Kevin's Watch

2 stars. 1 star because Paris is in it, and another because Eccleston is in the movie. It loses stars because it's dumb, the lead character is empty, and because

Spoiler

the Doctor's voice is awful [read: over the top]when he becomes Cobra Commander.

Eccleston is the only reason I would ever consider watching the movie...

Lord Foul wrote:Only good thing to ever come out of GI Joe

Who wants a body massage?

Mister body massage machine GO!

Porkchop Sandwiches!

This movie is a complete waste of time. I wouldn't even wait for the Blu-ray. It's not even worth a Netflicks rental.

For those who, like me, actually suffered through the whole thing at the theater, you will understand the frustration which motivates me to say: ice floats, you idiots!

Why'd you put yourself through it, Malik?

Malik23 wrote:ice floats, you idiots!

Seriously, they got that wrong?

Wow, I'm glad I decided not to see it then.

I can't believe anyone went to see it.....It looked like an awful toy commercial.

imdb's got it at 6.2 out of 10 right now

26% at Metacritic. 5.6 rating from user reviews.

jacob Raver, sinTempter wrote:Why'd you put yourself through it, Malik?

Because now we know. And knowing is half the battle...

Umm....if you've seen the previews...well...

Did you just make that now, Jaz?

Why'd you put yourself through it, Malik?

I saw it because as a child, my family was very poor. The only toys I had was a decent collection of the '80s GI Joes. I still have them, actually. And I had all the comics up through about #70 (I sold those years ago, damnit). So it was pure nostalgia for me. My GI Joes were my escapist entertainment for a couple years before I discovered Tolkien and the whole fantasy genre. From about 3rd to 5th grade, they were my mythology of choice. Plus, my brother bought nothing but Cobra toys, so some of my fondest memories of hanging out with my brother were our epic battles.

And my 8-yr-old wanted to see it pretty bad. At least he liked it. He came back from the movie and spent the rest of the day dressed up as Snake Eyes. And I understand completely. I wanted to be a ninja, too. What boy didn't?

Awesomeness. My 8 year old would probably love it, too.

Rigel wrote:

Malik23 wrote:ice floats, you idiots!

Seriously, they got that wrong?

Wow, I'm glad I decided not to see it then.

Ok, I'm not even going to put this in spoiler tags, it's so stupid. The climax of the movie happens at an underwater enemy base that's located at the North Pole. So it's under the ice cap. That's important. Just wait.

After the good guys bust in with a flurry of one-liners, product placement, and general badassery, the bad guys in a last ditch effort decide to blow the ice above the base after the two main bad guys have escaped above it. One Joe, in a stolen enemy vehicle, sees the warning message for all the enemy ships to get out of the way. They're going to blow the ice cap, damnit! So he warns his fellow Joes that the ice is about to come down on their heads.

That's when I wanted to shout at the screen: ice floats, damnit! Are you guys retarded!?!

Could you imagine being the guy who wrote that? And all the other brainless-wonders who went through with it?