Kevin's Watch

So I come home tonight and let helldog out to do her business.........and I hear her running around and around the pool and growling. Then I look closer at helldog and she is carrying this huge white bag. And then I turn on the light and it is not a huge white bag, it is a huge white possum! So here I am chasing helldog around and around the pool and she is dragging the dead possum around and around the pool (mind you in a foot and a half of snow). Then I trip over a snow buried rope tying the pool cover down and nearly land my ass in the pool (of course the ice sheet on the pool would have broken my fall and my head). So I am lying face down in the snow, screaming at helldog to let go of the dead possum, so like the well trained dog she is, she lets go of the possum and then grabs it by the neck and starts shaking it. By now my next door neighbor (who is also the chief of police ) has run over with gun in hand thinking I am being killed, I can't get up so he thinks I'm dead or dying, and of course, in my giant beach town they are just aching to shoot something. Then helldog sees the chief, who she hates more than the dead possum, so she drops the possum and goes to attack the chief who starts screaming at me to control my dog before he "dispatches" the animal, by now the chief has called for assistance, and I am finally up and trying to grab helldog who is trying to bite the chief, then backup police cars arrive and the fire chief (who lives across the street) comes out and he is drunk and starts shouting to the chief to shoot the f- - king bitch (not sure if he meant me or the dog)and everyone on the block is outside in their pajamas and snow boots watching me chasing helldog, who has returned to the possum, around the yard, so I start shouting at all the neighbors to go home, that I will get helldog under control, so the 'town' leaves my front yard and I finally corner helldog with the dead possum and get her to let go of it, I take my giant snow shovel to pick up the dead possum and get it away from helldog and I push the dead possum onto the big snow shovel and as I push it the f--king thing jumps up and runs away! I jump back, slip in the snow and fall off the deck onto the grass(at least I didnt end up in the pool) onto a big pile of helldogs poop. And helldog takes off after the possum, who escaped under the fence.

I need to move back to the Bronx.

OMG!!!!!!! Rough... move to New Mexico and you won't experience such things (maybe a little nuclear radiation, but it beats tanning booths ).

I'm wary of pets the same way I am of children: they're adorable only from a distance.

How was my day? Well, I didn't land on a big pile of dog poop. So, yeah, I guess my day was better than yours.

That was pretty funny Lorin. Maybe not to experience, but certainly to read about.

--A

Wow...what a crazy day. It sounds like the possum was...uhh....playing possum, huh?

There's a sitcom in there somewhere... though I did see the possum plot twist coming.

I agree, this whole thing was a sitcom. Actually this whole experience of a new yorker living in a tiny inbred clamdigger town is a sitcom.


helldog (nice people call her Mya)

Oh, my. That you had the ability and will to turn that fiasco of an evening into a post that brings both the experience...and the poor possum...to life for us.

Well done, lorin. Thanks for sharing. That post may add to the row of Watchies on your mantle at this time next year.

lorin, someday you'll look back on last night and laugh your ass off. Not soon, maybe. But someday.

aliantha wrote:lorin, someday you'll look back on last night and laugh your ass off. Not soon, maybe. But someday.

I agree. That story is better than any I've heard in a long time. Of course, it was probably terrible at the time, but hopefully in the future it will an awesome story to tell!

Wow... suddenly my day doesn't seem so bad

heh. i have a similar story 'bout Steve the Cat and a possum. i was floatin in the clawfoot tub readin one evening, next to the window in the 2nd story of an old house. i hear steve patrolling the box gutters on the roof outside. we didn't let him out on the street cause streets too busy but he is lord of the many gabled old victorian. he ruled the roof. anyway i hear him out there patrolling but he sounded...i dunno...like...heavier afoot than normal. directly i hear a commotion in the living room where ger and our friend were drinkin coffee and ger come bursting into the bathroom all wigged out..hoppin around and like...grossin out..

turns out steve had found a possum on the roof. there's an old catalpa tree that leans right up next to the house an i figure the possum's climbed up it. it spots steve and plays dead and steve hauls it in through the window and plops it down by his dinner dish all like "check out the bigass rat i found on the roof". heh.

