Fear

[StevieG]

In the past it has ruled my life.

Fear can be good or bad. In the past I have feared so much. I am working on eradicating silly fears (or what I perceive to be silly fears). Fear can rule your life. Some fear is good, it can give you focus. Some fear is crippling, it can ruin you. I grew up with a lot of fear. It can be brought on by parents, circumstances, peers, incidents.

I’m not a philosopher. I don’t read about all this stuff. I have read about people who say that fear is a mind-killer, a cancer. I’m assuming that this is in relation to wars and atrocities. Of course, these can be committed in the name of fear disguised as indignation. I’m talking about small fears (listed below) that culminate in reducing myself to less than who I want to be.

Have you ever feared:

Meeting new people
Change
Making conversation with strangers
Walking past a fellow employee that you don’t really know, and acknowledging them
Posting in the tank
Posting in the Close
Posting in general
No response to posts
Giving a presentation
Giving a speech
Pissing next to another person in the urinal
Asking someone out that you really like
Playing a sports final
Playing a sport
Your children getting hurt
Your children getting humiliated
Getting humiliated
Your computer crashing
Performing well in bed
Heights
War
Commitment
Being honest
Telling a hard truth
Sharing information about yourself
Criticising someone
Being caught doing something you shouldn’t be doing
Having enough money

Do you look at the ground when you walk along the street?

I’m listing these off the top of my head – there are so many more. How important is fear? Like most things in life, there needs to be a balance – how do you find that balance? Some fears are so irrational, when you’re looking from the outside they’re ridiculous, but if you’re in a rut, they’re overwhelming. How do we reduce silly fears?

I could crap on all day about this, but I’d be interested in other people’s thoughts or experiences, and the vast knowledge of Kevin’s Watchers!

I don't think I've really covered what I wanted to, but hopefully you get the idea...

[aliantha]

Well, I've never had the fear about the urinal...

As I was growing up, I began to recognize that my mother held a boatload of irrational fears. My favorite: she would never call a taxi to pick her up at home. I asked her why, and she said, "Then they'd know where I live." It was a fear, not just of the unknown, but of putting oneself in a vulnerable situation, and of being unable to trust that a stranger wouldn't come back to your house and harm you.

In that sense, I think fear is a bellwether. It tells you where to dig deeper and figure out what's really going on in your head.

[High Lord Tolkien]

Fear triggers: Mind games, head tricks, OCD....

I always used to think people were weak or stupid when it came to what I listed above.
Then several years ago my insulin type switched.
My long acting was no longer cloudy as compared to my fast acting.
After 25 years I had to look at the bottle label and not the contents of the bottle.

My brain didn't like the change.
Just for anyone that doesn't know, if I mistakenly gave myself the fast acting insulin instead of the long acting the dose i use for the long acting would kill me or put me in the hospital.

The head games started immediately.
30 seconds after giving myself long acting I'd stress that I used the wrong bottle.
I can feel it in the pit of my stomach.
I now have a red elastic around the bottle of the fast acting, it's also in a plastic case inside two zip lock bags.
I made it so there's no way I can mistakenly grab the wrong bottle (like when I'd half asleep sometimes).
Even with that my mind plays tricks on my as I'm pushing the plunger in and i have to stop and look at the bottle label before continuing.
It's pretty wild!
And kind of sucks.

[Avatar]

Fear is a natural defence mechanism. The problem with irrational fears is that they're...well...irrational. You can tell yourself it's irrational, but that doesn't help much. Especially when it's not strictly irrational.

The GF is a serious arachnophobe, for example. To me that's irrational, because the odds are incredibly in your favour. I pick up spiders all the time. To her it's not, because there is the (true) possibility that a spider bite can be harmful. However small the odds.

Probability is one of those things we don't internalise well.

--A

[StevieG]

HLT, that's the kind of irrational fear, that has real consequences, that I'm thinking about. I recognise that fear. One stupid fear I've had in the past that I've forced out of my system was getting into my car as the traffic was buzzing by, and trying to get in the car in between cars going past, ie opening the door and getting in and closing the door before the next car went past - thinking that someone would take me out. It's stupid, irrational, and I've pretty much killed that fear. But it's hard to stop it.

