Kevin's Watch

Here's something I (kind of) want to change about myself:

I do all kinds of things to avoid having my family sitting down continuously and eating a meal at the table.

So here's the kinda help I'm looking for from y'all:
Similar confessions.
Encouraging stories of specific memorable meals with family & friends!

(Pleae don't tell me reasons why I should do it, unless they're in story form, or decidedly inspiring. )

I'm not a stickler about sitting down as a family to eat. My mom was, for the most part. What really made things memorable was being able to have a "picnic" in the living room and watching TV every once in a while. My mom would put a sheet down on the floor, we'd take our plates into the living room and eat while watching TV.

When I was at my Dad's house, we mostly ate out since I was with him every other weekend. But he usually made each meal special by making me laugh. I try to do this with my son to encourage him to be social, since he's on the autism spectrum. Kids love being silly anyways, and I've never understood the whole "proper etiquette" thing.

If you're not having fun, then why is it worth it?

First a little bit of sociology (hope you don't mind Linna ): when I was studying The Sociology of Religion one of the theories posited was that human society (and thus religion) is first constituted at the communal meal. It is here that people first get the sense of being part of something greater than themselves.

Around the same time while I was in college we had a party in our house. The next day my housemates and I cooked breakfast for everybody who stayed over. I think there were about ten or eleven people. When the food was ready and everybody was sitting down I had a distinct sense of joy and communion (in spite of my hangover!). I felt a very strong urge to acknowledge this. I didn't, but that feeling has never really left me and now often when I sit down to a meal with friends or family I get that feeling again, a feeling of being blessed and an urge to say something to express that feeling.

u.

Honestly, the trick is to follow the "form follows function," in a loose way. Make it fun as Jaz points at, make it an opportunity not a requirement as Uss is pointing at even if that wasn't the intent.
I had a significant other [5 years] where we spent as many dinners as possible with her family...cuz it was fun and cool. A timeslot when dinner was available but ordinarily no requisite sitting/grouping...except occasional play nights. Picnic, as Jaz was one...also barbarian night [no utensil required foods], Snob night [full of bad accents and peeps insulting other's manners].
Those are extreme, but still...rules and formality ruin bonding and sociability. [if you tell a 10 year old boy not to burp at the table, you end up with a 40 year old drunk who still thinks burp-talking the alphabet is funny, or a kid who never belches but dies 20 years early from ulcers and hypertension] Ms. Manners at dinner is warfare by other means when we're talking about your own family [completely different if you're hosting diplomatic dinners or arranging aristocratic dynastic merging...and we'd have much cooler diplomats and fewer tyrants if they were raised with enjoyable family dinners instead of forking lessons]

If you're making the food and serving it, it's great; if you're not, don't go there.

Jaz- YAY for the being silly and having laughter with a meal! Thank you!

ussusimiel wrote:First a little bit of sociology (hope you don't mind Linna ):

Well, you've sure got my number! Me, read sociology for fun sometimes?

u wrote:when I was studying The Sociology of Religion one of the theories posited was that human society (and thus religion) is first constituted at the communal meal. It is here that people first get the sense of being part of something greater than themselves.

Neat... I have a friend who's been talking to me about reasoning that if you get people sitting down and eating... because they're forced to sit with each-other long enough, they are more likely to finally get down to talking about things that are "real" eventually.

(which is just to say, "here's another neat spiritual/"spiritual" thing that can be going on at the same time.")

THANKS for that story of that meal!
Well, you've publicly acknowledged it here... that counts for something, if not being quite the same as in the time and place and with the people you shared it with.

vraith wrote:[completely different if you're hosting diplomatic dinners or arranging aristocratic dynastic merging...

That cracked me up.
Arranging aristocratic dynastic merging? LOL!
I would aspire to be a good matchmaker sometime when I am older.
That's about the closest I'm likely to get, and I doubt that's gonna happen.
Amusing themed dinners, too...

and stonemaybe- yes, that is sometimes a problem. When I'm feeding my family really unacceptably late, I certainly don't try, though.