hiding" are things I do to deal with the world and people.

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we wont understand
Don't accept that whats happening
Is just a case of others suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away

Its a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
"Over all we have known"
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that we're all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the "Speechless Unite" in a silent accord
Using words that you'll find are strange
Mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change...
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
It's not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

banging your heart against some mad buggers wall

Well done coming up with "Pink's" lyrics.

Though I would like to profess I know them by heart, I would have messed up somewhere.

And though my subconcious is far from precise, I know the words played in my mind more than once while reading the Chronicles.

On review, I think my postulation is more precise than I first imagined.
Eerily revealing of thoughts I believe Covenant held, the lyrics seem appropo to his circumstances.

I'm with Jacob Raver. Safer to close up the shell and keep it all inside than let it out and expose yourself to the world. I trust no one for a very long time; unfortunately by then it is sometimes too late. The Land did not give up on TC, however. They had unlimited patience with him, which would have run out for me long ago. I'd have said, "Get over yourself, jerk, and take your pity party back where you came from," and let him do for himself. People like that are hard to deal with. I know. I am one of them.