Just out of ignorance - does the fast acting insulin need to be in the house?Is it something you need in another circumstance? Would your fear subside if it wasn't even in the house?

Ali, it's understandable that you've never had 'bashful bladder' at the urinal.

[High Lord Tolkien]

I take both at different times of the day and multiple times. So keeping on one the refrigerator for example doesn't work for me.
My system works now but my mind still plays it's own games.

[Fist and Faith]

ali says she doesn't have the fear about the urinal. And yet, I've never seen her use one.

[stonemaybe]

StevieG wrote:

Have you ever feared:
....
Performing well in bed
.....

Are you SURE that's what you meant?

But seriously: the list you gave are all things everyone could rationally be afraid of. Most of your list, however, are things where the fear should subside the more practice you get. (Exceptions: being humiliated and a few of the others that lead to being humiliated). If you do a thing frequently enough that it shouldn't be a fear, but it still is, then that's what I would call an irrational fear. What's frequently enough? Depends on the person.

[aliantha]

ali says she doesn't have the fear about the urinal. And yet, I've never seen her use one.

Well...they do scare me a little....

[Fist and Faith]

Ah HA! The truth comes out.

[Fire Daughter]

Here's a couple of posts from Mom and Uncle Isaiah they had made in Fisty's "What is the opposite of fear?" thread over at the Hangar.

ahirashangar.ihugny.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=22&t=1247&sid=44c3c1790b9681a2f5629c73eba9f19b

Mom:

To me, there are different levels of "fear". There's the fear of the unknown, the fear of being hurt, the fear of death, the fear of failure. Most fear is caused by ignorance, lack of knowledge. Thomas Covenant was feared because no one understood leprosy. That fear turned into hate and bitterness. Simple knowledge would have cured that.

But then, there's the fear of being hurt, or dying. What is the opposite of that fear? I don't think there is one. In the case of the seriously ill, like Stephen, who know they are going to die, most don't fear death itself, they fear how they will die. Will it be in unbearable pain? They fear the pain of it, death is almost welcomed, prayed for.

I believe blind fear is the worst kind. Fearing the unknown, living daily with the fear that something bad could happen at any moment. That state of constant panic that people with phobias live with. That has got to be horrible. The opposite of that would be complete and total knowledge of one's fate. But, no one has that. So, one must delve into oneself and find the courage and strength to combat such fears. Soldiers on the war front, Firemen rushing into burning buildings, policemen opening that closed door where on the other side shots were fired only moments before, children living in a village somewhere in the middle east where there could be at any second a bomb blast...All fear of the unknown, is the opposite of that courage? Or is it a fear with no good answer?

Here is Uncle Isaiah's:

At first glance, or first thought, I would say the opposite of fear is courage. I'm reminded of our Klingon friend Worf (Yes, I admit it, I'm a trekker). In one episode, the crew is being driven mad by the lack of REM sleep, they begin to become paranoid and fearful. When this starts to effect Worf he considers committing ritual suicide because he feels he is no longer a warrior.

"I have felt fear!"

But, then at second glance or second thought, I would say that not only courage is the opposite of fear, but so is love, joy, peace. We all live with fear, some of our fears are deeper and stronger and more debilitating than others.

My own personal experience with fear coincides with who I am. I always feared being hated. I always feared attacks, both verbal and physical. I always feared what I was, a gay man, and the misery it brought me. As a child, I feared my father's belt more than anything. He thought he could beat out my "sissiness". So, I know alot about fear.

I don't know much about it's opposites, however. At least I never used too. Courage, love, joy, peace...I had very little of those most of my life. There were times when I thought I may have been happy, or I may have found love. Those times were just illusions, though. My reality was fear. And now, there is the ultimate fear, the fear of dying. Good ole Death himself is staring me in the face now. But, he doesn't seem to scare me as much as I thought he would. Could it be because of finding Tracie in all her beautiful wisdom and love? Could that love be giving me the courage I lacked all my life to face this ultimate fear? In a word. Yes. Even though I have no experience of being on the recieving end of such love and joy and peace, somehow I know that my fears are lessened because of it.

