Kevin's Watch

I am not sure where to put his post.

My mother used to say that every person has two core trait that drive them. The primary trait and the secondary trait. The combination of the two traits guides our lives. I used to think that was more of her bullcrap, but as I get older I am coming to feel that maybe she was right after all.

She always said my primary trait was stubbornness and my secondary trait was impulsivity. Would seem to me that that combination is deadly. Really, wouldn't that prevent proper thought process? Stubborn and Love, well, I could live with that, to be stubborn in love could be a wonderful driving force.

She said one of my brothers driving force was jealousy and his secondary was fear. My other brother she said was greed and anger.

Maybe she was right. I really do think that my inability to "think things out" has truly guided many of my decisions. Whatta' you think about this idea of core traits?

I would like to know whether your mother ever ascribed *positive* core traits to anybody. Sounds to me like she was just finding fault.

aliantha wrote:I would like to know whether your mother ever ascribed *positive* core traits to anybody. Sounds to me like she was just finding fault.

very very true. She was an extremely negative person. But perhaps, just because she was negative doesn't make her wrong. Or perhaps it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I do know, however, that I am an extremely stubborn person, for good or bad. And I am an impulse buyer.

who knows.

I was gonna say the same as ali. Sounds like your mother was a very negative person. Having such a person raise you might be a bit of a problem. And how "wrong" she was could be just a matter of half-full/half-empty. Perhaps she had no choice but to view things as she did. Nothing good was as important, in her eyes, as anything bad. You might have done ten wonderful things each day, and one bad thing, and she would latch onto the bad one, and claim it reveals your true core. Another person might see ten bad and one good, and say the good was your true core trying to break out of the bad that the world drives all of us to most of the time.

R.A.Wilson wrote:Buckminster Fuller's optimism was a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So was Stalin's paranoia.

I think we're far too complicated to be motivated only by two principles. There are lots and lots of them. The only question is which one happens to be dominant at the point of any choice.

--A

lorin wrote:She always said my primary trait was stubbornness and my secondary trait was impulsivity. Would seem to me that that combination is deadly.

Exactly my first thought - a deadly combination. Hate to hark on it, but your mom wasn't being complimentary.

So I will be. You're primary trait is you're steadfast. And your secondary trait is an ability to follow where your heart leads.

If it were me, lorin, I would try turning your supposed core traits into positive ones.

Stubborn? Nope -- tenacious.

Impulsive? Hmm. I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. It can certainly keep life interesting. I mean, she probably meant impulsive in terms of "flighty". But doing stuff on a whim beats the hell out of being a drudge who can't see her way out of her accustomed rut. How about "imaginative"? "Whimsical"?

Oh, and regardless of whether these are your "core traits" or not -- as a social worker friend of mine has said to me, "biology isn't destiny."

Spontaneous.

Whimsical can be a touch negative too.

--A

You're right, Av. I like "spontaneous" better. Or WF's "ability to follow where your heart leads."

"Steadfast" is good, too.

Pick the ones you like, lorin. And don't feel like you have to limit yourself to two, just because your mom did.