we scooped the poor possum up in a bucket and took him down to the backyard and dumped him near the fence. then we went back up on the porch and shut out the porch light and waited. directly he got up and trundled away.

no poo or hollerin involved. definitely no drunken fire chiefs. wait...this is the poo and possum thread iddenit?

lucimay wrote:heh. i have a similar story 'bout Steve the Cat and a possum. i was floatin in the clawfoot tub readin one evening, next to the window in the 2nd story of an old house. i hear steve patrolling the box gutters on the roof outside. we didn't let him out on the street cause streets too busy but he is lord of the many gabled old victorian. he ruled the roof. anyway i hear him out there patrolling but he sounded...i dunno...like...heavier afoot than normal. directly i hear a commotion in the living room where ger and our friend were drinkin coffee and ger come bursting into the bathroom all wigged out..hoppin around and like...grossin out..

turns out steve had found a possum on the roof. there's an old catalpa tree that leans right up next to the house an i figure the possum's climbed up it. it spots steve and plays dead and steve hauls it in through the window and plops it down by his dinner dish all like "check out the bigass rat i found on the roof". heh.

we scooped the poor possum up in a bucket and took him down to the backyard and dumped him near the fence. then we went back up on the porch and shut out the porch light and waited. directly he got up and trundled away.

no poo or hollerin involved. definitely no drunken fire chiefs. wait...this is the poo and possum thread iddenit?

did the possum stay 'dead' while you were carrying it?

It makes me wonder at what point does the possum undead himself. I mean, helldog was shaking him like a rag and he (I am assuming he was a he 'cause a she wouldn't have been dumb enough to get caught) wasn't moving.

Anyway, congrats to you for not runnin' around screaming like a screaming banshee.

I think I may start a 'most embarrassing moment' thread cause I have a few others

I've written about bad days a couple times, but I've never come close to that!

That was something... to have police at your home because of a possum, to have neighbors crowding o_O Though may I ask why the possum was a reason for running and screaming, especially if you thought it was dead, was there any practical reason or do you just feel like "eww" about that, like about the end of this story?

Not sure what I can say about similar situations, I don't tend to get into such, unless in some very unusual circumstances, and even then I'm rarely bothered much.

For instance, I currently have most of one of the walls in the toilet missing because the pipes need repairing, showing the space between the walls with old pipes visible, they're black and orange and brown and go down into the dark, looks not too beautiful) but interesting and even funny a bit. Reminds me of one of my favorite books on top of all that)) Can you guess that one?

Effaeldm wrote: Though may I ask why the possum was a reason for running and screaming, especially if you thought it was dead, was there any practical reason or do you just feel like "eww" about that, like about the end of this story?

Well truth was, I wasn't too keen on the idea of helldog eviscerating a dead animal on my porch....pretty much ewwww.

For instance, I currently have most of one of the walls in the toilet missing because the pipes need repairing, showing the space between the walls with old pipes visible, they're black and orange and brown and go down into the dark, looks not too beautiful) but interesting and even funny a bit. Reminds me of one of my favorite books on top of all that)) Can you guess that one?

Nope, haven't a clue. Tell me.

lorin wrote:...
Well truth was, I wasn't too keen on the idea of helldog eviscerating a dead animal on my porch....pretty much ewwww.
...

Well, a bit of cleaning, nothing too pleasant, but doesn't look like something to risk your head for, though I guess the "eww" feelings come easier to most people than to me and mean more.

lorin wrote:...
Nope, haven't a clue. Tell me.

Not much interesting that way - I can give you a hint. What writer could be inspired be sewage systems and old pipes?

Effaeldm wrote: Not much interesting that way - I can give you a hint. What writer could be inspired be sewage systems and old pipes?

King?

Of course) Shouldn't be a problem to guess the book then

Effaeldm wrote:Of course) Shouldn't be a problem to guess the book then

I don't know what it could be.