So, Fist..I'm not sure that answers your question. But, it's the only one that I can come up with. And, I am humbled that you wanted my opinion. Thank you.

Thought posting those here would be relevant.

[Holsety]

Ya, I've feared many of the things related to making conversation with strangers and other such "new people" type fears. I'm also afraid of not having enough money in the future, since I don't have a job yet and am worried I won't be able to land a stable one. And I have fears related to my mental illness. And I'm afraid of what the future has in store.

[Avatar]

Oh, what a perfect place for a quote from Dhalgren.

I am limited, finite and fixed. I am in terror of the infinity before me, having come through the one behind bringing no knowledge I can take on. I commend myself up to what is greater than I and try to be good.

Pretty cool huh?

--A

[StevieG]

Pretty cool, Av! I don't quite get the last sentence (perhaps the use of the word 'commend'), but that's me admitting without fear that I don't quite get it

Typical, Furls has some wisdom to share - it's great to read her words of wisdom. It was also nice to read such a personal account from Isaiah - nice to see his name again. Thanks for the link, it is a very interesting read.

Stone - you're right in a lot of cases that the more practice you have, and exposure to your fears, the more they can subside. I'll never stop fearing for the safety and wellbeing of my children, but that's not as irrational a fear to me. However the one you quoted - well, practice makes perfect.

Fear of what the future holds is a big one. I also have a fear of sickness - it's probably one of my more prominent ones right now.

[Cambo]

Thank you, Fire Daughter, for bringing your mother's and Isiaah's words back among us!

As for me, since 2009 my greatest fear, largely unspoken, has been the fear of insanity. I have a one in three chance of experiencing a psychtoic relapse at any time of my life. While those odds are in my favour, they are still too large for my liking. I fear going back to that place. I fear having my rationality and ability for lucid thought stripped from me once again. I fear returning to the place where I am unable to filter imagination from reality. I fear having my independence and my place as an active part of my world removed from me. I fear my own mind, and I watch it for signs that it may be about to turn on me once again.

Another fear, and one much more real and statistically likely, is my fear of depression. This fear is coupled with the knowledge that I am far more likely, near inevitably, going to return to it. I go through a depressive episode once very few months at least, and some of them see go right to the bottom of my soul, and I fear these times even as I know they will come. I will suffer. I will cry out. I will burn. What little I can do to prevent this, I do, and still I fear.

There are many smaller fears. Fears of rejection and unlove and contempt. BUt coexisting with my fears is my seemingly unquenchable love and thirst for life. Inevitably, the darkness will claim me at times, in whatever form. But in between those times, I live and I love and I experience joy and ecstacy and those moments when I breathe in and exhale and revel in the wonder of just being here and now. These are no answer and solution to fear and darkness. But they make me feel that maybe I don't need one.

[lorin]

30 seconds after giving myself long acting I'd stress that I used the wrong bottle.

I did exactly the same thing with the epipens. Drove my sugar down to 30. Scary.

Change

I am not afraid of change, I am afraid of no change/stagnation. But if I let myself really think about it, I think what I am really afraid of is that if I stand still I will be forced to face myself.


I hide my fears behind bravado, anger and intellectualism. I think my fears are really not what they appear at first.

[Fist and Faith]

I am not afraid of change, I am afraid of no change/stagnation. But if I let myself really think about it, I think what I am really afraid of is that if I stand still I will be forced to face myself.

Pssssst. Av, I think it's your turn.

[Avatar]

I don't know which one you're thinking of.

--A

[Fist and Faith]

Doh! The word's right there at the end of lorin's first sentence.

If perfection is stagnation, then heaven is a swamp! And the Is ain't hardly no swamp-cookie.

[Avatar]

Hahaha, I wondered if it was that one. But I was also thinking of arguing for your limitations.

(On that note, I thought you'd be all over the Dhalgren quote... )

--A