This should come as no surprise to anyone here.
Bowel movements are what the Chronicles are all about.
Why else do you think the One Forest was decimated?
Toilet paper production!
Aliantha might taste great but it's fiber content alone will keep you wiping for hours.
Why do you think Andelain is so rich and lush?
The Ritual of Desecration was so horrible to the people of the Land because it destroyed all their toilet paper sources.
The Wards were just instructions on how to make the best toilet paper.
Kevin knew that after the RoD trees would be sparse so the first Ward only had limited info.
The Oath of Peace ruined Kevin's plans though:
Do not push where relaxing is enough;
Do not strain where pushing is enough;
Do not tear where straining is enough;
Do not prolapse where tearing is enough;
The greatest bowel movement is one where there is no blood... and floats.
SRD uses clever euphemisms throughout the whole series.
When Giants are always "laughing" it obviously means farting.
Ravers are "ill" and "haters of trees" means that they are poor wipers and smell horrible.
When he says that ur-Viles have no "eyes" he obviously means "assholes". Why else do you think they are so pissed off at their Demondim creators? Imagine being practically immortal like ur-Viles are but being incapable of taking a shit?
The Haruchai were so sick of wiping themselves that they took an Oath of immortal service just to avoid it. No eating = no crapping.
Then Covenant shows up with his "white gold ring" which really means "asshole that needs no wiping" and everyone goes ape shit crazy about it.
Foul wants to take this away from TC and keep this amazing power for himself.
Re-read chapter 20 in the Power that Preserves with a new understanding about how the Chronicles are all about bowel movements and how SRD uses euphemisms to hide it.
Foul is so evil and hateful because he has to spend eternity using the following for a toilet:
"Opposite Foamfollower was the great "throne" (toilet) itself. On a low mound against the far wall, old grisly rock had been upreared to form the Despiser's seat in the shape of jaws, raw hooked teeth bared to grip and tear. It and its base were the only things he had seen in Foul's Creche which were not perfectly carved, utterly polished. It appeared to have been irremediably crippled, grotesqued, by the age-long weight of Lord Foul's malice. It looked like a prophecy or foretaste of ultimate doom for all Ridjeck Thome's immaculate rock."
Sounds like Foul is building up to drop another "Illearth stone" if you know what I mean.
And don't even get me going about the 2nd Chronicles.
Linden is a "doctor" which means "lover of enemas".
But hey, who am I to judge?
If you love enemas too then obviously you love Linden.
